Post # 1
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
Okay, some background:
My sister is bisexual and in an open relationship (her and her SO are living with another couple and she has several other flings on the side)…..
My sister and I knew my Maid/Matron of Honor 13 years ago, and my sister considered her a closer friend…fast forward to 5 years ago and me and Maid/Matron of Honor remet and rekindled a good friendship since we have a lot in common…..(my sister has NOTHING in common with MOH)
My sister has told my Maid/Matron of Honor through online chatting very explicit things about her “love” life, and and Maid/Matron of Honor is open minded (although not bisexual herself) she has no problem chatting about these things (we are open about our sex lives etc to each other as well)…unfortunately I think she ended up leading on my sister…
So we went for my bachelorette on Saturday. We went to a bar that has ping pong tables. Everyone was joking around with the paddles pretending to paddle people…we had lots of jokes about “balls” etc…it was funny and we were all being silly….
It turns out that my sister was bare handed smacking my Maid/Matron of Honor on her butt! Maid/Matron of Honor tried to calmly control this because she knew if I knew I would lose it and didn’t want me to know since it was “my day”…..and my sister KEPT DOING IT THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT…..Maid/Matron of Honor finally had enough and went on about how it’s great to have one person (her bf) in her life who can fulfill EVERY NEED she has…..I’m not sure if my sister got the drift or not.
My concern is if my sister will continue this type of behaviour at my wedding….what do I do?
My sister has a lack of understanding of boundaries and appropriateness in certain situations/places and really likes to be the center of attention….So I would NOT be surprised if she does do this at the wedding (or something similar….she also was making all kinds of rude/blatantly sexual comments to Maid/Matron of Honor, which even made a friend of hers on Saturday become uncomfortable..)
Post # 3
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
@darkflame: oh dear, it does sound like she was accidentally “led on”. I think you need to talk to your sister about it – not in a way to embarrass her, but in a way where you tell her you noticed this happening, and hope she isn’t so frisky with her own date at the wedding! (is she brining a date??. Make light of it – but I also wouldn’t bring up that your Maid/Matron of Honor has no romantic feelings for her. Something like this: “My bach. was so fun right? I saw you were really getting into it, smacking MOH’s butt! haha! I am glad the wild part is out of the way, and now I can focus on the wedding where everyone will be more civilized and not acting as wild as we were!” Hopefully she’ll get THAT.
also your MOH’s bf will be there (right?) so that might help diffuse the situation between her and your sister. Sometimes it takes seeing to believe – seeing your Maid/Matron of Honor dance/kiss/hold hands with her bf might make that message sink in.
I hope this works out, it seems like it has the potential to be very messy.
Post # 4
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
@jasonkatie2014: Thanks! I doubt she would be embarrassed, she doesn’t seem to have that emotion….lol….but she would be defensive and ticked off if I tried to tell her what to do….
My sister is bringing her fiance, and Maid/Matron of Honor is bringing her bf…..
There’s also the fact that I think it’s my sister trying to mark “her” territory since she still considers Maid/Matron of Honor “her” friend first…..even though they are very different people from 13 years ago and have nothing in common…..me and Maid/Matron of Honor met up again and have a lot in common and have been amazing support systems for each other the past few years…..we are very much alike…..so I think that’s a big part as well…..
My sister always has considered herself the “popular” one, and maybe since I had 8 people at my bachelorette she felt awkward and didn’t realize I had so many good friends (I swear she thinks I’m a hermit)…..so that might be part of it too….
Post # 5
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@darkflame: Talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor, and give her your blessing to handle it as she sees fit. I think that is better than you talking to your sister, because you weren’t directly involved.
Your sister’s behaviour was inappropriate, regardless of whether she’s straight, gay or bi. Because it was inappropriate, Maid/Matron of Honor is within her rights to say something to her. Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t feel like she can’t say something for your sake. Let Maid/Matron of Honor know she can either say something before the wedding, or (if necessary) rudely tell your sister to back off if she touches her inappropriately at the wedding.
Post # 6
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
@paula1248: this is likely the best recourse….
I personally really don’t care WHAT her sexual preference (if she has one at all, it seems to be anything goes with her)…BUT it was funny that I figured out something was up with her when she stopped making disparaging comments about my “sordid past”…(which is really not that sordid)…..she used to talk about how slutty I was, and when that stopped I was confused…found this out and went AHHHH
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