(Closed) Babies & "QT"

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@glitter86:  I dont have kids yet, but its so funny and weird that you brought this up.  My Darling Husband and I talked about this the other night and how lucky we are that we are spending at least 3 years of just “US”.  We actually moved in before we got married. I personally think is really up to what you feel comfy about.  I know people that have kids right away and their relationship is just fine.  Kids will ruin your marriage, if you let it happen and if you think thats whats going to happen.  Personally i feel like children make your marriage even more complete. GL and hope everything you decide workds out for you !

Post # 5
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@glitter86:  I dont mind at all:) We didnt wait 3 years. We waited two years to start TTC, but the first year was NTNP, but nothing happened, so now I am about 9 months/cycle and still no baby. 

Post # 6
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We already have a 5 year old so we’ve figured out how to keep the spark. But in the first 6 months or so it is hard because every two hours is about the baby.

That being said, it is still very possible and easy to keep your marriage healthy with children, you just have to make sure you put your focus in the right area. Everything will be about the baby non stop, but you have to remember you two have lives apart from the baby. You have to remember to spend time on eachother as well as taking care of the baby.

The best gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage. Before my premarital councelling I thought kids ALWAYS came before spouses. And while I still believe that to be true in the physical sense (like health food etc) in the emotional sense the spouse needs to come first, it doesn’t mean choosing sides but it does mean you have to be sure to set aside specific mommy daddy time to keep your relationship healthy and happy and in turn helps your kids to be well adjusted and happy kids.

It is possible and it isn’t too difficult, you just have to remember to make time for mommy and daddy time. My daughter knows when my husband and I are in the bedroom talking when he gets off work that it’s grown up time and we will be out to play with her soon. He greets her and talks to her for a bit but after the craziness of greeting and the dogs going all crazy we go to the room for quiet talk time and discuss the day and how everything went. We also go out together like 1-2 times every month or two and have a baby sitter. When we do this we still talk about our daughter but not non stop, it’s adult time at that time and we just enjoy being together and adults. There has to be a line drawn somewhere between kids and romance. Make time for the romance and everything will fall together.

Post # 7
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We also have time together when she’s in bed sleeping, we stay up a few hours watching TV, talking, listening to music, just being together cuddled up on the couch. There is always time, you just have to find it, or make it.

 

Post # 8
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m also worried about this – I met my SO when I was older (31) and therefore we are going to TTC about 6 months after we get married. We both desperately want children but I wish we had more time. I’ll be 34 when we start trying. Ugh.

It makes me feel better that people say it can be done. I know it can, my parents had a very healthy relationship and spent lots of time without us kids (dates once a week, sent us to summer camp, vacations without us) and I just want to make sure we commit to that, because my parents are so happy at 64 and that’s what I want for us as well.

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