(Closed) Babies at wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Personally, I think having babies at a wedding could potentially change the vibe (esp. if it’s a lot). But ultimately, it’s your decision. What matters most is that you’re happy. I feel kind of uncomfortable drinking around babies so it wouldn’t be my preferance but I’m probably not going to have an adult only wedding simply because I don’t want to offend people (not a fan of drama)…however, it becomes a budget thing then I would limit the kids because I’m not willing to break my budget for that. (Shows where my priorities are lol). Good luck. Try your best not to have a stressful day. Honestly, your guests shouldn’t even be voicing their frustrations to you because that is rude. Ultimately, it is your day and it should be a celebration. Sorries…smile!

Post # 33
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

If my sibling was getting married, and I had a 7 month old…. Sorry to say but I wouldn’t give a damn.  I would bring the baby anyway if I wasn’t comfortable or couldnt leave them at home. If she asked me why I didn’t listen I would tell her 1) there was no way I was missing your wedding 2) There was no way I could/would leave the baby at home.  I personally would bring a designated sitter with me though, so that this way I would be free to do what I had to do for my sister, and if my baby needed me I would be right there for them too. 

Post # 34
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Stand your gound. I would prefer to have a no kids wedding .. well not exactly. We have two kids (1 & 5), my Fiance has a young sister and I have one aunt who has 7 kids, 4 of which are young. But I am pretty close with them so I cant not have them, obviously as well as my Fiance little sister and OF COURSE my two kiddies will be there. But I wish I could be like .. no other children please. Haha But obviously I cant. I am going to only include adults on the invitations but if they R.S.V.P. that they are bringing the little ones, we will allow it. Otherwise we are complete hypocrites fr allowing the ones we chose and not allowing others.

Post # 35
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@lia22:  I think this is a really fair response

to the OP – I’m in a similar situation, we’re barely managing to keep our headcount at 130 and in a NYC wedding, every head counts… a lot! My wedding isn’t for like a year so who knows who will have babies by then but for now, I’m going to welcome the children of people who are traveling from out of town. I totally get if someone doesn’t want to leave a baby for an entire wkend (in some cases, a week bc they live far away) but for people who live close by, I will expect them to leave their kids at home. It’s one thing when it’s a tent wedding and kids can run around and do whatever but your venue is an art gallery!! It’s not a kid friendly environment! Honestly, I can’t even think of a friend who will WANT to bring their kid to my evening wedding!

 

Good luck!

Post # 36
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t see why people with babies expect such special treatment. Not everyone wants a screaming crying child at their wedding. They paid enough for it, I think they have a right to say no children if they want to. If that doesn’t work for you, don’t attend. 

It just annoys me that people are like ‘oh well a nursing baby can’t be away from it’s mother’ or ‘it’s insensitve to tell people to leave their kids with a sitter’ 

 

If someone doesn’t attend for that reason I say good riddance—they would have turned your wedding into Chuck E. Cheese just to save a little $ on a sitter

 

I’ve been to enough weddings to understand why some people don’t want children at theirs. From the baby screeching and screaming throughout the ceremony to the point that no one could hear the vows-until his mother (a bridesmaid) finally had to hold him—-to the toddler licking icing off of the wedding cake before it had even been cut (parents thought it was adorable) 

Post # 37
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We’re dealing with serious backlash from certain family too but at the end of the day it’s our wedding and we’re paying for it so they can either come or don’t. We are making exceptions for nursing moms (mostly because so many of our close friends have recently had babies) but no small children or kids. Cut offs are breast feeding or over 16. Good luck girl! Stick to your guns!

Post # 38
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@athame1983: “It just annoys me that people are like ‘oh well a nursing baby can’t be away from it’s mother.'”

do you have kids? if not, then you don’t understand that sometimes it is impossible to take a nursing baby away from it’s mother. not all babies take bottles. some actually refuse.  so, if you care about the mother attending, you make an exception for the breastfeeding infant.

and, by the way, not all infants “screech and cry” through ceremonies. one of my very good friends was breastfeeding and thus, invited to bring her child. i didn’t even know the child was at the wedding.

 

Post # 39
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@Spider Mum:  I invite you to reread my comment- I do not doubt that someone may not be able to leave a newborn nursing baby, however it is NOT anyone else’s problem-certainly not the brides. 

Everyone thinks their baby is an angel-but at any time and for any reason a baby who normally would not make a scene may inexplicably go off–people don’t want to gamble their wedding day on it

 

Typical response though–if a child is too young to have self control they shouldn’t be an adult setting such as this. I may not have children (like most women who are not yet married…) but I know bad manners when I see them. My parents NEVER took their children to a wedding until we were old enough to practice self control. If they couldn’t swing a baby sitter for some reason, they didn’t go.

Post # 40
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@athame1983: you specifically said “It just annoys me that people are like ‘oh well a nursing baby can’t be away from it’s mother'” which implies that you do not understand that some cannot be away from their mothers.

when i got married, i also did not have children, but i recognized the need for my friend to bring her breastfeeding infant to the wedding if i wanted her to be there. it’s a choice that every couple needs to make for themselves, but i think that they should understand that, if they do not make the exception for those who have breastfeeding infants, the couple may not be able to attend. 

i agree that entitlement is not appropriate, but, conversely, the bride and groom should understand that if they invite a couple with a breastfeeding infant and do not permit that infant to attend, the couple should be able to decline the invitation without repercussion.   

Post # 41
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@Spider Mum:  first of all, a baby CAN be away from their mother–some babies go into daycare right after they are born, and breastmilk can be pumped. But I can also understand  some mothers not being comfortable with that. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t go without their baby, they’re making a choice not to go if they can’t bring their baby (which they’re entitled to do)

You chose to take a risk and allow your bridesmaid to bring her baby–you weighed your options and made a decision– YOUR wedding YOUR choice. 

I don’t like the attitude of making the couple getting married feel bad for making the decision not to allow children–just because they would rather have an adult only affair.

 

 

Post # 42
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This seems to be theme around the hive.

Not having children at your reception – your choice. Now for the other party not to attend because of your choice – that is their choice. Stick to your guns and ignore the backlash.

But to play a little bit of the other side of the coin. Could you hire a babysitter to work the night & watch the children in a seperate area? I’m even engaged yet, waiting, but when that times come, I will have a babysitter or two if needed for all children, considering I personally have a 2 year old & SO has a 6 year old & all of our close families have young children under 6. I wouldn’t want to have to leave anyone important out because they have children.

Post # 43
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@athame1983: this is the last thing i am going to post in response to you, because i don’t want to threadjack. some breastfed babies do not take bottles, as i said in my post. some do. so, while some babies can take breastmilk in a bottle, others cannot, and those are the ones that cannot be left for the evening, thereby making those parents of that child unable to attend the wedding if an infant is not permitted.

regardless, i agree with you that it is the couple’s choice. i never said differently. i had an adult only evening wedding, and this was the exception that i made for the reasons stated above. if the bride and groom does not want to permit a breastfeeding baby, that’s fine and that is absolutely their choice, but they should not be angry at the parents of the baby for declining the invite.

my issue was never with anyone’s choice to not have babies in attendance at weddings. my issue was with your comment that it annoyed you that people are like ‘oh well a nursing baby can’t be away from it’s mother.'” some can’t.

relax ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 45
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@Spider Mum:  I never said they should be angry for guests turning down the invitation for this reason.

 

I do have a question–so what happens if you are a breastfeeding mother whose baby cannot take to a bottle? Do you need to quit your job and become a stay at home mother? What if they’re a single mother and can’t do this, what are the options?

I’m genuinely curious because up until this point I was unaware that some babies simply cannot be away from their mothers at all.

 

And I am relaxed lol

Post # 46
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@athame1983: no, you didn’t. ๐Ÿ™‚ i think we agree that each party can make his or her own choice.

every situation is different. and hopefully we aren’t talking about a one or a two year old, but rather a younger infant. ๐Ÿ™‚ the situation that i’m thinking of, the baby didn’t wean until she was nine months old, but the mother had the flexibility of working from home and taking the baby to work. i have no idea what someone without that flexibility would do! ๐Ÿ™‚  

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