Babies make me anxious

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

brokeandinlove92 :  Adoption sounds like a great option for you.

Post # 4
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

Me me me! You sound exactly like me and we’re planning to adopt if my Fiance and I ever want kids. And by adopt I mean adopt a toddler, at least 2-3 years old. Neither of us are at all interested in anything to do with babies. I am deathly afraid of pregnancy and birth, not to mention the baby stuff afterwards sounds like torture. I hate holding babies. I haven’t yet held my nephew who was born 6 months ago. The idea of changing diapers and feeding and constant messes sounds so exhausting. Call me selfish but I’m just not interested.

I’m having kids at my wedding but they will mostly be over 2 years old (one will be a baby in arms, 6 months old) and my wedding in in a giant park where I hope they will all vacate to during the reception. You’re definitely normal! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

How is having a toddler (or really a child of any age) any less messy or loud than an infant?  You have to change them, feed them, clean up gross messes, deal with crying, whining, screaming, and all sorts of other stuff. I get being nervous about it, but that is real life as a parent. It’s not for everyone. Maybe it’s not for you.

Post # 6
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

pickles325 :  Toddlers are demanding, but babies are way harder. Toddlers cry, but generally babies cry longer, partly because as the mum it wasn’t clear what the problem was. Is it wind, is she hungry, is her bottom sore? At least with a toddler it won’t be wind (usually), and you can deal with the problem pretty quickly. Yes toddlers can be whiney and demanding, but at least they interact and communicate with you. It’s also much easier to get a toddler babysat. Especially if you’re breastfeeding, that can be close to impossible.

At least in my experience, parenting gets easier as the child gets older (at least until they hit the teenage years).

Post # 7
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

pickles325 :  I think what the above posters are saying is in the infant phase, there is an insane amount of mess, and lots of sleepless nights.  Sure you get messes and crying and whining at any age however as infants, there is MORE mess and MORE crying and MORE sleepless nights.  I am in the exact same boat as the above posters — birth and pregnancy gross me out, but I feel like I would be a great mom.  I love my niece.  I love being a teacher.  I feel like adoption is a great alternative for the OP.  Plus older children often aren’t adopted as readily as babies, so if someone is looking for an older child all the better.

Post # 8
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

Yes, me – I was very uneasy around babies, had no idea what to do with them. When people say that it’s different qhen it’s your own – yes, it is. You are still scared and don’t know what to do, but some practice does wonders.

Post # 9
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I felt super uncomfortable around other people’s babies, but I love love love my baby and I actually feel really sad sometimes that’s she’s growing so quickly.  I still am not super comfortable around other people’s babies though. 

Post # 10
Member
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I strongly disagree about more mess as infants vs toddlers, but the sleepless nights decrease. I never had a problem getting a babysitter when I was breastfeeding. It is, indeed, different when they are your own.

Pregnancy and babies aren’t for everyone and that’s okay! There are so many young children who need homes–it is wonderful that you are considering providing a loving home for a child (or children). I wish more people would do it. It’s a great thing. 

Post # 11
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I ca relate. I have a soon to be 3 year old and am currently pregnant, but infants also make me somewhat anxious. Before having my first, I really never liked holding or engaging other people’s infants, just a general disinterest. Despite this, I’ve always known that I did want kids. With my own, the infant stage was rough. He had allergies and reflux and we had difficulties breastfeeding but we made It through. Also, I have a niece that is 7 months and my general feelings of disinterest and anxiety with infants flair up every time she’s around. So all that said, it’s a little different with your own and the infant stage is short lived. 

Post # 12
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

I’m similar to you. I haven’t really had enough experience around babies to feel comfortable looking after one. and they just seem so delicate and complex. Some of my friends who have had babies felt like this before doing so, yet said when it is your own you feel much different and things come naturally. I don’t really think it is enough of a reason on its own to adopt, I think that is quite an extreme conclusion…I mean if everyone who was anxious about babies decieded to adopt for that reason alone it wouldn’t quite be right?

Post # 13
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t know if this is a cultural thing, but I’ve noticed some of the previous posts are talking about adopting children in the same way as adopting a pet from a shelter, it doesn’t sit right with me?

Post # 14
Member
9818 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can see where you are coming from and I think I sort of felt this way as well .  Like I just wasn’t around babies so I had no idea what to do with them.  But I actually like the baby phase (mostly) and it’s not very long that they are babies anyway.  Just 1 year.  There are pros/cons to all ages but I actually find it more work to be home with my toddler/preschooler (she is 3) than the baby.  The whining is unreal and they make huge messes!  The baby has more basic needs but I can get that it seems stressful that you don’t know wht they want.  I find it’s different with your own baby though, as you will know them better than anyone so you will have a very good idea what they want or what they are fussing about.

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