Post # 1
hi bees! so my fiance and i plan on trying to have a baby shortly after we get married (within a matter of a couple months). he has a daughter that resides with us 5 days out of the week, including the weekends, so even if we have trips we want to take/things we want to do as a married couple we need to get a sitter regardless, which is most people’s deterrent in having children so soon is not having the ability to pick up and go. but we both are just so excited to have a child together and see no need to wait so long. we will both be 25 almost 26 when we get married, which we think is a good age to still be able to have children young, but not too young. some of my friends understand and are very excited for us. a couple of my friends think another child will be “too much” and they will “never see me” or that i wont be able to leave the house ever. i am wondering if other people have experienced this, have decided the same things we have or decided to wait, and how you dealt with everyone’s opinions! thanks!!
Post # 3
@MrsElliott: I do not have kids yet, planning in the next year – year and a half. But you have to do what’s right for you both. If your friends don’t understand or only see the potential negative, so be it. Don’t let them sway you.
Yes, a baby will change everything. That baby becomes your world. So sure, your friends may be right that you won’t have time for them as much anymore. But this is what happens when you grow up and experience life altering events. You may lose touch with some friends if they are impatient or unwilling to understand. Again, so be it.
Now, on the other hand, if your friendships are a priority, get a game plan together. The first few months will be tough and it’s unlikely that either of you will WANT to go out. But after you get through that, it’s ok to get a sitter for the night and hang out with your buddies. Or you and your husband can switch off, every other week/2 weeks/month (whatever works for you both) you can go out with your friends and he stays home with the little one and vice versa.
A baby changes your life, no doubt about that. But 1 – the joy and love a child brings into your home far exceeds what your friends can provide and 2 – you can still maintain good relationships with your friends as long as you try.
It will be a work in progress! But you’ll figure out a routine! Best of luck to you both!
Post # 4
@JemmaWRX: thanks so much for your reply-that is really the best answer i could get! i have sort of determined that if my friendship is important to my girlfriends than they will come visit my husband and I and are child and wont need me to go “out” with them to see me! and hopefully their somewhat selfish concerns will vanish when they see what a miracle babies are and how happy we are!
but thank you for reassuring me that it is just a normal part of growing up and having a family and if i am the first one of my friends to experience that than that’s fine! and also that it is possible to have family and friends…thank you so much for the encouragement and positive feedback! 🙂
Post # 5
Honestly I never see my friends with babies. They go to sleep at 9:30pm, never go to happy hours or dinners with friends anymore, etc. My friend and I used to travel together a lot and I was excited that now we’re both married. But it’s hard to travel with a baby and they don’t have a lot of extra money now. I think I’m just having a lot of problems coping with the fact that my friend’s life changed completely and I wasn’t ready for it and I don’t fit in there.
Also, she’s breastfeeding for the first year (and not pumping) so that’s an entire year I’ll never see my friend by herself.