- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I think you should just wait until your engaged and see what your relationship is like then.
Just because she didn’t make you her maid of honor doesn’t mean you can’t use her as yours. There isn’t really a tit for tat when it comes to wedding parties.
Are you super busy with other things? Maybe she knows you are really busy with work or school and doesn’t want to stress you out anymore than you already are and that is why she didn’t put you in charge.
I accidentally found out recently that he’s going to start looking for rings so it may be soon…. ! so are relationship is pretty much what it is now which for me is good aside from this
Feel your feelings and let it go for now, your not aware of the whole picture here and there could be other forces at work with her bridal party selection…so this might be a familial issue and have nothing to do with her feelings for you.
I think you’re over-reacting (based on the info given). Planning the bachelorette party is one of many “tasks” given to the bridal party, maybe she’s trying to spread the work evenly, maybe she knows those girls have connections/like to go out or maybe she thinks you’re too busy. Some people feel like family trumps friends when picking a bridal party. I don’t see any reason to rethink your relationship with her over this.
I wouldn’t hold it against her… she chose her sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, which in most cases is a much stronger bond than “best friend”; it’s family after all. Did she tell her other bridesmaids to be in charge of the bachelorette party or did they volunteer themselves? No offense, but it would be really petty not to choose her as Maid/Matron of Honor (if that’s what you originally wanted) just because you are not Maid/Matron of Honor at her wedding.
I think you should still have her. I wasn’t a part of the bridal pary of one of my bridesmaids, but I know she deeply cared about our friendship. It’s just circumstances sometimes 🙂
I am reconsidering how important she values our friendship since she has put 2 of her other bridesmaids in charge of the bachelorette party so far.
How much do you value the friendship if you let something so petty jeopardize your friendship? I think you’re overreacting.
I don’t think this is an awkward situation at all. My best friend in middle school and high school is still a very good friend of mine. When she was married 10 years ago, she chose another girl as her Maid/Matron of Honor and I was a bridesmaid. At the time, I was a tad hurt but I understood that she was in college and this girl had become really close to her (I also went to college but I moved away for school, so I didn’t get to see her or family as often). I was happy to be in the wedding, even though I lived far away and was strapped for cash. It was a beautiful day and I was bawling like a baby because I was so happy for her. And guess what? She is my Maid/Matron of Honor…I couldn’t imagine having anyone else take that position but her.
Thanks for everyone’s feedback it isn’t a big deal I guess and will most likely have her as my own still. I just wish she were involving me more but I haven’t said anything because I realize she asked the other 2 girls for a reason and I shouldn’t bother her with these petty feelings.
From what you’ve said, it sounds like you’re reading too much into this situation. Maybe you just didn’t provide enough details about it, but it sounds to me like you’re overreacting. Especially since you haven’t shared these concens with the girl in question!
Your best friend is engaged and has a sister who she made Maid/Matron of Honor. That sounds normal to me. My best friend also has a sister. I don’t have any sisters. I got engaged first and made her my Maid/Matron of Honor. She explicitly told me that I wouldn’t be her Maid/Matron of Honor whenever she gets engaged because that honor would go to her sister. I’m totally fine with that. That sounds expected. And it didn’t stop me from making her my Maid/Matron of Honor because that’s what I wanted!
What do you want? Do you want this girl to be your MOH? As another poster said, you should wait and see what happens once you actually get engaged. Maybe it’ll be years from now and you’ll have a new best friend. Definitely don’t offer the position to her now. It’ll only hurt the friendship to rescind the offer later. Don’t make the offer until you’re 100% sure.
But if you’re hurt because she made two other bridesmaids in charge of the bachlorette party, then talk to her about it! Do you even know why she did that? Maybe she thinks you’re too stressed out with your own personal stuff to handle it. Or maybe the other two girls bullied her into it. You don’t know what’s going on, so how can you judge her for it?
Share your concerns. Tell her that you value your friendship and feel like she doesn’t as much for XYZ reasons. Be specific. Don’t throw blame around though. Don’t say it’s her fault and she’s treating you unfairly. Listen to her side of it. She probably has no idea how you feel. Don’t keep these feelings bottled up inside.
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