(Closed) Awkward situation with bridesmaid. End of friendship?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can understand being disappointed. Part of me thinks a really close friend would find a way to be there.

On the other hand, an evening wedding on a Sunday is going to be hard for a lot of people. I did do a Sunday, but did it at noon because of the fact people had to be at work the next day and were travelling.

At least you can be glad she backed out now and was up front about it.

Post # 32
Member
7368 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Seriously. Isnt the wedding ceromony the important part? its behaviour like this is why people commonly think all brides turn into Bridezilla. 

Early AM medical job > wedding reception

Post # 33
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It is NOT your place to decide how much time is enough for her to sleep and get ready for work. If you can’t be understanding of her situation, then it’s not a surprise that she had to decline your invitation. I’m sure it’s not personal against you, but her career is important and clearly she had to make the decision based on her priorities. I get you’re disappointed but an invite is not an obligation, don’t let it ruin a friendship.

Post # 34
Member
7245 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can’t plan a wedding on a day that’s inconvenient for most people and then get upset when someone can’t make it due to work. I get you consider her a close friend, but work is work and it’s not her fault if she doesn’t have the vacation days to take off. It’s not your place to decide what an acceptable time for her to go to bed is.

Post # 36
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

With that attitude, she has more reasons to end friendship with you, than you have to end friendship with her lol

Post # 37
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

i understand that you’d be disappointed. however, an event that starts at 6p on Sunday when people have work on Monday really is challenging for a lot of folks. Esp when you describe her job; it’s her life and her responsibilty to her work she needs to deal with. As you mentioned, there could be other factors like her break up going on here. If that’s the case, I’d want to be extra sympathetic to her, not mad.

Just to be realistic, she is probably not the only person who will decline an invitation due to having work obligations the next morning. there’s pros and cons to late Sunday weddings, and i’d be ready to deal with the cons graciously.

Post # 38
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you SHOULD end the friendship………. and do this poor girl a favor.

You’re being an awful friend to her. She’s doing everything she can to accomodate your wedding. And for her, that means traveling 4 hours by train in one day, which turns into 5 or 6 as others have pointed out (*shudders*, just the thought of that awful commute makes me cringe). All so she can be there for YOU. She’s staying as long as she can, and giving you enough advanced notice. I work for an insurance company… not nearly as important/stressful/exhausting as the medical field and even I like to be home by 10pm when I have to go to work the next day.

Looking up the train schedule is not “arranging transportation” for her. And your thought that “I only get married one day!” well… one day versus her LIFE and CAREER is nothing. She may only have one shot at this career and staying up late and trying to suffer through a Monday morning shift because her “dear friend” demanded she stay out till midnight for her wedding, is not the way to impress the boss.

If you’re ready to drop her friendship so easily, then do it. Clearly you do not value this girl the way you should anyway.

 

Post # 40
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
dkfls:  “Conversations don’t really go anywhere because we don’t have as much common interests”

You had the same amount of interests before and after she said she couldn’t come to the wedding. So this is a problem that happened long before the invitation decline. 

“She wanted to go on trips just the two of us and didn’t want me to bring my fiance/bf” 

I’ma just have to say… duh. She would have been a third wheel on a trip that SHE planned. She probably would have been fine with getting to know the guy, just not during special time she planned for just the two of you. You don’t bring your partner when your friend wants one on one time with you… it’s just not cool.

“With so many other stress factors with the wedding, I feel too tired to work things out with her emotions.”

Wow… just wow. You’re too exhausted from planning a wedding to talk to your “friend” for 5 minutes to say, “Hey, it’s a bummer you can’t come, but life happens right? Can we maybe celebrate together with dinner after the wedding? Or just get coffee this week?” Well, then I guess you should definitely end the friendship. For her sake.

Post # 41
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - The Biltmore Ballrooms

Kinda feel youre not being empathetic. I damn sure wouldnt want a sleepy doctor making life or death decisions on a monday morning. Replace her, dont make it awkward. Let her still come to the wedding as a guest///

Post # 42
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

So she’s good enough to invite to gift giving parties, but not good enough for you to try to speak with her or invite her to the wedding? Girl, please.

Post # 43
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
dkfls:  oh please. Trust me when I say I doubt she’s changed because she’s soooo jealous of you getting married. *rolls eyes* I’m sure it’s more about how selfish and self absorbed her friend has become. 

Post # 44
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - Calamigos Ranch

I think we all have to remember that our friends aren’t obligated to be our bridesmaids or maids of honor. I don’t think it makes them value your friendship any less if they don’t want to play that role in your wedding. It’s a lot of responsibility and sometimes a lot of money and it’s not always the best timing for them. 

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