AWKWARD work scenario! Help! What do I do tomorrow?

posted 2 months ago in Career
  • poll: Should I talk to her about it tomorrow?
    Yes, close the door and say you got this phone call. : (37 votes)
    77 %
    No, pretend it didn't happen, she obviously didn't want anyone to know! : (11 votes)
    23 %
    Other (please explain below!!) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    1085 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I would speak to her and let her know you got the phone call out of courtesy so that she knows where they are in the recruitment process. But she really doesn’t owe you or the company anything, I don’t think you can be upset if she is thinking about leaving. It sounds like the company is in a rough patch at the moment and she is probably overworked. It’s her choice and maybe there is something going on in her personal life that means she needs/wants to move out of state. 

    Although I do think its awkward that she used you as a reference without asking you!

    Post # 3
    4346 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 1997

    First, it was generous of you to have given her a glowing review, as it is extraordinarily unprofessional to list someone as a reference without asking them first. But this obviously needs addressing pronto, and SHE is the one who should feel awkward and not you. So, YES< talk to her about it. The only thing you can do from there is move forward, good news or bad. At least you might have a tiny bit of notice now…

    Post # 4
    45534 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would touch base with her in the morning, if only to ask her to please let me know in  the future if she wants to use me as a reference.

    Post # 6
    33 posts
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Okay maybe I can provide her perspective, because I am in her position currently.  


    I am deeply depended on by my supervisor and my staff and am the only one who is trained in a wide variety of tasts at work.  I have been in my current job for 7 years, and resigned on Friday.  If she is ready to move on (fair, she’s been there 10 year), overworked (fair, based on the circumstances of your ceo), or just wanting a new challenge, she really doesn’t owe the company anything.  It is common curtesy for her to inform her references that she listed them, and it sucks that you were taken off guard by that.  But it seems like you are more upset that she is leaving you “high and dry”.  But the truth is, she has every right to leave and I would in her position.  I agonized for months about leaving my current job but I just couldn’t do it anymore.  

    Take heart that it it was probably a hard decision for her, but you shouldn’t confront her about anything.  She has done nothing wrong.

    Post # 9
    1000 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I would let her know they called you, trying to cover it up sounds even more awkward! Let her know you’re happy for her but that it would have been better to ask you before putting you down as a reference.

    Post # 10
    15 posts
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I definitely will tell her and try to ask for a clear explanation since its out of the sudden! And tell her that in the future to give you a heads up.

    Post # 11
    8016 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    rude that she didn’t ask first if you wouldn’t mind being a reference.

    but i don’t understand how her leaving leaves you high and dry.  people change jobs all the time.

    Post # 12
    2331 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    newlybeebride :  If I was a boss, I would not give my subordinates warning that I was looking for a new job, so I think your expectations are a bit unrealistic in that point.  I obviously would ask people if I could use them for references, so on that part she dropped the ball.  My guess is she may have applied for this a while ago and the company is now just checking references, but again, she only has the obligation to ask to use you as a reference.  Usually companies contact the applicant before their references – at least that’s been my experience.

    I would mention it to her, not “sit her down” to talk to her.  Your post comes across as pretty bitter.  You keep saying you understand she doesn’t owe the company (or you) anything but that’s not the tone I’m getting.

    If she leaves it is up to her supervisors to figure it out.  It they don’t, then I’d be looking for a new job myself.  Everyone is overworked these days and companies need to do more with less.  I live in an employment at will state so I’m sure my views are a bit biased.

    Post # 13
    5145 posts
    Bee Keeper

    That’s incredibly inappropriate of her to list you as a reference and not tell you.  I honestly wouldn’t have said anything, that was very nice of you to give her a glowing reference. I wouldn’t have done the same personally.


    Post # 14
    492 posts
    Helper bee

    It’s a little strange that she did not mention to you that she would be listing you as a reference. Would her leaving allow you to advance or maybe take over her position? Maybe she could recommend you take on some of her responsibilities if she leaves? That could put you in a better position rather than her leaving you high and dry as you put it.

    Post # 15
    2896 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    To speak to the reference thing, I have applied for jobs that required I list references when applying  (obviously not a point at which I’d be telling anyone), and call them without warning me. It’s possible she doesn’t even know….

    Leave a comment

    Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
    I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

    Find Amazing Vendors