Post # 1
I’m sure this is a common thing that people ask about, but i want to ask anyway.
I’m not overly keen on having children at my wedding. I feel realativly comfortable with saying that, however I also have a lot of friends with young babies. At last count, it was about 5 new born babies (by the time of the wedding that will be under the age of 8 months, and some of which are from over seas or interstate, so it’s not likely that they will have anyone to look after them) , and I think 9 under the age of 1 year old.
When we last counted, there was about 30 children under the age of 5 years old. So for older children, I think it’s perfectly reasonable, and not uncommen to say no children, however, with new born babies, it is a lot harder, and I feel like I have to say they can come. If there was only one or two, I don’t think it would be such a big deal, but for me, 5 is a lot.
I know this is an unpopular thing for a women to say, but I’m not mad on kids. I don’t hate them, but I’m definitly not the clucky type.
I’m worried that they will start crying on screaming during the middle of our vowels or during speaches, and I guess also for me, I don’t think a wedding is approporate for children.
Anyway, we had sent out save the dates, and had planned on addressing this with a little poem when we sent out the offical invitations. So far, I have had 3 people get in touch about it. One said that they wouldn’t be able to leave their new born away (this one will be the youngest and will likely be about 6 months by the time of the wedding, so I think that’s understandable), one who’s family who has messaged to say that she’s really looking forward to us meeting her new born (interstate) and one who has said that she’s already booked flights for her and her children (international) and I’m not quite sure how to respond
Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I just going to have to deal with it?
Thank you! 🙂 x
Post # 2
It’s tough but personally I would say you can’t really expect people with babies under 1 to leave them with a babysitter for your wedding (maybe some mothers would be comfortable with that but there are a lot who wouldn’t, ESPECIALLY If the wedding isn’t local…) not to mention it’s really hard to leave a baby for any length of time if you’re breast-feeding.
As for international travel, I think again you can’t expect people with children to fly internationally for your wedding and leave their kids behind. I guess it didn’t occur to your friend that her children wouldn’t be invited if she has to buy a plane ticket and fly to another country to see you get married.
Personally I figure it’s like inviting someone’s husband/wife.. if someone has kids and the wedding involves long distance travel, then the kids are part of the package. If it’s a local wedding I think it’s perfectly fair to not invite kids aged 1-18.
So… personally in your situation I would invite all the babies, and as for the other children I would try and come up with some kind of compromise. Like.. only invite your nieces/nephews? Only invite kids to part of the day and help those traveling from afar to find a great on-site babysitter? Have a separate ”kids” room at your wedding reception with babysitters to provide activities for kids?
I do understand some people don’t want their wedding disrupted by kids… but the problem is kids aren’t accessories, they’re part of a family…
Post # 3
I recently went to a wedding where the bride set up a nursery room with a couple of professional babysitters to watch all the babies. The moms could check in on them as often as they pleased, nurse, etc. It worked out great.
Post # 4
Basically if you don’t want babies there that’s totally fine but you have to understand people won’t come. Personally we’ll have a lot of guests with babies too although not quite that young, but fortunately a lot will have local grandparents they can leave the babies with and that’s fine. Some people have to travel with little kids and we can’t include kids so that’s going to be more of a problem.
I think some people make exceptions for nursing mothers? You’d have to understand the kids might act up though.
Post # 5
Do you have a wedding website put together yet? Maybe sending people who are travelling long distances a link to that sooner rather than later and addressing the issue as an FAQ: “Can we bring our lovely babies?? I love you and your offspring, however the ceremony and reception will be adults only. If you have any questions or concerns please contact us!” If the international/travelling guests have to bring young offspring it might be nice to meet them the night/day/couple of days before the wedding to catch up and tell them their babies are cute etc etc (All the things new parents want to hear) if that’s possible. Then on the day of you can hire professional baby minder(s) (vetting through a website that requires background checks is nice when you’re persuading friends to leave their babies in a room with an adult they don’t know) and enjoy a childfree ceremony. Five babies definitely sounds like a lot and I understand your concerns.
Another thing that might help is having a designated area/room/alcove/spot where moms/dads can bring their kids if the kids are fussy during the ceremony/speeches/etc. and letting the moms/dads know about the location of the “Baby Oasis.” Most parents I know are not oblivious to the fact that a whining/crying/fussing baby isn’t a great party guest and they won’t want to interrupt your special moments, so offering them a place to retreat to (and stocking it with some snacks/amenities for harried parents will soothe any ruffled feathers). Obviously this all depends on your venue(s) and whatnot but I think it’s manageable. Don’t feel bad for not wanting jam hands and runny noses all over your wedding!
Post # 6
We decided early on that we DID want to invite kids to our wedding. It’s always been that way in my family but Darling Husband was sure his friends would find sitters. After we made our guest list, we got 6 pregnancy announcments! I literally lost sleep over having 6 babies at my wedding. All I could picture is one would start to cry and then they would all start crying. I just want to let you know, in the end only one came and he was perfectly quiet. None of the kids caused any problems at all. I think about 10 of the 25ish kids we invited came. I lost that sleep for nothing. lol.
I do think it’s tough to not invite kids when people are travelling. If I were you, I would look into providing a kids area and babysitters.
Post # 7
I would tend to give a pass to actually babies (you know the kind that are under 1 and in-arms) at weddings because sometimes they cannot be away from their mothers due to breastfeeding. And it normally isn’t babies that cause trouble, it’s toddlers and older kids. I’m not sure why you were expecting someone to travel internationally and leave their young children behind just for your wedding, that seems unreasonable to me. Especially if they are family. If you knew you had people who would be traveling such distances, maybe you could have contacted them earlier? At least then they could have had a chance to turn down the invitation before booking a flight.
Look, I don’t think you have to suck it up and deal with it. You can feel free to tell everyone that no kids are allowed. Just don’t expect them to come if they have to travel. Personally, I think infants (under 1) should have a pass due to breastfeeding and because you can’t just leave your infant with any stranger but that doesn’t mean you have to. You can tell them no, just don’t expect them to come. I think it is perfectly reasonable to exclude all other kids for an adults-only event. But I’d much rather have 5 babies there than 5 3-4 year olds running around.
You just need to make it clear and please don’t use a stupid poem. You just address the invitations to who is invited only.
As others have said, if you want to allow them to come you could set up kids rooms or sitters (sound like you would need quite a few of them lol) but whether the parents would be comfortable with it probably depends on the ages of the kids. No way in hell I’d leave my baby or toddler with a stranger that I had never met and didn’t know anything about. Older kid sure if I trusted your judgement but not a little one.
I mean, what did you say to these people that talked to you? It sounds like you didn’t address it at all when they called. If you don’t want kids there you really should have told them when they reached out to you. That is usually what people do with adults-only weddings. When people inquire they tell them it is adults-only. Since you didn’t say anything you might be somewhat stuck.
Post # 8
You dont have to invite children, wherever the parents are coming from (but do keep in mind that they also don’t have to come). It’s seems rather presumtuous that your international friend booked a flight for her and her CHILDREN – which makes it sound like there’s more than one and theyre not babies. I’d get in touch asap and let her know it’s an adult only wedding (which is why it helps to have a website where you can put this and is live when you send out STDs). As for the babies, you can certainly tell people they’re not invited, though this is a lot harder than with older children if the babies are breastfeeding – it might make it literally impossible for the mothers to come. In this case, I’d say there is an exception for mothers of breastfeeding infants, and set up a room or area with a babysitter where the babies can stay during the ceremony so as not to be a disruption.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2016 - Estates of Sunnybrook - McLean House
indigobride: A bunch of my relatives overseas have children and they cannot make it due to them starting school in late August. It’s really hard to expect them to not bring their babies, especially for overseas guests….so you have to be prepared that either one representative of the family shows up or none…
Post # 10
Babies under 1- I think it’s wrong to expect parents to leave their infants. Of course ypu can ask them to leave their infants but there’s no right to be I gended a when they decline the invite. I’d <em id=”__mceDel”><em id=”__mceDel”>trust parents to settle their child or step outside if the Child was really restless. parebts in my church manage this every week.
I think it’s a certain type of person who would sit there with a screaming baby- and that’s not an infant problem it’s a rude person problem.
Post # 11
We just attended a family wedding, when my grandchildren were 2.5 months and 7 months old. They stayed home with babysitters. There’s no way their parents would have taken them to an event, where the last course was served at 9:45 PM. Also, the live band was so loud, that even with earplugs, I thought my brain was going to explode; I’d never expose a child to that.
Post # 12
indigobride: its super tricky when you have babies under 1, and in that case, i would have to say to give them a pass as they might be nursing and when breastfeeding, you feed on demand. some babies won’t take a bottle!
for older kids, it should made clear that this is a no kids invited wedding, whether by putting it on the invite or spreading it by WOM. since your friend was not aware of the no kids, i would suggest maybe hiring a sitter for the night and having a designated room where the kiddies can stay
Post # 13
Where I work, women typically come back to work within 3 months of birth. It is not like most people don’t leave kids at home. Many women who breast feed express milk. We have lacation rooms at work I do not think bride/grooms should be obligated to invite kids or babies, just to clearly communicate and be fair. In My Humble Opinion, it is fair to allow family kids (whom grandma and aunties will also help watch) vs. kids of friends, the important thing to me is the Bride/Groom and both mothers should all be on the same page and communicate clearly and early in the process.
Post # 14
If you want no children there, I think it’s reasonable. What I think is unreasonable is for people to think that just because a baby is under a certain age, that they should get a free pass for just for “being a baby”. Maybe they won’t act up, but they CAN cry. I also would think it to be extremely unfair to let someone who is breastfeeding get a free pass to bring a baby/child and someone who isn’t to not get the same pass (so many stress on that young babies can’t be left… um there are many who solely breastfeed until the child is at least 2, and would feel the same.. and that age is the WORST! I have worked will all age groups [6 weeks old to 18 years].
Just expect that people will say they can’t leave their baby and that they won’t attend. But bottom line, no I don’t think it is unreasonable to say someone can’t bring their baby. After all, are these people allowed to bring their baby to work? No. So this shouldn’t be any different.
I guess I just feel that once an exception is made for one, everyone else would expect the same (such as, mom A breastfeeds and also has a 2 year old, so she feels if they are bringing the baby, the 2 year old should come too [and she could be breastfeeding the 2 year old as well… some people breastfeed up to age 6!]. Mom b usually uses cousin A to babysit, as in their sole babysitter. Except cousin A is coming to wedding… now mom b has no babysitter, isn’t comforable with a stranger, and feels the need for an exception since the babysitter is going to the wedding [that is actually more common than people think, depending the people in question.]
This is just me, but I plan on it being an all or none thing. If someone can’t come for whatever reason, that is their choice. Another example, nonchild related, but is still the same thing. A friend of mine has severe problems with gluten. As in, she can’t go to certain restaurants just because she doesn’t know their content. Meaning, that if I were to take this into consideration, I’d have to get a list from her of what catering is acceptable. See my point? It’s not that I’m disregarding her needs or feelings, but at the end of the day, guests have to make a choice of whether or not to attend, the even they are attending (unless they are a guest of honor) shouldn’t cater to them.
Post # 15
Bottom line – Infants, Babies and Children have no place at a wedding. This is an adult party for an adult occasion. This isnt a sweet 16 or baptism. I think it is more rude of the guest to assume that the babies are invited.
If parents refuse to leave their children then they dont accept the invite. No hard feelings. I think it is really crazy that people expect other people to adjust and go out of their way to accomodate them because they chose to have children. You have a life to live and a vision for your day. You dont need to be worrying about someone’s screaming child ruining your ceremony or first dance.