Post # 16
Actually no, I wouldnt be offended if I was told why and still able to celebrate with them. I agree true friends will understand (which they already know about my wedding situation). Im going to personally reach out, explain and invite. thanks bee’s or the good and not helpful advice lol
Post # 17
If you did think anyone might be offended, you could always lie. Call them and say “hey I didn’t get your RSVP” and they’ll say “wtf you talking about” and you can pretend their invite must have gotten lost in the mail omg how terrible, good thing you followed up when you didn’t get their rsvp!
But honestly I don’t see why they would be offended by the truth and think you could invite them over the phone with an apology for the late notice and an explanation of the situation.
Post # 18
I don’t think there is ever a polite way to B list someone. My feeling is that if you felt so strongly about including these people, you would have planned accordingly from the start, even if you had to cut corners in other places or pick a different venue or type of party.
Post # 19
stuckinwonderland : I agree. Receiving an invite 19 days before the wedding screams” B LIST”. I have never understood this. Either you want people at the wedding or you don’t. If I had received this, I’d toss it.
Post # 20
Of course I want everyone there. Doesn’t make is feasible! Were paying for the wedding ourselves. Small venue which cant hold 100+ people etc. I personally love small intimate weddings where I dont feel like another #. I’d rather know I was carefully picked and chosen (which Fiance & I have decided to only have people there who are gonna support us no matter what). B list or not.
Post # 21
People have a lot of feelings about this sort of thing but if you explained that it was going to be immediate family only and now you can invite friends I’d be thrilled. You know your crowd. I do think I’d like a formal invitation as otherwise it feels a bit more like ‘eh, turn up if you want’.
Post # 22
Since your wedding is super small I wouldn’t feel offended that I was on the B-list. I come from a big famlily and my dad’s side alone can easily fill 50 seats so I would be understanding as to the predicament you were in. I, however, would be taken aback if it was a gigantic affair, you had invited everyone and their mother, and then decided to invite me late in the game.
As for how you would invite, I say just call them. Coffee seems like too much unless you were meaning to get coffee with said person anyway.
Post # 23
carter2bee : Brides should have a simpler reception and invite everybody. No A or B list.
Post # 24
Did you have any singles you didn’t give any +1s to because of space? If you did I would start there. I don’t think many people would get offended by someone now offering to give them a date to bring now that there is more space. If you think your closest friends wouldn’t mind being asked this late than do it, but being a “b” lister is a sensitive thing to some people.
Post # 25
I think B lists get a bad rep. While being a ‘seat-filler’ may be offensive, there are lots of people who understand budget/venue restraints and that obviously your family gets first dibs. You have a 50 person wedding – that’s incredibly intimate and of course your friends are going to understand that your great-grandmother/aunt/cousin/[insert relative here] got first dibs on a seat.
Already, for my wedding, we had one of FI’s old fraternity brothers ask if space became available if he could come. If you know your friends feel similarly, meet for coffee and say ‘So-and-So could not make it to our wedding. I would love if you could come celebrate with us.’ It’s not as rude as people make it out to be so long as you are asking for their presence and not a gift.
Post # 26
I really hate “b-listing.” It’s rude and people will definitely notice. If I got an invite to a wedding at the last minute I would feel like I’m only invited so the bride and groom stay on the numbers, which is essentially what this is doing. Just invite your guests on your list and if too many decline, then see if you can upgrade something at your venue so you don’t lose money.
Post # 27
Hmm, that’s a hard one. It also depends on your motivations. Inviting a close friend who you really wanted to include but couldn’t because it was only family is different than inviting a coworker or casual friend just because you want to fill the seats.
Post # 28
ive been invited to weddings last minute… no big deal however I agree your attitude is whats making this tacky
if your just worried about a few empty seats then offer a few +1
Post # 29
I understand budget restraints, which is why I don’t expected to be invited to every single friend’s wedding. And while I wouldn’t find it offensive, I would find it quite eyeroll-worthy to be called up a couple of weeks in advance to an a wedding, which is a social event that requires more financial commitment/guest preparation than average, by someone who clearly assumes that I either a)have nothing better to do or b)will be willing to drop the plans I made to take up his/her invitation (anyone who thinks b-listing like this is a “courtesy” to let people know you care about them is beyond any counsel I have the patience to give). I’m not a recluse and I don’t hold dates to events that I haven’t been invited to open “just in case.” I’m virtually guaranteed to already have a prior engagement, thanks.
Also, it seems spectacularly ill-advised to have detailed conversations where you explain to someone in detail why they were at first not good enough to make the cut for your event, but now have become acceptable invitees. That has the chance of taxing the patience of even the most forgiving soul.
Post # 30
happyowlbee : Thats exactly who it would be. Not just a random acquaintance. Just close friends.
There are actually no +1’s on my list. wives and husbands sure or engaged couples okay.
I can see my post is giving off the wrong view of me. I promise I would never insult someone. I personally wouldnt be offended and was JUST wondering if I should send out a paper invite or do it in person. My wedding is absolutely nothing traditional . . . I have broken all ‘wedding etiquette’ and dont mind making it what WE want. Im not having a bridal party, were having a early morning ceremony and serving breakfast all in the same space. 1 set up. No formal pictures (I dont think)… No flowers other than my bouquet (silk). No dancing, No drinking other than mimosas. I couldnt care LESS about getting a gift. I perfer if they dont!! We have an established home for years together. I of course dont want to hurt feelings BUT I would rather take the chance on explaining my situation and letting them decide or be upset than to not invite if I have room and regret it later. END OF STORY.