Post # 1
A couple of mine and FI’s friends are having their wedding a few weeks before us. We are so excited, its going to be v different from our day but I know itll be so much fun! Anyway, I know there is a big lifestyle difference between us – we arent showy, extravangant people, but they are definitely more frugal, and we had decided that spending what we would usually spend on a gift e.g. $100 would totally embarass them, and may make them feel pressured to reciprocate at our wedding. So we thought maybe we’d spend a bit less, say $50 or so.
Anyway, we checked out their registry and it is very small, and almost all gifts are under $20. Now we are wondering if even $50 is too much, and we should go withmaybe $40 or something….We cant bring ourselves to spend less than that, it just doesnt feel right, given that we both have decent jobs.
What do you think we should do?! I added a poll.
ETA we would spend our typical amount if it werent for the situation, i.e. our weddings are so close togther
Post # 3
I would normally say spend $100 but to not offend them or make them feel that they need to spend that much on their wedding, you can lower your amount. Maybe get two gifts off the registry since everything is so low priced.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I would say spend your normal amount, until I saw that they registered for mostly under $20 things – you don’t want to buy out their whole registry, so I would say get a few gifts (like part of a set – towels, dishes, etc) that add up to $50, or do a $100 gift card so that they can buy up the loose ends of their registry after the wedding.
Post # 5
You said almost, so is there at least 1 gift closer to the range you are wanting to pay? Just buy that gift.
Not everyone feels the need to reciprocate dollar for dollar. I surely don’t. If they do that’s their lifestyle choice and that is their own thing to figure out.
Give a gift you feel comfortable with and would like your friend to have.
Post # 6
I voted spend $40.
Darling Husband and I had a registry with a range of things, but almost all were small or were things that could be packaged together to fit any budget (6 $5 napkins, so someone could get all or some).
Some friends getting married around the same time as us very generously bought ALL the wine glasses, totalling over $120.
So, Darling Husband and I were basically helpless to do anything but spend a reciprocal amount on their gift, which we could NOT afford to do. We had a small, cocktail party wedding, theirs was an extravagent affair (that we couldn’t even afford to attend because it was far away), but we felt we had to shell out way more than we would have ordinarily.
Post # 7
My usual strategy is “When in doubt, cover your plate”. If I had a friend who had indicated she was serving filet mignon, and I was serving cake and punch, I’d definitely feel pressured to buy a huge gift if she brought something worth $100 to my tiny shindig.
But if I were also having filet at my wedding as well, and having a tiny wedding to be able to afford that level of extravagence for my nearest and dearest, I’d feel a little slighted if a couple brought a $20 gift. I know I shouldn’t, and I’d really try not to…but it would doubtless creep in.
Post # 8
I went through the same thing and didn’t want them to know what i paid so i bought something off their registry and then something that wasn’t on there. I spent $100 and got $50 back but it didn’t bother Darling Husband and i at all and i know they weren’t aware or embarassed
Post # 9
Eeek, close vote.
There are One or two things closer to $100 but it would feel odd getting that for them as we are by no means their closest friends and I imagine they are anticipating parents or grandparents spending that amount.
I think we are going to spend around $50 and get a few different gifts for them. I just want to clarify that I would not care if they get us nothing but a card, that isnt the issue…but she is quite a sensitive girl and I just would hate to make her uncomfortable.
Thanks for all the advice!