(Closed) Awkward MIL moment – What happens when she gets old

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Cariad:  I feel your pain. My husband’s parents also have an expectation that they will move in with us at some point. I’ve told my husband that his parents are never living in my house (I don’t hate them, but I’m not close with them and I need my own personal  space), but he still hasn’t conveyed that to them. I guess I don’t have much advice except that you should strongly encourage your husband to have a serious talk with his parents about what will happen as they get older.

Post # 4
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve had this exact concern as well. Father-In-Law is not well and SO is an only child and is REALLY close with his mom. I really don’t think I could handle it and worry about it all the time even though it’s years away. I know people used to do these kinds of things all the time but I’m just not cool with it. At all. I’m happy to give her money and support and time but not in our home!! No way to resolve it though. What if it was your mom, you know?

Post # 6
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hmm I’m on the other side of this, when my mom gets too old to take care of herself, she’s coming to live with us.  My family is Chinese, so it might be a cultural thing.  I think the only way to talk about it, would be through your Fiance.  Parents can get very touchy/hurt about their children rejecting them, especially if it’s a daughter/son in law.

Because of this potential rift, I told my Fiance (then boyfriend) that if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, that this was part of the deal.  My mom is very easy to live with though, she does her own thing and like her alone time.  Plus she’s not too nosy or opinionated as long as it’s not her money.  I would discuss this now, you don’t want to wait until your Mother-In-Law has her bags packed and is on her way over.  Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yikes! This is super hard. I’m not sure what I would do, but NO way could I let either set of parents go to a nursing home if I’m able to still care for them. Most likely I would either build a mother in law apartment off the house or buy them a house down the street.

But  realistically, I don’t know that I would be able to live with any of our parents for long! They all run their households so differently than I do. I also wouldn’t be okay with bathing parents or really intense care. I tell my parents that I hope they’re saving their pennies for the fancy retirement home.

Post # 8
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Cariad:  Uh… yikes! Have you talked to Darling Husband about it?

Post # 9
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have your husband tell his mother that now is not the time for that discussion and that you’ll discuss it after the baby is born. Do not make light of it in the future since she may not I understand the tone. 

Post # 10
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Considering that you have the Mother-In-Law who opened your wedding gifts…hell to the no. Talk to Darling Husband *immediately* about this. And- *HE* needs to be the one to sit down with his parents and have the talk about their plans for the future.

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Let your Darling Husband handle it. Given that he feels the same way as you, it shouldn’t be a problem (or at least not your problem).

Post # 12
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rebwana:  Is this in a previous threAd? Dannnng. 

 

Shut it down. 

Post # 13
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Maybe I’m the odd one out… but I feel like my parents have done soooo much for me and I wouldnt have a problem if one of them needed to come and stay with us.  Same with FH’s parents.  Though, once it got to the point where they needed professional care – they would definitely be moving to a nursing home/assisted living facility.

Post # 14
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know how you feel and I’m wondering how to deal with that too, if the time ever comes. Fiance moved back home 4 years ago bc his step father died so he wanted to help her out and make sure she was okay. Now she’s totally dependent on him and I swear she thinks hes her replacement husband sometimes. I also know the reason we havent moved in together is because he’s been afraid to leave her alone. She’s not old and totally capable of doing things on her own, but she plays the “old fashioned woman” that needs a man for everything.

So… I’m not fond of her because of all this and how it’s delayed OUR relationship, and I know he would jump on letting her move in with us if she ever needed to, and I’m just not having it!

Post # 15
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ll be following this thread because I could be in the same situation soon. SO’s mother has no savings and spends every penny on her daughter. Once she retires she will have nothing and SO’s sister will refuse to take care of her (long story). For now my SO says he’d rather pay to put his mom in a home – but he is a softie and his mom knows how to work guilt trips on him. :/

Post # 16
Member
31 posts
Newbee

Oh, this is a tough one!

Your hubs definitely needs to have a word with her to make her understand that it is not happening. Especially not now that you’re having kids and all.

Luckily my Mother-In-Law is pretty chilled.

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