Post # 1
Before I sent my save-the-dates last fall, I was placed on administrative leave and subsequently disciplined at my job for something that I didn’t do and forced transferred to a different department. I still considered myself to be friends with many of my coworkers from my first department, so I sent save-the-dates accordingly. After I sent my save-the-dates, I found out that one of the girls who I sent a save-the-date to played a large role in the investigation and volunteered inaccurate information about my workplace demeanor that essentially threw me under the bus. If I would have known that she did all of this, I would not have even considered sending her a save-the-date. I don’t want to see her ever, and can’t imagine the thought of her being invited to help me celebrate the biggest day of my life. Would you send this girl an invitation just because she got a save-the-date or consider this a cutting of the friendship and not send one?
Second question, another girl who I sent a save-the-date to never contacted me, supported me, or asked me how I was doing during this workplace issue. This was the most stressful, sad, and frustrating thing I’ve ever gone through. She knew about it and hasn’t talked to me/reached out to me in over six months now (since it happened). She received a save-the-date. She is best friends with girl #1. She didn’t participate in the investigation but her lack of support makes it really hard for me to want her at the wedding as well. Would you send girl #2 an invitation?
I know etiquette states that if you send a save-the-date, you MUST send an invitation. However, my situation with these friends has changed drastically (especially with girl #1). I’d appreciate your opinion because I’m very torn on this.
Post # 2
I just wouldn’t send an invitation to either of them. It’s a different situation to most cases where someone might send a save the date then not an invite. You don’t owe these people anything. I would just not send them an invite and put them behind you and move on with your life. You don’t even need to think about them again.
Post # 3
I wouldn’t invite them. There were several people we sent save the dates to but not invites due to a massive falling out with FMIL; including I herself. There are some situations where I think it is fine to ignore etiquette, and this is one of them. The only way I would invite them would be if not doing so might cause further issues at work.
Post # 5
They knew their role in all that mess and shouldn’t expect to be invited anyway. Why invite, and pay, for someone who betrayed you? Weddings are to celebrate the couple, it doesn’t sound like they will want to do so.
Post # 6
theatrejulia: minimalistbee: barbie86: catki:
Do you ladies think that even with girl #2, who didn’t do anything (but that’s the issue… she didn’t do ANYTHING to support me through that mess), I shouldn’t send one?
I seriously appreciate this so much. It’s been causing way too much stress and I’m ready to move on past that old job. Just unsure of what to do in this situation.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t invite them. This is your day & you deserve to be surrounded by people who love & care for you.
Post # 8
if you don’t like her and don’t want her there, don’t invite there. Seriously, stuff etiquette; she wasn’t there for you and really hurt you, so why invite her? You won’t lose anything as by the sounds of it you don’t want to keep her as a friend.
Honestly, I would only invite either if I didn’t want to lose the friendship (sounds like that won’t apply as you already have) or if it could cause issues as work (eg more back-stabbing/stirring that might affect my job). Otherwise, eh, who cares?
Post # 9
I’m sorry to hear about what you went through, it sounds very stressful and difficult. I agree with everyone else, I would 100000% not send them an invite, even the girl who didn’t have anything to do with your situation, no matter what “etiquette” dictates. I would never invite anyone who hurt me that badly to such a happy and important event.
Post # 10
Do not send an invite. This is your day and you should not have to pay for people who have betrayed you and run the risk of ruining your day. Don’t even think twice.
Post # 11
It sounds like girl #2 has picked her side already…and especially since you don’t seem to have asked anyone to pick sides, I don’t think you owe either of them anything! I’m also pretty sure Emily Post would frown upon making up stories in the workplace to screw over your coworkers so she’d likely be on your side about this too 🙂
Post # 12
Don’t send an invitation to either of them. Invitations can be revoked in extenuating circumstances, and this is definitely one of them.
Post # 13
Oh hell no. To either of them.
Post # 14
I am so sorry, agree no need to invite. I woud add, that I thnk Save-The-Date Cards are WAY overdone.
Post # 15
Nope, no need to invite. Circumstances changed on their end. They essentially uninvited themselves – and I hope they feel ashamed to have gotten a save the date from you in the first place, because they certainly didn’t deserve it.