Post # 32
Thanks for posting this. I have been adamantly on the “OMG we can’t have a kid now.” Two months ago, I accidentally dislodged my IUD and freaked out. I had this feeling like, “OK, this is how I am going to start having kids.” fortunately, everything was fine and new IUD is in. Now I am a little regretting spending as much for the IUD as we did since maybe we should have kids a little sooner. The whole thing has messed with my head a little. I am glad to hear I am not alone.
Post # 33
@GreenEyedMoon: I’m on the same page as you quite similarly. I almost had a panic attack when I thought I may be pregnant last month. (I do not know why I think that, since with my PCOS & Endo and the whole never getting a period anyway thing, why do I let myself freak out? Yeah I dk either.)
We’re slightly younger than you guys, Darling Husband is 24 and I am 22, but we’re both pretty much in our careers, we outright own our home, we’re married now… so if it were to happen we *could* handle it…..but we don’t really want to yet. We are still stuck in the selfish phase, and I’m okay with that.
I want to sleep in all day sometimes, I want to get up and go out to eat without having to worry about baby sleep schedules and diaper bags and “will it cry the whole time” kind of worries and I want to travel more with Darling Husband. Among many other reasons, of course. A lot of my friends are popping out kids right now and it actually is making my baby fever go away! Haha. Maybe these are just really difficult babies but most of the new moms I know IRL are miserable.
Post # 34
Same here! During the holidays, a few people close to us had babies and/or were pregnant and the baby fever was in full force but quickly faded after the holidays came to an end. We have so many things we need to take care of…I think, Man, it’s hard enough for me to take care of myself: getting ready in the morning, driving to work, making time for meals…if I had to do all of that for myself and another person, I would lose it! So yeah, maybe one day but as of right now, I like doing my own thing, but totally look forward to doing fun kid things when they do come along!
Post # 35
i was going thru exactly this for several months before i got pregnant. i even had a pregnancy scare last christmas and when i was waiting for the test result to show, i immediately went into “please God no”, even though every day that my period was late for that i was like “yes, i would love to be pregnant and have a baby now!”. well it was negative then and i was relieved, but Darling Husband was a little disappointed which made me a little disappointed. 3 months later we had another scare that turned out to be a reality and again i was like “holy shit!”, but within an hour i was like “oh my god, i am pregnant, YAY!” now at 4 months pregnant, my feelings still oscillate! i am banking on being happy about it all the time once the baby is actually here, lol.
Post # 36
Baby talk is still in the “someday” phase for us right now.
While people have been having babies left and right, it never affected me until one of my close friends got pregnant… when I went to visit her, her boyfriend and their baby, got to see what an amazing little family they are and got to hold the baby, I went into SERIOUS baby fever mode. In my craziest moment, I actually contemplated stopping the pill cold turkey and just not telling Boyfriend or Best Friend. As I am an unemployed grad student and he works part time, that would not have been wise.
Soooo… my advice is just try to ignore everyone else’s babies (I know, much easier said than done) and focus on where YOU are as a couple. Good luck lady!
Post # 37
It’s a weird feeling for me to be considering babies when I was ‘never gona get married and never gona have babies’ for so long. I was convinced that it was ‘just a bit of paper and babies are a nightmare’. Now I’m getting married in a few weeks and seriously considering having a child soon after (OMG the thought of more than one TOTALLY freaks me out, so lets just say child, singular). It’s like tug-of-war with my heart strings. My head keeps screaming NO DON’T DO IT, SAVE YOURSELF!! but my heart fizzles and pops at the thought of being in a happy family that my husband and I have built. That I have built. I am almost ready… that ‘instinct’ or whatever you wanna call it, is putting up a very good fight
Post # 38
I look at babies and I feel… nothing. Nothing. I mean, sure they’re cute, and they do funny things, and I try to tell myself that if I had one it would grow up into a real person and be my pal and take care of me when I’m older etc. etc. But really, nothing. It actually makes me really sad. I kept thinking, once I got older, I would catch a little bit of this baby fever everyone speaks of. I don’t want to be the old person second guessing my decision not to have one and planning my own entry into the retirement home. But I can’t seem to get my attitude towards children anywhere past tepid. It makes my parents sad and my in laws sad and me sad but I just cant seem to do it. Thankfully my Fiance is of the same mindset. Which is probably even more sad because we both try to convince each other that we want one and it never seems to work. :/ I think someone forget to put the batteries in the clock entirely 🙁
Post # 39
My Darling Husband caught the baby rabies before me and I’ll be perfectly honest, it took me at least twelve months to even get my head around the thought of having a child! At one point I even told told Darling Husband to “shut the F up” for six months so that I could think about it in peace!
I enventually came to terms with actually having a baby (there was never any question that we wouldn’t have them but for me we needed to get married first), we got married and we got our BFP one week shy of our first anniversary 🙂
Aint nothing weird, wrong or crazy about being in two minds about TTC and having babies, whilst you’re never really ready, you will get to the point when you’re ok with it!
Post # 40
Ugh, yes. I am completely in this place right now. I went from: babies someday, to babies never, to babies someday, to babies soon! My husband likes kids but is definitely not interested in trying anytime soon. But, we are both 31 so this is something we need to seriously think about now. I am both terrified and excited at the idea of a child and starting our family. We’ll see, we are just starting to dip our toes into seriously asking ourselves the questions of if and when we want to start a family (looking at finances, thinking about working arrangements, etc). It doesn’t help that all of my friends and everyone on facebook are having babies right now!
Post # 41
I am so glad I’m not alone in this “fight”! This is a daily battle for me and quite frankly, it is exhausting!!! One day I am ready to TTC in the fall (a timeline we discussed) and the next day I am 100% sure I would be happy being child-free for the rest of my life. It doesn’t help that my Darling Husband feels the same way, so its not like one of us is swaying the other….we’re both just in limbo. It makes me feel like we would be bad parents because it’s not something we want “oh so bad”. Society makes it seem like if it’s something you have to think twice about, you shouldn’t do it at all. And maybe that IS the case, but unfortunately having children isn’t something you can just test out.
We have been married 2 years at the end of June, I am 27 and Darling Husband is 31, we own a home in a great neighbourhood and both have good jobs with good benefits. I swear all of our friends who got married after us, are already parents or are pregnant. We are 100% in a good place to have a baby – except we do want to travel somewhere big first – financials are in order, we’re more than old enough, and my mother is DYING to be a grandmother…but then I go and ride my horse, and think of having to give him up, and feel like having no kids really wouldn’t be that bad if it meant I got to keep horse showing and riding. And then I feel guilty for loving my horse more than I love the idea of expanding our family, but then I think of buying a pony for my future child and get all giddy……and the battle continues…
I wish I could be one of those people who just knew from a young age that all I wanted was to be a mother, no flip flopping necessary.
Post # 42
I still feel awful. I slept so badly last night. Darling Husband assures me that I have a whole year to get used to the idea. I say, “But that’s so soon!” He says, “When I proposed to you a year and a half ago, all you could tell me was how long a time it was!”
Post # 43
@GreenEyedMoon: I hear you. I sway from one feeling to the other. But the feeling of wanting a baby is getting stronger, and I’m sure it will, Do it when you both feel ready – you’ll know
Post # 44
@GreenEyedMoon: Yikes, I don’t think babies are an idea you should “get used to”! If you’re that anxious at the thought of TTC why not shelve the idea for 6 months or so and then see how you feel? Plus, it’s not like in 365 days from now if you still feel anxious at the thought, your DH is going to be like “TOO BAD, GET NEKKID, IMMA MAKE YOU HAVE A BABY!” Just think of the one year time-line as a guideline – there is no reason it can’t change as your lives and priorities change!
I can kind of identify, though. I was feeling more anxious because our time line was such an unknown (we didnt discuss it much and I am such a planner) so we finally sat down and talked about it and decided on this fall. That still feels WAY too early to me with everything I want to get done, but I figure at least now it’s on the table and if we get to September and don’t feel ready yet then we can put it off for 3 or 6 more months and no harm done.
Post # 45
@noopnoop: Yeah, it’s not like he’s going to force me to start TTC next summer. It just still scares the crap out of me.
Post # 46
@GreenEyedMoon: Totally normal 🙂 Babies STILL scare the crap out of me. I have a 7 week old niece- I went to visit my brother & his girlfriend in the hospital the day after she was born and they asked if I wanted to hold her… I was like HELL NO! She doesn’t have head control yet!!! What if it falls off?!?!
Anyway, I absolutely thought that seeing such a cute, precious, teeny tiny baby would make me really want one, but all it did was make me nervous to touch her. I have since held her, because she isn’t as floppy anymore!
I guess it took a lot of thinking and talking, and getting to the bottom of WHY I wasn’t ready for kids. Do I really hate them? Do I just lack patience? Am I just afraid? What am I afraid of?
For me, it came down to realizing that every major decision I’ve made in my life so far, I’ve been able to confidently say “I can handle this on my own if something were to go wrong.” I bought a house I can afford on my own, I have a car I can afford on my own. I can handle all three of our dogs on my own if I need to.
I can’t handle a baby. I don’t know what to do with it. I’m afraid I’ll drop it, forget to feed it, leave it on top of the car (just kidding…) but really, this is the ONE THING I can’t handle alone. It terrifies me. But I trust my Fiance, I love him, and he really wants kids. I want to have HIS kids. I still don’t like other peoples’ children though.