(Closed) Awkwardddddd Etiquette Question

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

well these people knew they werent invited, they just wanted to give you a nice gift, i think a thank you card and a verbal thank you is great! dont worry!

Post # 4
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I hate being one of the first to respond to something like this, but I’m going to give you my two cents:

You are under no obligation to invite them. It’s incredibly generous of them to shower you with goodies and attention, and hopefully their motives are good and they aren’t just trying to butter you up for a seat at the wedding. If so, they aren’t people whose opinion you need to worry about anyway. It is very inappropriate to give someone a gift and expect something in return. Hopefully they understand this and don’t expect you to throw your whole plan out of whack to accomodate them. If somebody wants to talk, let them talk. It happens at almost every wedding anyway, and you just have to learn how to let it roll of your shoulder. Nice gifts warrant nice thank you notes, more than just “Thanks for the gift. We appreciate it.” Tell them how much you appreciate the support, what you use the gift for or how much you use it and that you enjoy working with them and having them as friends. I wouldn’t even bring up the fact that you were sorry you couldn’t have them there. Don’t make it a deal, and it probably won’t become a deal.

Hope this helps!

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Wow, I want to work where you work! The people sound lovely. I think a sincere thank you message would be fine–as stephanie said, they did this on their own, so they must have really wanted to. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Why don’t you write a thoughtful thank you card and bake up (or buy!) a couple batches of goodies to bring in w/ the thank you card?  They obviously know they aren’t invited to the wedding and sometimes people just want to do something good for others – honestly!!

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

OOh I feel your pain on this! I started my job in January and am now quite friendly with several people from work. Part of me feels like I should invite them, but if I invite one I’d have to invite another 10-20 people which when your total guestlist is around 80 adds a LOT of people!

My compromise is that our venue is actually an open garden and technically will be open to any member of the public that wishes to pay their 5 bucks to get in. I’m going to tell my co-workers that they’re more than welcome to come and see the ceremony as it’s open to the public. I think they’ll be happy with that and hopefully there’s not an awkward lay over period when we go into the reception (which is also at the same venue).

Post # 8
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think @MrsJKH2be: had the best idea! A thank you note and come goodies sounds perfect.

Dont worry about inviting them. they know they are not invited and just wanted to do something nice for you.

Post # 9
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I was also going to suggest treating them to lunch being brought in or made by you or something yummy in the break room to share.

How wonderful of them to do that for you.

Post # 10
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

No need to invite them. They chose to buy the gift for you – especially because they FOUND your registry – its not like you gave it to them! A thank you note will suffice!

Post # 11
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow.  That is super nice. 

Post # 12
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

Don’t worry about inviting them.  They didn’t buy a gift for an invitation.  They know that your wedding list was made before you met them, and they still wanted to get you something special.  Write a beautiful thank you, and if you want to treat them to some goodies when you return from your honeymoon that’s an extra bonus for them.  Don’t be afraid to share your wedding photos with them, because they will probably want to see you as a beautiful bride!

Post # 13
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah you don’t have to invite them. And THEY should feel awkward for spending so much on you after only knowing you a short while and not even being invited to the wedding! Your only obligation is to write a thank you card.

Post # 14
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t worry about the fact that they’re not invited. It sounds like they just wanted to do something really nice for you, not make you feel awkward in any way. I think a sincere thank-you note is all you need. 

Post # 15
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I had a very similar situation.  I started working in my office after i got engaged and made the guest list.  they threw me a little bridal shower in the office and all chipped in and got me a $250 gift card!! I was so thankful but knew they knew they weren’t invited to the wedding!

Post # 16
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t see anything wrong with just a thank you card.  Its obvious that they weren’t doing this for an invite.  They just wanted to give you a gift.  I’m sure they totally understand that they can’t be invited.  Maybe in passing one day you can mention it.  Not that you’d have to.

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