Post # 1
Member
3003 posts
Sugar bee
So my husband I had thought babies two years apart would make a lot of sense. With my job a summer due date is ideal (my son was born in July 2014 which was basically perfect) so that means we would TTC again, like, today (it took us four months to conceive our son so assuming about the same). Anyways, I have cold feet like crazy! My son only sleeps through the night occasionally and sometimes he starts his day at 6 am so I’m pretty tired most of the time. My son is also still breastfeeding and I don’t want to wean him yet, plus the only cycle I’ve had was 46 days so I’m not feeling very fertile. Anyway, I’m leaning towards waiting a year and going for babies three years apart…but I turn 34 next month and of course this is assuming no secondary infertility or losses- just in an ideal world. Ok so I’d love to hear from moms with children two or three years apart and what you think is ideal in terms of child spacing. Part of me wants to just get ‘er done and be through the very small children phase of our lives (diapers, etc) but I don’t know if I can handle that! Or if I even want that. So, lay it on me!
Post # 2
Member
4364 posts
Honey bee
I’d go with 3. I only want to be changing one set of diapers at a time. Plus at 3 your son will be more self-sufficient, which will make it easier on you with a newborn.
Post # 3
Member
9154 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
MrsAKSkier: We were going for 1.5 – 2 years. I had an early miscarriage but then got pregnant again pretty quickly after that and they ended up closer to 2.5 years apart which has worked out fine. My first was a great sleeper from the get-go though and they were both pretty easy babies. Good luck!
Post # 4
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
My mum has drilled it in to me that 4 years is perfect. My brother and I are four years apart and it meant that he started school one month after I was born (I was born in august he turned 4 september 1st and in the uk children can start full time at 4) So i will aim for that but I need the first born first! Several friends have three years apart and have found it stressful to have a toddler and a newborn. Honestly I doubt there is an ideal time and the best thing to do is wing it and see!!
Post # 5
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Mine will be 2 years and 1 month apart. I’m definitely nervous since DD#1 is still a terrible sleeper at 21 months. I like that we’ll get done with the baby/toddler years sooner. I think anywhere between 2-3 years apart would be good. I wouldn’t want to go over 3 years apart since I have read that can really spur sibling rivalry.
ETA DD is dying for a playmate and is really into babies right now, so I’m hoping she’ll love having a sister close to her age!
Post # 6
Member
7804 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
My sister and I were 4-1/2 years apart, and I cannot think of anything worse. She was old enough to resent me being born, and enough older than me so that we couldn’t really relate to each other on anything. Additionally, from my point of view, a parent just gets over the baby/diapers thing only to start all over again. I couldn’t bear the thought of that.
We aimed for two years apart, and our first and second were 28 months apart while our second and third were 21 months apart. That really was perfect for us. One was not old enough to have all the baby things packed away or gone before the next one arrived, so we could still use the strollers and other things. And none of them were old enough to really remember life without a sibling. They are two years apart in school, which is perfect, and one always remembers doing the same project or assignments and can help the other. Generally they all get along great and include each other in almost everything.
I knew that I would have to get the baby stage DONE because once a child was out of diapers and tying their own shoes, it is so hard to go back. Then when the last one was out of a certain stage, we knew we could get rid of everything because we wouldn’t need it again (stroller, crib, bouncy seat, car seat, clothing, age-appropriate toys and books). As the kids got older, we could do different vacations because we didn’t have to plan with a baby in mind. We can go to parks and everyone can ride the rides instead of having one parent wait with the baby while the other takes the older child. We had three children in exactly four years (the oldest and youngest share a birthday), and that spacing was ideal for us.
Post # 7
Member
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
My daughters are 8 years apart and they will be almost 13 and 5 when our new (and last) baby arrives in March. My older daughter is from my first marriage- hence the larger gap, but the younger 2 are from DH- we just didn’t feel ready before now. It means lot to have them sleeping through the night and out of diapers. So in your case I would vote 3 years.
Post # 8
Member
3003 posts
Sugar bee
saratiara2: One set of diapers. YES.
Daisy_Mae: Good sleepers, I am so jealous. Our neighbor has four daughters and once she mentioned that all her kids were good sleepers as babies. I was like, “so that’s why you had four!” This past year would’ve been SO MUCH easier without the extreme sleep deprivation. It’s been the hardest part of parenthood for me, by far!
Dogmummy: My brother was born in August and I turned 4 the next month, in September! Crazy. It worked out fine for our family although my mom told me she wanted us closer in age. It just wasn’t in the cards since she had some reporductive health issues after I was born.
Cory_loves_this_girl: I saw you were pregnant again- you’re having another girl, awesome! Congrats! I would also be terrified. Hopefully you are due for some good karma and your second is the sleepiest little sleeper there is!
Post # 9
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
MrsAKSkier: My brother and I are 2 3/4 years apart. My Mom commented a few times that she regretted it because whenever I finished one developmental phase (ie potty training) my brother would be just starting, so it all felt twice as long for her. That being said, she was a terrible Mother who complained about everything…so just do what your heart tells you 🙂
Post # 10
Member
3003 posts
Sugar bee
echomomm: So interesting that you and
eeniebeans had such opposite responses! You both have good reasons for less spaced and more spaced. 2 years apart sounds so nice for older kids but pretty overwhelming when they are little….pros and cons to both!
I’ve tried talking to my husband and he is no help. He says, “what if our second one is an even worse sleeper? and not even cute.” Thanks babe, very helpful.
Post # 11
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper
MrsAKSkier: Thanks! We’re definitely hoping for an all around easier baby this time! If this baby was even just a good sleeper and nothing else, that would make a huge difference. If we waited for DD#1 to be a good sleeper to have another, we probably wouldn’t ever get around to it haha.
Post # 12
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
Our plan (hahaha haha, a plan.) Is not to try until this baby is at least 18 months. So that’ll put us just under 2.5 years from birth to birth.
A couple of reasons, it’s the minimum time the WHO advises, re: giving your body enough time to properly recover and reset for another baby (babies born closer than that can mean that the 2nd baby is exposed to elevated hormones from the start.) It also means #1 will be a little more independent. And I think it’s a good age gap (I’m 2 years 9 months older than my sister, it was great growing up. And now she’s my best friend.) And it gives me more than enough time to return to work when the lo is a year, get back into the groove and earn my hours for my second mat leave (we need 600. And I’d like to have wiggle room just in case something happens at the end to take me off work.)
We aren’t super young. So that plays on my mind too and it’s a big reason I don’t want to wait too long before trying for #2.
Post # 13
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee
So I’m a triplet and my younger sister is only 11 months younger than I am. My mom swears she has no idea how it happened (really mom?) and she said it was the hardest 2 years of her life. But once we were all walking she said it was much easier because she was able to tackle everything for the 3 of us at once. Potty training, naps, feeding… my sister was a little early and we were a little late. She had my brother 2 years later, so she couldn’t have been that deterred.
I will be 37 when I have my first, so ideally I’d like 2 years between kids, but am kind of running out of time.
Post # 14
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I am just now feeling like I could manage being pregnant let alone having another baby to take care of. DD is 18 months tomorrow and we are starting to try this cycle. So, they’ll hioefully be about 2.5 years apart, which I feel is perfect for us – a nice balance of close in age but fsr enough apart for it to be manageable.
Post # 15
Member
1138 posts
Bumble bee
Mine will be about 18 mos apart, and I didn’t want to wait because we know we want to have lots of kids so why delay?
