(Closed) B Listers and the Bridal Shower

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

In My Humble Opinion, I think you have no choice.  You really can’t invite people to the shower and not the wedding.  Unless you already know some of the ‘nos’ the B listers shouldn’t be at the shower.

Post # 4
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

If someone were to invite me to a wedding shower, but I don’t get an invitiation to the wedding, I would feel like it was a slap in the face.  Ultimately people show up to the shower bearing gifts, so I think it would look awfully bad for someone to show up with a gift for the bride, but they are not invited to the wedding.  It would seem to me that the bride would just be looking out for the gifts and not the guests. 

But playing devil’s advocate, it could also mean that you can’t afford to have them come to the wedding due to headcount but want them to share in your special day. 

I would not suggest inviting guests not invited to the wedding to your shower though…it seems a bit odd to me.

Post # 5
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Definite faux pau (or however you spell that blasted word), but I can sympathize.  The Fiance and I are planning a small-ish wedding (80 invites max) consisting mostly of family and very close friends, but I have lots of college chums who I feel bad leaving out of the festivities.

Have you thought about inviting some people to just the reception– or just the ceremony?  I know it sounds tacky, especially if your friends will be travelling, but if it’s for you, their good friend, I doubt they’ll mind.  I attended my boss’ wedding a few years ago and was only invited to the ceremony.  It was two hours away, but I happily spent the money and had a great time driving up there in the summer sun.  Post-ceremony, they had their cocktail hour (veggie, cheese/cracker, and fruit plates with punch) at the ceremony locale.  Us "B-listers" left after this brief snack’n’chat, and I don’t think any of us felt slighted.

Ultimately, it’s up to you who you want on the guest list– ceremony, reception, or otherwise.  But consider including these friends in some way if you really want them to come to your bridal shower.

Post # 6
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I think everyone would agree that it’s tough keeping your guest list in line with your budget. However, it has to be done and in my opinion, inviting anyone to the shower when they’re any less than 100% invited to the wedding is in horrible taste. Try not to feel too guilty about having to exclude some people out of the festivities (I know that’s easier said than done!).

Post # 7
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We had a similar issue.  Our wedding is small – 55 guests – so we can’t invite everyone we’d like to the shower.  To include as many people as possible, we are hosting a second reception.  Anyone invited to either reception will be invited to the shower, but we’re making it clear that it is a non-gift shower.  We already have most everything we need, so more gifts in our small apartment isn’t necessarily a good thing.  To help keep costs down for our Maid/Matron of Honor and to make sure people don’t feel odd coming without something in hand, we’re suggesting a pot-luck party.

If you are having another, more inclusive party, it may be ok to invite them, but it would be a stretch.  It’s certainly complicated, but as rosychicklet noted, unless you’re sure of A list nos, B listers should remain on the B list.

Post # 8
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

i def think it is in poor taste to invite someone to the shower and not invite her to the wedding.

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