(Closed) Awkward SIL situation

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
398 posts
Helper bee

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goldenbrown :  yeah, I’d invite her. You like her right? So why not? I feel like if you invite her, no feelings will get hurt. If you don’t invite her, you might be setting yourself up for some future animosity and it doesn’t seem worth it, especially if you like her

Post # 3
Member
3835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I don’t think you’re obligated to invite her, but if you don’t have a problem extending the invitation to her (and your SIL) then feel free to invite her. However, I think it’s rude of her to press the issue, as guests don’t dictate the guest list.

Post # 4
Member
1522 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t have to…but if it will make things weird between you two in the long run, it’d be best to be more inclusive than exclusive. You don’t want to hurt her feelings…she may just be really excited to be a part of the wedding party and may assume that that’s what’s part of the gig. 

Post # 6
Member
408 posts
Helper bee

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goldenbrown :  People who invite themselves…… Just have what YOU want, especially if there isn’t room in the orginal plan or if inviting this one means you have to invite that one……..if she asks again tell her your best friend is having a small get together for you and its all her planning. Smile big and change the subject.

Post # 8
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
goldenbrown :  I would not invite her if it’s not an easy to add on plan (like just getting extra hotel rooms).  Your friends planned this so you don’t want to try to change it last minute.  I mean I doubt she’ll pointedly ask so just kind of skirt around the issue….  If she does ask be honest.  I planned a Small event with my closest friends and family.  

Also she may just be asking questions to make conversation.  I always ask about other people’s events and it’s not trying to fish an invite but just making casual conversation!

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Perhaps you can plan an additional time to get together with the women in your bridal party. Not that you’re obligated to invite anyone anywhere, but at least where I am from it would be very strange to not invite the people in your bridal party to pre-wedding events. It is probably less of her being rude and more just having an expectation based on the norm.

Post # 10
Member
4225 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I invited my SIL to my bachlorette (even though we were full on feuding just a few short months before) to keep the peace. 

I totally get what situation you are in – but trust me – the way she is sounding, I think she’d prefer an air matress to not being invited at all.

Post # 11
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I think you shouldn’t invite her purely because of the logistics of it all and because you said you’d rather just do something with your close friends. Your friends already booked a place for a certain number of people and while it is in your honour, you’re not the one hosting. I would say that you think your friends may be planning something but you’re not sure. And maybe you and your Fiance could plan a night out for you and both sides of your wedding party beforehand. 

Post # 12
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think as a bridal party member she assumes she s invited and possibly assumes she has hosting duties.  I would do you best to include her and be honest.  Say your besties planned this and you would love for her to be included. Give her the option of the air mattress, booking her own room or planning a separate bridal party celebration.  I think the key is acknowledging her feeling and making her feel welcome and wanted.  I think if you don’t include her it’s setting the stage for awkward interactions including your wedding.  Maybe you can change the name of the party your best friends planned to a girls weekend? 

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