(Closed) Having or trying for babies immediately after wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I totally understand your concerns. Our situation is quite different. I am 33 yrs old and he is 25 yrs old. I have two boys from a previous marriage and they are in a great self-sufficient age. By self-suffient I mean there are no more late night visitors in our bed, they can heat things up in the microwave and our parents have absolutely no problem taking them for the weekend because they are no trouble ecept when they fight with each other. Fiance has basically helped me raise my youngest son so we are definitely enjoying our time alone when we have it right now. We have not decided yet if we want to have a child of our own or not. We would like to be able to spend a few years as a married couple and just enjoy our time together. Which is great, but we’ll be married next year, I’ll turn 34 shortly after and then my biological clock will be ticking.

Btw, I don’t think it is selfish to want to enjoy your husband. I will tell you this, after you have a baby things are going to change and they will change for the next 20 years at least. Yes, we love having a weekend or in the summertime sometimes weeks alone, but it typically does not allow for travel unless it is with them. I even scheduled my wedding around their spring break so my mom could watch them. I would not trade my babies for the world! Just be aware if what you want is to travel and stuff like that, imo its best to some of it before you have children. That way you don’t feel like you missed out on it.  

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Since we plan on starting in June 2010 to try to get pregnant (not by choice, my uterus has decided it’s going to go bezerk and the doc recommended it), it’s a love-hate relationship. He’s ready, but he’s also older than me (he’ll be 27) and has a lot more life experience (he’s in the military, been deployed, etc) and I’ll be 24. Eeek, right? I’ve told him i’m concerned i won’t be elated when it does happen b/c i’m concerned about US and our married lif and that we won’t get the two years together that we originally wanted to travel and be together before we add a baby to the mix. It’s what we wanted, but life throws you curveballs. So we’ve talked about how we’ll try to keep our relationship on top of the baby. We must take it to his mom’s for date nights, etc, so we’re going to try to make ourselves do that sort of stuff b/c it’s good for us in the long run.

It’s been really hard coming to grips with the reality of being forced to have children before I want them. I know he’s excited, though, so hopefully that helps and maybe in a year i’ll be more settled in my own life and it will feel more right. He knows I don’t want to miss out on my mid-20’s b/c we had kids, then turn around and go “wow….where’d my life go?” I know it’s ok to feel that way, but I also know that life does not always go accordingly to plan.

Post # 5
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We are torn as well. He’ll be 40 in December and I’ll be 33 in December. So kind of want to start trying right away because of our ages and because we both really want kids. We also kind of want to wait because I won’t be finished with school for another year or so, and we’d like to do a little traveling, and be a little selfish and enjoy us time. So we are thinking about waiting a year but it’s something we keep talking about so we may change our minds.

Post # 6
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 1010

I’m torn because I have really starting thinking seriously about having kids right after the wedding. I’m 26, but my Fiance and I will have been together for almost 9 years by the time we get married and we both feel like its the right time. It’s hard though because I know that eventhough we’ve been together for so long, married us will be different and we may want to enjoy the after glow of it all before we bring kids into the mix. I don’t know what will happen, but it’s definitly something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. 

Post # 8
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think it is kind of hard NOT to get baby fever and want to take the next step. Especially when you have found this wonderful man and you just want to continue to grow together. Our neighbors just had a baby this past weekend and we noticed the sign when we got back from the river. We went to congratulate them and Fiance says, “Don’t go getting baby fever now” but he smiled that playful smile which makes me wonder…maybe he was telling himself. LOL I know for me, being that I already had kids, the thought of another baby again is pretty exciting, but I also remember the colic, the ear infections, potty training, etc. LOL

Post # 9
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We are trying right away!  I’m 37 and he’s 40!  So … time is not on my side!  But really … I feel like we’ve been together for 18 months and have been living together for 12 months and have had a lot of “living” in that year!  So I don’t feel like I”m missing out on anything by having babies right away!

Post # 10
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are trying right away as well. 

My Fiance is deployed now and may be deployed again in 2011.  He is 35, I’m – oh my will be 30 by the time I’m married.  He has said he doesn’t want any children once he reaches 40 and I said no more for me by 34, so we’re good there. 

I also have a 8 year old that he has helped me raise the last couple years. Sometimes I feel bad b/c I really don’t want to start all over with raising an infant, but realize it won’t be like my previous relationship; he is more than willing to step in and help out.

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think the thing that makes me want to wait most is my brothers marriage. They’ve been married for almost 6 years and the last few have been very rocky. In one year, they bought a house in June, got married in September, my SIL’s mother died in November, our mother died in December, and in March they found they were expecting (they were trying). Then in August, my brother graduated college. So they had one hell of a first year. So part of me thinks they should have taken a year to relax after that crazy, emotional year. And now that they have two toddlers and finances are tight these days (whose aren’t?), things are pretty stressful in their marriage. I don’t want that to happen to us.

But….I really really want a baby!

See? Torn.

Post # 12
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m 33 and he’s 31, so we will be starting TTC pretty quickly after we get married. And in case you don’t know (I didn’t either) TTC=trying to concieve.

Post # 13
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

This one is kind of tough..good post!  The Fiance and I are 4 years apart in age…he’ll be 29 when we get married and I’ll alllllmost be 25.  Thankfully, he isn’t ready to start having kids, but I know he (and I as well) wants to have kids while he’s still young.  So, I feel as though there is a bit of a time crunch on me eventually.  I am just now starting a Ph.D. program that lasts about 5 years…and I can’t imagine becoming pregnant and having children while in the midst of it…I know I would end up not finishing the program if so…or else it would be verrrrry difficult.  I haven’t had a chance to actually do something with myself career-wise yet, and he knows I am not willing to give that up at the moment!  So, I know that once I finish there might be a “hurry it up” mentality…but I’m hoping that I’ll have it figured out when the time comes…

Post # 14
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m a young’n, but figured I’d post too!

Background: Fiance will be coming up on 25 and I will be 22 by our wedding date.

I’m sort of glad that we found each other young and know we want to be together, so that we can go through our 20’s together sans kids. I’m thinking we will have atleast 5 or more years just the two of us in married life which I am ready for! I think I would be sad if we didn’t have atleast a few years of us only. Luckly both of our parents are very happy we want to wait a long time before kids!

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Babies are stressful, it’s ok to admit that! They poop, they scream, they wreak havoc…

I really think waiting tables for 4 years at a Ruby Tuesdays scarred me though. I had children throw food at me to get my attention, put cottage cheese on the window to doodle, spit food at their parents, demand things, etc. I met more mean children whose parents raised them poorly than I did well mannered children who said please and thank you (and i always told those parents i appreciated it! it means a lot to hear it from a stranger i think, ha!). I know it’s the parents being bad and that area i waited tables in is notorious for tourists and white trash, but man….it was awful!

My parents waited 2 years before they decided to have me and they always say it was the greatest thing ever. Mom was 27 when she had me and dad was 32.

@Katiebug, I, too, am starting a graduate education program (my MSE and my MBA, eek) and it’ll take me 3 years to finish. If you do the math, that means newborn while i’m studying, lol. I’ve made my husband swear up and down he won’t complain about picking up the “slack”. He will NOT be one of those dads that is all “oh we have to have them now! now now now!” then leaves me to do all the hard work. Sorry, babies are a two-way street buddy! I grew up in a very “traditional” household where the man brings home the bacon and the lady raises the babies.

Post # 16
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

As a person who got pregnant two months after her wedding, I say WAIT! 🙂 It’s hard! It’s also not for the reasons you might think. Being pregnant is great and it basically gives you an extra long honeymoon period from “real married life.” People were always bringing us dinner, buying us gifts {first grandkid on both sides and I’m an only child}. Everybody was overly happy and involved…then we had the baby and we were left on our own to figure it out. It was great, but we were also figuring out being married too and had we not reallllly liked each other and the baby…we wouldn’t have made it. LOL Nobody should be getting a sitter for their first anniversary. 🙂

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