(Closed) Awkward MIL situation and I need immediate help.

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I didn’t read anyone else’s reply, just your OP and my first instinct was that your Fiance should not have told his mom you said that. Besides, I agree with you. I don’t know what kind of trouble he got into and that would shed some light, but as far as dealing with her? Just say, “Well, it was kinda out of context. What I meant was that it’s a parent ANY parent who should watch their kids and make sure they don’t get into trouble”.

Um, well, I don’t know if that would work, but don’t worry, know that within yourself, you had a right to say that.

Post # 18
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think what you did was so bad. When my Fiance was like 7 his parents used to just drop him off at the movies by himself!!! WTF?? And they are nice people, it’s not like we has abused or anything, they were just frankly naive and irresponsible. So yeah, when he told me that it upset me  because something could have happened to my darling Fiance, and I said the same thing you did, and he didn’t get upset.

Anywho, I think everything turns out for the best when people apologize and give and explanations, so talk to her, apologize, say you got carried away and that you wish you get to be half the mother she is, or something.

Post # 19
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t really imagine a situation where a teenager’s parents are irresponsible for something the teenager did.

But regarding the situation/problem – I’d try to find a moment with her and say, “oh hey Fiance told me he took something I said out of context from when we were talking about his childhood antics.  You know I think you’re a great parents and raised an amazing son right?”  I would avoid going into the details because it’s not really about the details it’s about an insult to her as a mother so “you’re a great mother” should smooth things out.

I would address it instead of ignoring it because being a parents is such a big guilt emotional thing.

Post # 20
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would bring it up and let her know in what context you said it. I think that she will understand. Overall, she raised a son who was responsible enough to catch your eye. Obviously, even though your Fiance had one (or many?) indiscretions as a teenager, he grew into a worthy adult – clearly with her help and guidance!

Let us know how it goes, good luck!

Post # 21
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I am sort of in/went through a similar situation.  I told Fiance that I didn’t think his family liked me a year ago, especially his father b/c of how they initially reacted towards me when we first started dating.  It was meant for him to just be vigilant and to remain between the two of us.  Then he told his parents that I said that THEY HATE ME.  I was so upset, embarrassed.  They told me that they didn’t hate me but I felt so awful.  I knew they didn’t hate me, but I didn’t think they liked me.  However our relationship (Future In Laws and me) has improved ALOT.

Maybe sometime when you are alone with your Mother-In-Law, you could say something like “I know Fiance told you this.  I wanted to clarify that I was surprised and didn’t intend to hurt you.  I’m so sorry if I offended you and I feel badly about this.”

Post # 22
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t say anything unless things seem weird. Maybe just be like, “Hey, I’m really sorry about what I said the other night. I really don’t look at you as an irresponsible parent – I was meaning it jokingly. I look up to you and hope that one day I will be as great of a parent as you” Even if you do think that it was irresponsible of her, I wouldn’t tell her that. I would kiss some butt lol Again, I wouldn’t go overboard with it and would only really address it if it seems to be an issue.

And I would make sure that your Fiance knows that nothing good will come out of him running and telling his mom when you say something that hurts him. It will only cause tension between you and your Future Mother-In-Law, so hopefully he will learn from this that these disagreements need to stay between the two of you. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out.

Post # 24
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hahaha how exciting!!! I’m so excited to see your pictures!

Post # 25
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I would also kind of like to know what kind of trouble he got in.. I’m guessing if it made you react like that they probably WERE being irresponsible by not being aware of what he was up to.  Your Future Mother-In-Law is probably a little sensitive on the subject because she knows she was irresponsible and doesn’t like having it pointed out to her.  Either way, your FI’s mistake was a WAY WAY WAY bigger deal than your initial mistake.  I would probably just say something really simple to her like “I know Fiance shared a personal conversation with you and I’m sorry if your feelings are hurt.  I would hate for this to effect our great relationship”

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