Post # 31
I can understand being disappointed. Part of me thinks a really close friend would find a way to be there.
On the other hand, an evening wedding on a Sunday is going to be hard for a lot of people. I did do a Sunday, but did it at noon because of the fact people had to be at work the next day and were travelling.
At least you can be glad she backed out now and was up front about it.
Post # 32
Seriously. Isnt the wedding ceromony the important part? its behaviour like this is why people commonly think all brides turn into Bridezilla.
Early AM medical job > wedding reception
Post # 33
It is NOT your place to decide how much time is enough for her to sleep and get ready for work. If you can’t be understanding of her situation, then it’s not a surprise that she had to decline your invitation. I’m sure it’s not personal against you, but her career is important and clearly she had to make the decision based on her priorities. I get you’re disappointed but an invite is not an obligation, don’t let it ruin a friendship.
Post # 34
You can’t plan a wedding on a day that’s inconvenient for most people and then get upset when someone can’t make it due to work. I get you consider her a close friend, but work is work and it’s not her fault if she doesn’t have the vacation days to take off. It’s not your place to decide what an acceptable time for her to go to bed is.
Post # 36
With that attitude, she has more reasons to end friendship with you, than you have to end friendship with her lol
Post # 37
i understand that you’d be disappointed. however, an event that starts at 6p on Sunday when people have work on Monday really is challenging for a lot of folks. Esp when you describe her job; it’s her life and her responsibilty to her work she needs to deal with. As you mentioned, there could be other factors like her break up going on here. If that’s the case, I’d want to be extra sympathetic to her, not mad.
Just to be realistic, she is probably not the only person who will decline an invitation due to having work obligations the next morning. there’s pros and cons to late Sunday weddings, and i’d be ready to deal with the cons graciously.
Post # 38
I think you SHOULD end the friendship………. and do this poor girl a favor.
You’re being an awful friend to her. She’s doing everything she can to accomodate your wedding. And for her, that means traveling 4 hours by train in one day, which turns into 5 or 6 as others have pointed out (*shudders*, just the thought of that awful commute makes me cringe). All so she can be there for YOU. She’s staying as long as she can, and giving you enough advanced notice. I work for an insurance company… not nearly as important/stressful/exhausting as the medical field and even I like to be home by 10pm when I have to go to work the next day.
Looking up the train schedule is not “arranging transportation” for her. And your thought that “I only get married one day!” well… one day versus her LIFE and CAREER is nothing. She may only have one shot at this career and staying up late and trying to suffer through a Monday morning shift because her “dear friend” demanded she stay out till midnight for her wedding, is not the way to impress the boss.
If you’re ready to drop her friendship so easily, then do it. Clearly you do not value this girl the way you should anyway.
Post # 39
For the reasons mentioned above my friend said she said she can’t be my Bridesmaid or Best Man, and that was the reason I replaced her. She said I should look for someone else who can be there for me. Maybe I have been immature that her not being at my wedding is measure of our friendship. It isn’t like I will call her and say it’a over between us. it is just reallg awkward to talk to her now after the whole conversation. I texted few times but conversations don’t really go anywhere because we don’t have as much common interests. I think she might be sad to lose another single friend. I had a lot of married friends when I was single but I didn’t mind meeting my friends with their husbands etc. She wasn’t really interested in getting to know my fiance. She wanted to go to trips just two of us and didn’t want me to bring my fiance/bf when I was planning to visit DC (We would have gotton our own hotel). Well. Everyone’s different but I see visible difference. With so many other stress factors with the wedding, I feel too tired to work things out with her emotions. I think I will still invite her for showers but I feel like she doesn’t want to be bothered by wedding stuff. I am going into my mid-thirty and wedding stuff are getting more delicate subjects with single mid to late thirtly friends
Post # 40
“Conversations don’t really go anywhere because we don’t have as much common interests”
You had the same amount of interests before and after she said she couldn’t come to the wedding. So this is a problem that happened long before the invitation decline.
“She wanted to go on trips just the two of us and didn’t want me to bring my fiance/bf”
I’ma just have to say… duh. She would have been a third wheel on a trip that SHE planned. She probably would have been fine with getting to know the guy, just not during special time she planned for just the two of you. You don’t bring your partner when your friend wants one on one time with you… it’s just not cool.
“With so many other stress factors with the wedding, I feel too tired to work things out with her emotions.”
Wow… just wow. You’re too exhausted from planning a wedding to talk to your “friend” for 5 minutes to say, “Hey, it’s a bummer you can’t come, but life happens right? Can we maybe celebrate together with dinner after the wedding? Or just get coffee this week?” Well, then I guess you should definitely end the friendship. For her sake.
Post # 41
- Wedding: July 2015 - The Biltmore Ballrooms
Kinda feel youre not being empathetic. I damn sure wouldnt want a sleepy doctor making life or death decisions on a monday morning. Replace her, dont make it awkward. Let her still come to the wedding as a guest///
Post # 42
So she’s good enough to invite to gift giving parties, but not good enough for you to try to speak with her or invite her to the wedding? Girl, please.
Post # 43
oh please. Trust me when I say I doubt she’s changed because she’s soooo jealous of you getting married. *rolls eyes* I’m sure it’s more about how selfish and self absorbed her friend has become.
Post # 44
- Wedding: July 2015 - Calamigos Ranch
I think we all have to remember that our friends aren’t obligated to be our bridesmaids or maids of honor. I don’t think it makes them value your friendship any less if they don’t want to play that role in your wedding. It’s a lot of responsibility and sometimes a lot of money and it’s not always the best timing for them.