Post # 17
I guess I don’t personally understand why you wouldn’t want to include the babies. But this is because both fiance and I come from really big families and as I kid I always thought it was so cool to go to a wedding with my parents and be able to dance and stay up later than I was allowed to.
My advice would be if you don’t want them there, then don’t make any exceptions because you’ll just rub some people the wrong way.
Post # 18
We both have such large extended family’s so we agreed that in order to have our wedding in our budget we would have to keep guest count down. To be true to ourselves, we both always talked about a smaller wedding and agreed that’s how we would do it. So we cut off our guest list at 130 which meant no 2nd generation cousins and no children. If we were to allow children we would be looking at another 30 guests which would put us far over budget.
Also the style of wedding is late evening so doesn’t really make sense for someone to bring their child.
Post # 19
Stick to your guns. Thats what I had to do with no kids at the wedding. I did make the exception for our ringbearer, since his parents are paying for his outfit and taking time off to make the rehersal and everything. But I did have a cousin of my FI’s who right after getting the invatation on the mail asked if she could bring her 1 and half year old to the wedding. So I had to politley tell her no. Was she pissed about it yes, but she will get over it.
Post # 20
You should definitely have the wedding you want, but just be prepared that some people might not come. It’s nothing against you and if they get upset or think you’re being rude, that’s their problem.
As a mom, I totally understand both sides. I know how annoying kids can be. I have 2! But I also know how difficult it can be to leave a young baby with a babysitter, even if it’s a family member. Breastfeeding really complicates it. And no it’s not as easy as bringing a pump. There has to be a private room available for that (not the bathroom!) and that’s not always possible.
OP, I totally understand your predicament. This wedding business is hard! You can’t seem to please everyone, so I say please yourself 🙂
Post # 21
This is how I think about it: If your (understandable) choice as a parent is to never leave your child with a babysitter or family member due to their age, your personal beliefs, etc…, you also take on the burden on of missing out on some things – but again, it’s your choice as a Mother or Father. If you want respect for your decisions – you in turn have to respect and understanding for others choices to not allow chidren and/or newborns at their events.
Post # 22
I guess I’m of the mindset that if you don’t want to leave your child with a sitter or your parents etc, then you decline. I would NEVER complain to the bride/groom about it. I have a child, I know that it’s hard to leave them when they’re babies, if you don’t feel comfortable leaving them and the wedding is adult only then you don’t go. Who the hell are you to get upset about what the bride wants for the day she’s been waiting for and she’s paying for. If it’s not an option for you to go without your child(ren) then you don’t go. Period. NOT YOUR DAY. I feel like the bride and groom go through enough shit with family etc not getting their way and having to go things to please everyone else that if they don’t want kids, they don’t. As I said, I’m a mom – but I don’t expect that everyone who isn’t one should want my kid there. Why the hell should someone change THEIR idea of THEIR perfect day because I have a daughter? If I choose not to leave my kid with someone else, that is my issue, not the bride/grooms.
As for parents of toddlers or older kids – who doesn’t want a night off? Those ones I can’t understand – it’s a night you or you and your SO get together to have a good time and not worry about your kids all night. And again, NOT YOUR DAY
Post # 24
@bzybee15: you are old enough to actually remember those weddings which also means you could control your own crying and screaming. this is more about children under the age of 4.
I am absolutely sick and tired of people that have babies complaining about accommodations not being made for them by people that DON’T have babies or don’t WANT babies at their event. Those of us without babies enjoy kid-free, crying-free, screaming-free environments. A baby can be a buzzkill and one stupid cry can be so ridiculously irritating during a personal moment with vows or a heartfelt speech from a loved one. “Adults-Only” is a RIGHT, and shouldn’t be fought with if it’s not your own event, period. Why can’t parents understand that just because they made a choice to have kids, that choice doesn’t have to ruin the fun for the rest of us? Sorry, not all of us are excited to drink, dance, and have fun in the presence of a baby. This would be different if it was the mall, park, someone’s home…whatever. I love babies, but this is a formal event, and the bride and groom don’t want children there, that is THEIR choice. Just because the parents are in a different stage of their life doesn’t mean they have to make everyone else share that with them. People need to understand that having a child is a sacrifice. You decided to have a baby, so that means you leave the baby with a sitter or miss an Adult-Only reception. If you’re not ready to miss Adult Only receptions, then don’t have babies yet. PERIOD.
Honestly OP – it’s your sister so I’d reason with her and ask if her and her husband can take shifts or invite a trusted friend to come watch the baby at the hotel or something. It’s your money and you are paying way too much to have any baby disturbances at your wedding.
Post # 25
I’m very much in agreement that it is a bride’s prerogotive to have an adults only wedding, no exceptions. I’m also in agreement that parents have every right to decide not to leave children with others, especially breast feeding children. And if you get an invitation that doesn’t include your infant, turn it down.
The big conflict arises when you don’t want any infants at your wedding, but those infants belong to people you really, really want at your wedding. The Honor part of Maid/Matron of Honor seems pretty hollow when you spend the whole evening feeling uncomfortable that your baby isn’t there.
I think you can draw the line at breastfeeding close family members, or even breast feeding members of the bridal party if you want to.
As for those who are trying to decide where to draw the line on guests for their wedding, the safest thing to do is to assume all those with children, if they have to find suitable childcare, probably won’t come. If you really want those people there, be prepared to check with them if they are comfortable with babysitters, and if not, compromise.
Post # 26
I don’t think it has to be all or nothing. People have every right to want an adults only wedding, but if making that a strict rule means the bride’s sister doesn’t attend, well that sucks.
Personally, if I was invited to a wedding without kids and I decided to get a babysitter and attend, I would not be outraged that the Bride made one exception for her sister, and I certainly wouldn’t say anything to anyone about it.
Post # 27
Thanks for all the comments! My fiance have decided to stick with our plan of no children across the board. We also agreed to deal with each scenario as it comes up. If someone really close to us RSVP’s that they aren’t coming due to breastfeeding we are open to making an exception or 2.
My sister has calmed down and agreed that she will have her son picked up 15 minutes before the ceremony. If we weren’t in such a brutal situation with a snowball effect of children I would honestly just allow all babies under the age of 1. We both feel we would be offending far more people if we did that, including my Future Mother-In-Law which I don’t even want to get into.
Gosh, what a situation. Here’s hoping it’s smooth sailing for the next 5 weeks!
Post # 28
@MrsAMac: I can kind of understand where you’re coming from…. but come on, your sister, your Maid/Matron of Honor, and her baby is 7 MONTHS OLD. how can you ask her not to bring her baby?
no wonder she’s upset, and when/if you have a baby maybe you’ll feel differently.
I think you should make exceptions for infants. If anyone says anything, you can say well, we didn’t want kids at the wedding, but they are still nursing… or whatever.
personally, I don’t understand why so many modern brides dont’ want children at their weddings, an event that remains about the joining together of two families. and children are family!
is it just the potential fussing or crying during the ceremony? We’ve arranged a room where the parents can take them to play with a few toys or get away if there’s an issue, and it will be announced where it is before the ceremony begins. seems like is always a solution.
Post # 29
@MrsAMac: ok, maybe should have read your most recent post, I was responding to the original.
glad your sister has “calmed down” but i’m sure she’s still choked. And I dont’ understand how you’d be “offending” way more people by allowing infants under one year of age. am I just dense?
Post # 30
my wedding was adults only and i am so glad i did it. i have been to nightmare weddings where children are crying and you cannot even hear the ceremony and even though the parents do leave it IS a disruption even if it is only for a minute.
Post # 31
I think you should have the wedding you want. If you don’t want children then no children. But you have to be prepared for people being upset about leaving their kids at home and some of them might even decide not to come. I don’t think it’s fair for guests to get upset with you or try to sway you to make an exception because it puts you in an awkward situation with deciding who gets the exception. I think it’s worse when you make exceptions because those who did not get the exception will be even more upset when they show up and see that exceptions were made.
it’s your wedding so people should go with want you want and if they can’t leave their kids at home then they have the option of not attending. I welcomed all children at my wedding but ended up with only a 2 yr old, a 3 yr old, and a 3 month old. I didn’t even notice the 3 month old at all. It was actually kinda of nice to see my photographer’s candid shots of the kids. They are so cute. I also come a family where we never exclude children from our life events. I’ve been attending weddings since I was very little. I know not every family feels that a night time formal event is a place for children and I respect that. Planning a wedding is difficult enough. Why do some people insist on giving the bride grief for her decisions? It’s your party and you’re paying.