Post # 1
My FI and I live together (2 years) and have been engaged for several months. We got an invitation this week to the wedding of a friend of his from high school. By we, I really mean HE, because my name wasn’t on the invitation. They also didn’t have an inner envelope or an RSVP card saying how many seats were reserved for him.
We legitimately weren’t sure if I actually wasn’t invited–which would be kind of unusual, since we’re engaged!! but not totally insane, I guess, because I’ve never met either of them–or if they just didn’t know the etiquette. Having read some posts on the bee about people unintentionally excluding SOs, I encouraged my FI to text his friend and ask.
Welp, I sure wasn’t invited!! The friend’s text said something like, “Well, such-and-such from high school is coming alone, so we thought you would want to come with him! Also, you guys weren’t engaged yet when we wrote the envelopes. But you can bring her if you like! Just let us know.”
What on earth?! Now it’s SUPER awkward. The worst part is, we KNOW he was lying about us not being engaged when they did the envelopes! Not just because it’s so improbable that they wrote out their envelopes multiple months ago, but because the friend texted a week ago to say congrats on our engagement and what was FI’s address for the envelopes!
So uncomfortable!! I think we will decline, as the wedding is several hours’ drive from where we live, and I don’t really want to impose, since I wasn’t actually invited! What do you bees think?
Post # 3
Thoes friends are rude as hell. If your FI isn’t dead set on going then I’d be totally for not going to that wedding.
Post # 4
If they said it was okay then just RSVP for 2 and go enjoy the wedding.
Post # 5
What’s the big deal? They said you are welcome to come if you want.
Go if you guys want to and just don’t go if you don’t want to because it’s far.
Post # 6
I’d feel pretty awkward too. I probably wouldn’t go. It’s very rude of them though, I agree!
Post # 7
Maybe they didn’t want to say that they didn’t invite you because they never met you and are trying to keep the cost of their wedding low. Either way, you weren’t actually invited and now you know that, so I just wouldn’t go. Honestly, my own FI probably wouldn’t go if I wasn’t invited, but I’d tell him to go, have fun and I would have myself a nice little girl’s night that night or a night to myself!
Post # 8
That really doesn’t seam that uncommon to me, espeshally if its a small wedding (just family and close friends) and your a stranger they have never met. I know I do not want anyone at my wedding that we both don’t know closely and are important in our lives and it seams like they made arrangments for your fiancé to hang with his old friends so he wouldn’t be alone. Wouldnt he have fun just doing that? I would either get to know them and meet them in person before the wedding or just decline. Now if it is a larger 100 person plus wedding then that would be less understandable
Post # 9
I would go if your fiancé is planning on going. My fiancé always tries to attend every wedding he is invited to. Enjoy yourself, don’t stress out about it. Unless it is a small, intimate wedding, it should be all good.
What’s awkward is that my fiancé and I were invited to a wedding of one of his college buddies. I had met him and his fiancée before, but when I got there, the groom mixed me up with one of my fiancé’s ex gfs and the bride didn’t even remember we had met before!! O.o
Post # 10
Weird move on their part. I’d go, if you want to that is.
Post # 11
Definitely a bit weird on their end, probably hoping he would just come alone and keep their costs down. I wouldn’t feel weird going, though, assuming its not a tiny tiny wedding.
Post # 12
@howsweetitis: Yeah, I totally agree with your feelings. I would feel the same way.
If they know you are engaged, which clearly they do, then not inviting you and inviting your FI alone is really really weird and would make me uncomfortable.
I also wanted an intimate wedding, but I definitely invited engaged friends FI’s even if I didn’t know the FI personally.
Post # 13
I just can’t imagine that it’s an intimate wedding, considering they invited my FI, who hasn’t seen them in over 2 years! But honestly, we have no idea what the size of the wedding is.
Also, Autumnsnow, that is truly, stupendously awkward. Especially after you were engaged!! Yikes.
It’s a 6 hour drive to this wedding, so FI would have to drive to and from by himself and also get a hotel, so it’s not just like a fun evening out with some old friends for him.
And, you know, I totally get that guest lists are tough! The lying about the envelope thing is what’s weirdest to me!!!
Post # 14
They’re rude and I wouldn’t go because they didn’t want you there in the first place. I don’t like going where I’m unwanted. If it were me and DH, he would probably decline since he doesn’t like going to weddings.
Post # 15
If your fiance is not insisting on attending, I’d send along regrets. I, too, don’t like to go where I am so obviously not wanted. If he does plan on attending, I supposed I’d hold my nose and go since these people are so graciously (not) “allowing” you to come. The thing that really bothers me is that the guy 1) actually knew the etiquette involved and 2) was lying, nevertheless.
Post # 16
@howsweetitis: 6 hours away and they aren’t close? In that case I would send my regrets.