Post # 47
@DaneLady: That reminds me of what someone said to me once. I can’t remember who but it has stuck with me forever. They said don’t have kids unless you’re prepared to be a single mother, because you NEVER know what could happen. It made me really stop and think, and it’s for sure one of the things that holds me back the most. I’m a pretty strong person, but I truly don’t think I could do it on my own.
Post # 48
Hahahahaha! The latter part of your post SO accurately describes me! I see a cute baby or a sweet child and know I want one in the future, but NOT NOW! I am just not ready – I can barely take care of myself correctly (I don’t even really like vegetables!), so how could I take care of a whole little person??? Plus, we really really want to travel, so waiting a few years is ideal for us.
We had out shower this weekend and as we were about to bust into the presents, my stepmom told us the tale of how a broken bow means a baby is on the way. You should have seen our reactions! My hands flew back like I was touching lava, and my fiance got FOCUSED to make sure we got it off without snapping the ribbon hehe. It was hilarious.
Post # 49
@noopnoop: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I hadn’t even thought of that! Oh God, I’m NEVER having kids now. I can’t raise a baby on my own! That is an absolutely terrifying thought.
@sarahbabs: Ha! I had always heard that the number of broken/cut ribbons equaled the number of babies you’d have. It was hilarious at my MOH’s shower last year because she was being extremely careful to only cut a couple, but her little sister who desperately wants to be an aunt kept trying to hand her the scissors.
Post # 50
Sorry I haven’t read the entire thread so forgive me if this has already been brought up.
I’ve sort of been where you are. I’m 30 and pregnant with my first and am super excited, and kinda scared…it’s a huge responsibility. Had this been 5 years ago (your current age), I would have been terrified because I still felt I had so much more to do before hunkering down and having a family. I think it’s totally reasonable to want to do things as a couple and enjoy a child-free life for as long as you want. I wanted to go snowboarding for a few more seasons, I wanted to go on vacations…and you know what? I did those things and it made me feel like…ok I’m ready to take the plunge and not resent the fact that I’d be giving up a lot.
All I’m saying is, do it when you feel the time is right. So you may not have all your babies done and birthed before 30, but I think putting that stress on yourself to get it done by a certain age is adding to your fear. I’ll be honest…I feel a little old to be having my first child…I’ll be 31 when he/she is born, but the timing works for me. You’ll know when you’re ready. Good luck! I’m sure it will work out for the best 🙂
Post # 51
@GreenEyedMoon: Just wanted to say – you guys CAN be single mothers if necessary. No one plans it that way, but you do what you have to at some points in time. If this is at all inspiring, my mother became a single mom when I was 8 and my 2 brothers were 4 and 2. She was in the middle of her Masters degree and hadn’t had a FT job in years. She worked three jobs while finishing her Masters and raising 3 kids. 🙂
Guess what? We’re all good now and I, for one, respect the hell out of her for doing it. She and my step-dad also adopted my youngest sister together several years later, so she is mother of 4 and has since finished her Doctorate. Parents do amazing things when necessary. Even if we don’t feel equipped to fill that role now. I know I don’t, but we CAN if we HAVE to.
Post # 52
Darling Husband just texted me some interesting stuff. He said, “I was thinking a bit more (as well as talking to my brother) and I don’t think it would hurt to wait another couple years, honestly. Make some money, get set up with a house, travel a bit. What do you think?” When I questioned what had changed his mind, he said, “I juse did some math and realized we still aren’t in that big a hurry, plus having some money saved up would be good. Say we have a kid in three years, then two more two years apart, then we’d still only be 31 or 32 for the last. And that’s long from now, far apart, and potentially more kids than we’ll even have. I can deal with early 30s.”
That’s not so scary.
Post # 53
@GreenEyedMoon: Just one small piece of advice – make a list. Seriously. When my husband and I first started talking about TTC we made a list of all the things we wanted to have/wanted to do before we started trying. Most of it was travel for us, but it can be anything. Then just go do it. Step by step, item by item, cross those things off your list. I feel SO much more ready to be a mom now that we have completed our list than I did when we made the list. At this point I can truly say I have no regrets – we did all the things I was afraid of losing. :o)
Post # 54
My whole life from pretty much birth to 16, I was anti-having-children. (I was also anti-relationships/marriage.) Then I met FH, and it was like I did a complete 180. If you would have asked me this about a year ago, I would have told you I was completely gung ho to have a baby (not RIGHT THEN, because I was in the middle of school, but I was definitely on board with TTC 1-1.5 years after getting married).
Aaaaand then the switch flipped again. Mostly brought on by interactions with FH’s young cousins, I believe (he’s staying in his aunt’s house in another city while completing an internship). Ohgod, I cannot stand them 90% of the time. And that TERRIFIES me. Not to mention the OTHER things that could go wrong (having a boy when we 100% want a girl, having a disabled child, just plain realizing afterwards that DO NOT WANT). Call me a horrible person if you want, but yeah. Soooo not ready.
And I know that that’s OK. I’m only 22. And yeah, some days I look at a cute baby & think “OK, I could do that”. And really, screaming babies don’t phase me. It’s when they hit toddler stage that I start seeing red. But then I start thinking about all the things I’d miss out on & go right back to “no way” stance again.
So right now it’s definitely up in the air. : D
Post # 55
Oh man, I felt that way for years! I used to reply to people that I like other peoples babies, but wasn’t in the mood for one of my own. It sounds like you and your Darling Husband have a good handle on this. Timelines for Tare should be rough guidelines for more communication, so if saying you’ll try in a year makes you cry just change it to “we’ll talk again in a year”. We changed our timeline 3 times before actually feeling ready.
I also used to worry about all the things you mentioned in your original post. By the time we were ready, those concerns didn’t bother me as much. I think that’s how you’ll know you’re getting there. Honestly, I’m almost 6 months pregnant now and I have days where I think all those thoughts again (“holy crap, we will never have our regular lives again!” “why did we think we could take care of human life?!”) But those thoughts pass and I remember that our lives will be as full as we want them to be, we don’t have to become stereotypes, and my body will be okay.
Enjoy yourselves now and when you decide to have a child.