Post # 1
Okay you guys, I’m feeling like the worst momma. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong with my son! He is always crying/whining. He’s 2.5 months old and I keep telling myself that next week it’ll be better, or after this next leap he will be happier. He takes forever to eat a bottle (couldn’t breastfeed, so he’s been on a bottle since he was a week old). He eats 3-4 oz in about 1 hour, sometimes more. I feed him based on hunger cues, generally every three hours, so I know he’s hungry. He has torticolis, which is a tightening of his neck muscles, but he’s in physical therapy for it and there hasn’t been an improvement in his eating. He rarely smiles, doesn’t really make noise unless he’s crying, and isn’t interested in toys at all. He can roll from belly to back and lift his head for a while, his eyes will follow objects as well, but that’s all he’s at developmentally. I feel like I don’t know what he needs and I feel awful that I can’t console him sometimes. He’s just never content. I can’t put him down for more than a few minutes before he’s throwing a fit and I don’t ever ever ever EVER have a second to myself. I literally have to shower in 2 minutes because he isn’t content for longer than that. I baby wear him, because sometimes that calms him, but not for long. My husband works insane hours so he isn’t really here to help and I just moved to Europe from America for his job, and know no one. He’s also on hypoallergenic formula, gripe water, and a probiotic to see if it helps his temperament. So far it’s not helping. I’m just so envious of my friends back home with easy babies. I want my son happy and learning and playing. I feel so, so awful that he isn’t happy. And I fear he is falling behind developmentally. I don’t know if there’s anything else I can do, but I’d love suggestions!
Post # 2
You are not the worst mama! You are doing a great job – you just have a tricky baby, and that comes down to luck of the draw.
Also, 2.5 months is so young – your baby is still in the “fourth trimester.” I wouldn’t worry about him not smiling that often or being super social. He is rolling really early (my 4.5 month old still barely rolls belly to back!), so he’s ahead of the game there. All babies hit their milestones at different rates.
As for suggestions, it souds like you are already doing so much, but have you looked into baby chiropracty? I have heard good things from friends who have done that with their babies…it can really improve eating issues/reflux.
Otherwise, just offering you support and solidarity…I also moved to a new city for my husband’s job recently and have no support network here. It can be really isolating with a young baby being home by yourself so often. Are there any local moms groups in your area? There are a few associated with local hospitals that I’ve been trying to go to when I can get my act together…I always feel better and less alone afteward!
Post # 3
Not lifting his head well yet is okay. A lot of babies won’t do this until 3-4 months. Same with rolling over. What does the doctor say about his development? I wouldn’t worry about that yet. My daughter was also very needy… Still is. Be patient with yourself, Mama. Maybe you can get someone to come help you for a couple hours a day so you can shower, clean up, and relax? Just remember, it won’t always be like this. And if YOU are struggling mentally and emotionally, it doesn’t hurt to talk to your doctor.
Post # 4
You are doing great! I would recommend looking for a mom’s group. I don’t know where you live but in Seattle we have a PEPs group that gets parents together with babies all within a month or two of your child. They were so helpful in realizing we weren’t alone in some of these issues.
For the eating – Have you looked into the nipple flow of the bottle? I know my son got mad when he was able to drink faster, but we hadn’t increased the flow.
Post # 5
First, I’m sure you are doing everything right! My son was typically pretty happy at that age, so I can’t really give specific advice, but I have heard that around 2 months is the worst for things like gas/learning to use their GI tract etc (my son had issues with gas at night around 2 months), and I think most times things like colic go until about 3 months. So hopefully you are near the end of this stage anyway!
If you are concerned about his development generally, you should definitely talk to a paediatrician. In Canada, they do a well baby visit at 3 months, do you have one of those booked? Otherwise, is there a public health clinic you visit for vaccinations etc? You may be able to talk to a nurse there and get an idea of whether you should be concerned.
Also, it would probably help you to get support. At my public health clinic they run parent groups (I haven’t done them, but some friends have really liked them, and made good friends), and there may be other parent/baby groups around that you could look into to get out of the house and meet other moms. For example, my city’s public library runs baby laptime programs where you can bring your babies (they have a 0-12 month and a 0-3 years program), see other kids, etc. This type of program might also give you some ideas for activities you can do to help your son’s development (at mine, they do lots of rhymes with body parts etc for the younger babies).
Even with a pretty easy baby and lots of family support, the first few months were really hard for me. My husband was away for weeks at a time for work around 2-4 months and it was just a major adjustment. So you aren’t alone in struggling and feeling like it’s really hard. It is. But hopefully as your hormones regulate (they call the first 3 months the 4th trimester), and you hopefully gain a support network, things will get better. But definitely visit a doctor/nurse to rule out any medical issues that could help make your days more restful! Good luck!
Post # 6
Honestly, he’s so young that I wouldn’t expect to see a lot of personality yet. My daughter was a warm snuggly potato for like the first three months then she got some personality and started to smile and interact.
Just wait it out. Keep offering to interact with him and teach him and one day he’ll surprise you out of no where with a new skill. Right now he’s just adjusting still – give it time.
Post # 7
You are not a bad mom! Like others have said your baby is rolling really early actually. Also I wouldn’t worry about the smiling yet…all babies hit milestones at different times. My baby had tortocollis as well and is formula feed ll bc she had a latching issue. She always eats her bottles fast though honestly. All babies are different but maybe you could check your nipple? Is it a slow, medium, or fast flow? Maybe your baby would prefer a faster flow but if you try it and he spits up I would go back to the slower one. I actually had my baby on a faster nipple at first bc I didnt realize their was a difference but she kept spitting up and I put her on the slow flow and she is 4.5 months and still does well with it and barely spits up now.Also all babies are so different. Some just need to be held more. I found with mine the swing and bouncer were magical! Also noise or music. It usually makes her so content. If your baby isnt content though and needs to be held more it doesnt mean there is anything wrong! He is still super young! My baby was a night owl until she was 3 months and her pediatrican assured me she would grow out of it ans sure enough she did! But before that I couldn’t get her to go to sleep before 11 or midnight. Then at 3 months she magically started going to bed around 9. Sometimes babies will just do what they do! It doesnt mean you are a bad mom! Your little one is so young and still adjusting to everything. Plus you are still in 4th trimester which is so hard! Hang in there and you can always talk to his pediatrican For reassurance. Good luck!!
Post # 8
Thank you all for the responses and support!!
I hope I’m answering all the questions asked-
1) I am DEFINITELY going to look into a chirprator. I’m hoping that will help him!
2) I just looked it up and my husbands unit in the Army has a support network I can contact to get a nurse out to my home to check up on him, and they have a support group for moms as well on Tuesday’s. I’m going to start attending next week for sure
3) he has a slow flow nipple, and we tried a faster flow but he spit up really bad so we went back to slow
I am so grateful for all of your suggestions, I feel like adding these things in will help tremendously. Or at least I’ll be less isolated in the craziness! You ladies are so helpful and encouraging 💗
Post # 9
If you’re like me you’ve probably already spent a fortune on various bottle solutions, but have you tried Comotomo? We switched from the Comotomo slow flow to medium flow nipple when dd was around three months and it definitely helped with her bottle aversion. They also have a fast flow for older babies.
Post # 10
that’s probably the only bottle we haven’t tried! I’ll order some with various nipples to try!
Post # 11
lots of good solutions above. How does he react to a seaddle? Does he like to be snuggled up tight? Might be useful for those fussy times. Otherwise I kinda hate to say it but he’s just going to have to adjust to the fact that you have things to do in life. Put him down and take your shower! He might cry but it won’t kill him. When my husband was away, I just plopped him on the floor or in his own tub. I could poke my head out and talk to him and he was totally okay. Sometimes they just have to deal and they will be okay… he’s little still and needs some more time to adjust… getting into that routine can help (we did it with using the bathroom … so annoying!)
FYI my son had a lip tie, which I hadn’t heard of. It definitely slowed the nursing process and he was so hungry we often had to supplement, especially those first few months. Has that been checked for?
Post # 12
ugh- babies are the worst right? (I’m kidding of course- but only sort of). Those first few months are HARD. You’re doing just fine. A couple of things to add to the great support and advice:
1. Agree with PP on trying different flows/bottles etc. My kids were terrible breastfeeders, and both had gnarly reflux that made them really, really unhappy for the first 2-3 months. Adding to the immature digestive system, it’s a perfect storm of crying/crabbiness. We tried some different sensitive formulas (finally landed on similac sensitive which seemed to be the best for us) coupled with the Dr. Brown Bottles and just gritted through it. We also had some reflux meds for our son- that seemed to help (maybe?)- so might be worth a shot to chat up your pediatrician about that option. Once our kids hit about month 4, they seemed to come out of it. I’d for sure give your pediatrician a jingle to see what their thoughts are also but as long as he’s gaining weight-it might just be a “grow out of it” issue.
2. My oldest baby was way ahead on some milestones, and then literally didn’t walk until he was almost a year and a half (which is pretty late). He had 12 teeth before he was a year old. Our daughter walked before she was a year, and now at just over still only has two teeth. Moral of the story- your baby sounds like he’s doing some things ahead of the curve, and some behind. Again, if your pediatrician isn’t worried about it, don’t you be either. My kids didn’t have ANY interest in toys until they were a little older- and even then, half the time they prefered a piece of tupperware to the fancy rattles and real baby toys.
3. Try some ways to help him self soothe- maybe he would be happier to be swaddled when you put him down, maybe he has reflux and might be happy in a bouncy seat that gives him so head up angle, maybe he wants to vibrate (some of the rock and plays have that setting). I’d try some different things to see what gives you some peace of mind – and of course, at the end of the day (while it breaks our hearts), if you put him down and he’s crying, it’s OK too. I used to put my second baby down in the bathroom on a changing pad (so she couldn’t roll off) and get in the shower. The noise, and the steam used to calm her and she’d watch the water drip down the side of the glass. My son, never wanted to lay flat and would freak out if he couldn’t see me so I’d strap him into the bouncy seat and shower with the door open.
I know it sounds insane, but you kind of have to trial and error to see what does and doesn’t work, and then keep telling yourself that these are phases- and they will pass. Also- cut yourself some slack- he’s only 2.5 mos and you’re still learning too. Join the mom group, take a deep breath- you’re doing great!
Post # 13
You’re not doing anything wrong! DS is a textbook high needs baby and required physical therapy for shoulder dystocia for the first year. We tried an osteopath around 3 months which is a little more gentle than chiro and that helped a bit. I agree with a PP in trying different formula, DS was on hypoallergenic and the first one made him cranky and he refused to eat sometimes and the second he was just fine. I also found that with the powder versions he needed it warm or just wouldn’t eat it. I did a lot of bicycle movements with his legs when he was fussy and that usually worked to settle him. I also tried to shower and prep things for the next day at night when DH could lay with DS rather than during the day – it allowed me to just embrace and hold DS all the time. Luckily for me though the car seat calmed him so if he wouldn’t nap, I’d just pop in it and go – messy hair, pjs and all. One last suggestion is to try cutting out the probiotics, DS was (and still at 15 months) becomes extremely irritable when I feed them to him.
Post # 14
Two suggestions – have you read Happiest Baby on the Block? It really helped me with soothing methods and the various reasons that my son just wasn’t happy. I also highly recommend looking into PURPLE crying. Babies don’t really start getting a personality until a bit later so I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. It’s more about finding methods that work for your individual child and you may have to try many, many things before you find what works. Hang in there, mama!
Post # 15
FWIW my son is 1.5 now. He was not a smiley baby at all. At baby lap sit at the library, he didn’t interact or get happy with the little interactive songs and bouncy games. It was a bit disheartening. He has also been very slow to speak. HOWEVER in the last few weeks he turned really interactive. He loves to give kisses now and has started laughing more than he has in the rest of his life combined. His fifth word is actually “tickle” and he will say “tickle tickle”, try to tickle himself, and basically ask to be tickled. It’s a total 180. I have no idea what inspired it, but it’s really really nice.
There’s no advice here, but just letting you know that sometimes they randomly sort of figure it out. Every kid is on their own curve.