(Closed) Babies at weddings

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should babies and little kids be allowed at a fancy wedding.
    Yes : (36 votes)
    38 %
    NO : (60 votes)
    63 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    we’re not allowing anyone under 16.  suprisingly, ive had no issues.  most parents enjoy a night away.  but expect some backlash.  some people will bevery offended that their children are not welcome.

    you could arrange babysitting or reserve a room upstairs at the hotel for all the adults to drop off the kids…then they could pop in to check on them throughout the night.l

    but once you make a decision, draw a line in the sand. if you allow some kids, you will have to allow them all.  also, do you plan to have ring bearers and flower girls?  family will ask, why are such and such kids allowed and mine arent?

    its your wedding, if you dont want kids there, dont allow anyone to push you into it.  you’ll just be irritated every time you hear one cry (and believe me, there will be crying and there will be kids running around, possible sticking a gross, booger covered finger in your cake)

    Post # 4
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I think "no kids" makes most sense if the wedding you are having is small and intimate.  But I think any more than 50 or so guests, and there’s no reason to not invite children.  Babies don’t cry all the time, and hopefully your family/friends will know to escort the babies out.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I agree with ThePinkSuperHero {hilarious name, btw} in that babies and kids don’t always act up. They don’t cry 24/7 and most kids know how to behave. It’s your choice though, but don’t be shocked if people don’t come because they don’t want to leave their young baby at home. I have no issue with it, but many people do.

    On the flip side, our daughter was invited to a wedding in the Fall where she would have been the only other kid besides nieces/nephews of the b&g and I turned them down. LOL It’s going to be quite the par-tay, so I want to be able to enjoy myself and I can’t really do that if I have her with me. She’s fun and easy, but still my responsibility if she’s there. I’m such a bad mama.

    Post # 6
    Member
    820 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I feel like babies under a certain age are okay because they won’t be running around and creating chaos. The assumption is that the parents would take them out of the room if they start screaming. We aren’t inviting any kids to our wedding with the exception of our neices and nephew (3, 5, and 8) who are in the Wedding Party, and my first cousins (11 and 15). However I have told our friends who have young babies that if they have to bring them, we’re okay with babies… they aren’t a "meal" and they won’t be running around behaving poorly. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    You can do several things- ban the children, allow the children or provide a babysitter for them at the venue. 

    My fiance is a pediatrician and I am a nurse- so we don’t mind the noises kids make. We did however have one friend whose 3 year old child we KNOW loves to scream. So we flat out did not invite that family. (I know you guys will hate me for it but we didn’t think it was right to say- "you can come but not your kids- but hey you know our other friends who are coming? They ARE bringing their kids!") 

    The age range we have is: 9 month old, 2 two year-olds, a four year old, a five yr old & a six and seven yr old. I don’t think the parents would mind tending to their own kids. As a matter of fact I think because we are having a destination wedding there would be an increased anxiety for one parent to leave the kids with a babysitting service just to leave the kids….

    So we considered having a sitter COME to the wedding venue during the reception and entertain the kids. So they get to see mom and dad but they also will be around.

    Maybe you can find some teenagers to babysit and entertain the kids? I did some research and found some nifty lil activities kids can do while at the wedding that won’t necessarily cause grief. and the parents can still take the time to check in on their young ones. The service I found brings ceramics, coloring, twister, scavenger hunts, board games etc to keep the kids occupied.

    But I agree, some babies are so angelic and you won’t even notice them. For the nine month old we are bringing a portable playpen so the mom can let the baby rest. And there is a bridal room I was going to let the mom go to if she needed to take time for the kiddo.

    I think it will work out. Having babies around- the parents read their child’s needs pretty well and will excuse themselves if necessary. And if the parents feel uncomfortable doing that to you or taking the baby maybe they won’t attend the wedding or will send their spouse and leave one parent home with the baby….  

    Post # 8
    Member
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    After having been a mom for all in maybe five minutes..I realized that babies cry.  And babies cry loud.

    That being said, anybody who is a good parent will not allow their child to disrupt a ceremony for more than it takes to walk them out of the sanctuary or venue.

    I myself have done that for my own son.  As for if they’d just invited me and not my child, I probably wouldn’t have attended a wedding at all.

    Children also make some joyous outbursts at weddings and can bring a smile to many faces.  Trust in the fact that hopefully your relatives also realize what I learned after immediately becoming a mom and that they will choose to be responsible parents and watch their children at your wedding.

    <address>My neice was a baby when I married my xh.  There were in fact THREE kids under the age of 2 and countless kids at the wedding.  None disrupted anything.  And they were so cute on the dance floor the (can’t get the damn italics to turn off..sorry) with the ones who were able to walk.</address>

    Post # 9
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009 - Red Fish Grill

    We’ll have about 10 children at our wedding (ages 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10).  Eight of them are in the wedding party (all neices and cousins).  The others are children of dear friends from across country who simply wouldn’t be able to make the trip without them.

    Due to space limitations at our venue, we could not invite the children of other friends.  With about 75% of our guests from out of town, a couple of folks have already declined and a few others will be coming without their wives (who are staying home to care for the kids).

    Were it not for that, though, I’d say "the more, the merrier!"  Smarty and I LOVE kids and we’re treating our wedding as a fun and joyous celebration.  (Heck, kids outnumber adults in our wedding party 2:1, and that’s including me and FI!)  We know that little ones don’t always behave, and we’re cool with that.  For the most part, though, they tend to act better than some adults I know!  Short of one of them puking all over my dress or maybe knocking the cake over, there’s little that any one of them can do to ruin the day.  I’m getting married, afterall!  :o)

    It’s really your call, though.  You know the little ones in question and what they’re capable of.  Your family should respect whatever decision you make.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m with you Craftypants!

    I’m much more tolerant of a little one whose tummy might not feel too well after downing four cups of fruit punch and two slices of cake vs. a drunken uncle who had eight beers then danced like Tony from Saturday Night Fever on the dancefloor … 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2144 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Personally, I definitely want the little ones at me wedding. They are my family too and I can’t imagine them not being part of this (to be fair, it’s not a large wedding and none of my friends have kids so all the kids are family at my wedding). I love kids and I don’t mind their cries, and I am more than used to having a ton of them running around cramped spaces like during all of our holiday gatherings. If the flower girls don’t walk down the isle nicely (they’re only 2!) I just feel like it will make the day even more memorable and give everyone a good laugh. I definitely understand that some weddings really just don’t call for kids though. It’s a personal choice and I don’t think one way is right and the other wrong. Some parents may not be able to go though if their kids aren’t able to either. As someone else mentioned, you could always have a kids only table and hire a babysitter or two for the night! We aren’t having a kids only table, but I am being sure to sit them all close to each other and have activities on the table for them to do to keep them occupied because a sit down dinner just isn’t that interesting for kids :p

    Post # 12
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If you aren’t comfortable allowing children, I don’t think you need to!  Would they bring their kids to a $100 a plate charity dinner?  NO!  If it’s a special and fancy occasion, I think you should make it clear that the goobers are not invited.  But as stated above, the rule has to apply to everyone.  Also, I think that if you say no kids you should provide a babysitting room w/sitter to accomodate your guests.  Explain to the mom that you have planned a very fancy occasion, and you have chosen not to invite children.  I don’t think she’ll be too disappointed.  And if she throws a fit and doesn’t attend just because her kids (who could give a $hit about it, really) aren’t invited, then I say good riddance!

    Post # 13
    Member
    440 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I’m all for having kids at weddings… that said it’s your day and your decision to invite or not invite someone. Be prepared for the parents to decline the invite if they don’t want to leave their kids home or can’t make alternate arrangements for them – especially if they’re travelling to your wedding. When sending invites, be clear to address it to Mr. & Mrs. only and be have a well thought out response for dealing with questions (telling a parent you think their kid will "ruin" your wedding might not go over so well!)

    Post # 14
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I felt pretty strongly against the idea of having kids at the wedding. We will have my nephew and my FH’s nephews and niece in the wedding party but are not inviting any other children.  With our save-the-dates, we included information about the "no children policy" in order to give our guests plenty of time to make alternate arrangements.  Unfortunately, if you invite some kids (with the exception of those in the wedding party) you have to invite all…that would have meant 30+ on my side, 5+ on my FH’s side, plus about 50+ for our friends.  That’s more kids than adult guests!  The most important thing is making a decision and sticking to it–and be understanding when some invitees decide not to come because of this decision. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    14 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I’m having an intimate island wedding, and we said absolutely no kids, no way. I love kids, but I don’t want to hear them at the wedding, and I want to have fun with the adults. We want a fun celebration where everyone is relaxed, not watching and worrying about the little ones. Plus, kids kinda kill the romance, and we want super romance for everyone. And it may be rude, but I don’t want the baby cry in the background of the wedding video. Our reception back home for 150 is adult only as well. I feel like, all my friends got to have their weddings without kids, and I should be able to as well. And my Fiance and I had a talk months ago, where we decided if someone doesn’t want to come because their little one can’t come, then so be it. We feel we could get a babysitter for one night, so they should be able to as well. We just want an intimate romantic environment.

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