Post # 1
Just wanted some advice on how to handle a difficult and awkward situation.
Over the past year, FI and I have become quite good friends with a married couple (I’ll call them Mark & Kim) that we know through mutual friends. We often go to dinner together and they have two beautiful kids that we absolutely adore! Over the last couple of months, we noticed that Mark & Kim didn’t seem like their happy selves and were having issues in their marriage. Over the past few weeks, we saw numerous Facebook posts from both Mark & Kim which were evident that something had happened between them but neither FI or I responded to those FB posts because we did not want to get involved.
Last week, Mark had called my FI and told him that Kim had been cheating on him with a personal trainer that she had met on Gumtree (Australian version of Craigslist) and she had told him that she doesn’t love him anymore. Mark said that this resulted in a physical altercation where the cops were called and now Kim has a restraining order against Mark. Mark swears that he did not lay a finger on Kim and it was she who attacked him. I ended up contacting Kim to see if she was okay and went over to her house to check up on her and the kids. We ended up chatting for a bit and I told her to let me know if she needed anything and to call me if she wanted to hang out. Yesterday I received a FB message from Mark saying that Kim had been using me as an excuse to go out with the guy that she cheated on him with. So apparently she was telling Mark that she was going out with me but actually seeing the other guy.
I am really sad that this happening to good friends of ours and my heart absolutely breaks for the kids but I really do not want to be involved in this situation any more that I am already. We have also posted out all our wedding invites this weekend and we are not sure what to do with their invites as we cannot invite one and not the other but we know if they both attend then there definitely will be drama.
I could really use some advice!
Post # 2
bridetobeannie : Unfortunately I think that this is a situation where you have to either pick a side or walk away from both so to speak. I don’t think you can be friends with both without causing a drama with either party.
Personally I’d be pretty annoyed that someone used me as a beard for their tryst and I dislike dishonesty and wouldn’t want to be friends with a person who thinks its OK to cheat on their spouse and break up their family in such a destructive way. If you don’t feel like you are in a good relationship then walk away on decent honest terms not by forming a relationship with someone else. I know which side I’d be feeling bad for….
Post # 3
bridetobeannie : Here’s the thing- you don’t know for sure that Mark is telling you the truth. You don’t know if she is. Unless they are such good friends that you think you can have a clear, honest conversation with them, I’d walk away. It seems like at the very least, each is trying to get you guys on their side and that’s not a comfortable place to be.
You can always hand deliver your invitation to one or both after the dust settles. I would just back off for now and if either reach out, just avoid them or say you’d like to not get involved/don’t want to hear about the details.
Post # 4
bridetobeannie : When is the wedding?
I would just hold on to their invite and see how it will progress. You don’t have to decide now.
If you have other mutual friends that will receive an invitation and Mark & Kim will ask about their invitation (although I think they have bigger things to worry about now) – I’d be honest and say that you wanted to discuss it with them first, cause you’re not sure how to handle this situation and would it be too awkward for them to be at the wedding together.
Post # 5
Whilst my tendency is to believe a woman over a man when they give different versions, really you can’t know the truth , at this stage I doubt they even do themselves.!
I think you are far too close to your own wedding to involve yourselves and your phrase ” I really do not want to be involved in this situation any more that I am already” sensibly says it all.
In your situation I would send both invitations as normal and leave it to play out . Maybe, a day or so before the wedding , alert a friend or two if they both accept. ( I’m guessing she won’t and he will) Stay quiet on the social media front as far as they are concerned and respond to texts etc from either of them with the blandest and briefest replies compatible with good manners .
And then try not to think about it any more . Too much good and exciting personal stuff of your own happening to be involved in what sounds like a very umfortunate and messy situation .
PS I didn’t know you could date on Gumtree, I thought it was just to sell and buy stuff!
Post # 6
Thank you for all your advice!!!
Oh I was definitely annoyed that I was involved and still am… Not that this is an excuse to cheat but Kim was telling me that Mark has anger management issues and that’s why she found it very hard to converse with him in fear of setting him off. He also doesn’t handle his alcohol well and he also used to smoke a lot of pot but from what I hear he has cleaned up his act in the last couple of months..
I guess the most concerning thing for me are their kids who are only 6 & 7 and from what I gather they witnessed all the fights and was around when the physical altercation took place. My heart breaks for them and they’re such good kids too :-(.
PS: I didn’t know you could date on Gumtree either! But from what I understand, she was looking for a personal trainer and somehow met this guy who claimed to be one…