- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2012
I’ve been thinking about babies a lot recently. A LOT. For the first time in my life, I’m really thinking about the logistics of having my own, of starting a family with Darling Husband, of being pregnant. We’ve always known we wanted kids someday, but it was always more of a “someday” sort of thing… until now.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that everyone I know is pregnant. Seriously, one out of every five women at our wedding in January was pregnant (and almost all the rest were either under the age of eighteen or over fifty). One of my bridesmaids recently announced that she’s expecting in December. Two of my friends gave birth just last week. I know at least another dozen couples who are expecting this year. So I’ve been surrounded by a LOT of baby talk… and I want to join in. I’m seeing the joy and excitement on my friends’ faces as they show of ultrasound pictures and talk about becoming a mommy or daddy, and it’s something I want to share, too. Part of me really wants to have a baby now.
At the same time, I’m thinking about everything I would have to sacrifice to have a baby. I’d lose my body, my ability to perform with my performing troupe for at least a year (maybe more), all of DH’s and my dreams of traveling the world, our financial and schedule freedom, all the delicious foods and drinks that I enjoy but that I can’t have while pregnant or breastfeeding, all the medications that keep my lungs functioning and my life not miserable… So many things. And I don’t want to give up on those things just yet.
Darling Husband is more ready than I am. If I were to find out tomorrow that I was pregnant, he’d be off doing cartwheels in the street while I sobbed in a corner. He admits that now wouldn’t be the most convenient time for a baby, but he knows we could make it work.
We’ve talked about being mostly done with the baby-making by the time we’re thirty (we’re both 25 right now). We both want to be young enough to be active with our kids, and we want to avoid the possible complications of later pregnancies (especially since my mom went through a ton). Now that we’re approaching that age, I find myself both thrilled beyond reason and more than a little bit terrified.
I know that we’ll put it off for at least another year. My Implanon will be good through mid-June of next year. After that, though… what’s next? I could theoretically be squirting out a mini-me exactly twenty-one months from now.
We’ve decided to have a serious talk about our TTC schedule tonight. Part of me is so excited. Part of me wants to put it off forever.
Anyone else feeling similarly?