Post # 1
How would you bees handle this.
DS is a month old, we are planning on going to visit Darling Husband father 7 hours away when DS is 2 months old. My Father-In-Law and his Girlfriend are smokers and live in a very TINY 1 bedroom apartment. In the past when we visit we have stayed in a hotel. The last time we visited they really wanted us to stay with them in the apartment, they would give us their bed and they would sleep on the couch/floor but we declined since I was preggo and didn’t want to breath in the smoke.
Now with the baby I REALLY do not want to stay there nor do I even want to hang out there when we visit, but we really have no where else to go. I told Darling Husband they can come to the hotel and hang out with us, but Darling Husband is upset and feels I am being a bit too overprotective. I feel that for a 2 month old to be around that much second hand smoke is not good. Granted they will not smoke near the baby but their apartment still smells and it’s made worse because it’s so super tiny with little ventilzation. Whenever they send gifts and such we have to keep things outside because they reek of smoke.
How do we deal with this situation, Darling Husband really feels like I need to let this go and suck it up for a day. He agrees with us not staying there but he feels that for the 2 days we are visiting that we can hang out at the apartment with them with the baby and I am really against this.
I think the reason why my Darling Husband wants this so much is because his father is the only one in his family that he has a relationship with and he doesn’t want to offend his father or burn and bridges by basically saying we are visiting but we don’t want to hang out at your place.
Post # 3
They smoke in the house!?
No way – I dont have kids but I dont smoke and there is no way I would stay there.. it literally makes me feel ill. I dont even let my dog stay too long at my future BILs house because he smokes inside and I hate my dog coming home smelling like smoke.. it gets in your clothes and hair and everything.
Maybe do one day in their apartment .. and one day plan an outing or something so you aren’t overtly showing that you dont want to spend time in their smoke box.
Post # 4
My husband and I are both alergic to cigarette smoke but we still go visit his dad and girlfriend who both smoke. We just take long breaks outside where we can get fresh air and they only smoke outside when we are there. We stayed with them for 2 days with our son and had no problems. We just made sure to take him outside a lot. If it really means that much to him maybe try it and see how it goes. It won’t be for long and as long as they smoke outside when your child is there then there shouldn’t be that big of a problem. My SIL is a big fenatic about it and she still goes to visit their dad because she told them that if they smoked inside where the kids are she wasn’t coming back. I had to lay down the law with my mom and she actually stopped smoking because of it. Maybe you should look into buying a few of those candles that are supposed to kill the smoke scent and light it a few feet away from the baby when you go over there. Give it a try for your DH’s sake. If you can’t handle it, tell him he needs to have a talk with his dad about the smoking.
Post # 5
I think your husband is being really irresponsible. I can’t even handle being around second hand smoke so subjecting a baby to it is totally unacceptable. My mom smokes and I hate being around her after she’s had a cigarette. When we have kids, I won’t even let her touch them until she gets the stench off of her.
I think your IL’s are a little crazy for expecting you to stay there. No grown adult should have to sleep on the floor. If a hotel is available, it’s the obvious choice.
Post # 6
I never let my kids in enviroments with smoking both my parents smoke they smoked around my brother sister and i when we were infants. I ask them to smoke outside and they have no problem with it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
That situation sounds pretty terrible for an adult, so I really can’t imagine bringing a one month old baby into it. I know your husband doesn’t want to offend his dad, but I feel like this is something that you need to be open and honest about, especially since most people (smokers and non-smokers alike) generally understand the massive health risks associated with smoke/second-hand smoke. It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but I hope that his dad and Girlfriend will be understanding. More than anything, though, the health of your child is more important than not offending his dad, and you need to protect that.
My grandparents were all smokers when I was a baby, and my parents wouldn’t let them smoke anywhere near me. They would have to go up to the street (not simply outside the house) to light up.
Post # 8
I’m not sure if they smoke in the house, everytime we have been there they will smoke outside, but their apartment still reeks so it leads me to believe that they may smoke inside. Not sure though.
We are DEF not staying overnight there, Darling Husband just wants to hang out there durning the day so they can spend time with the baby. I totally get that but Darling Husband feels rude asking them to come hang out with their grandchild in the hotel room.
Post # 9
If you’re just staying during the day, I say suck it up. It doesn’t sound like they’re smoking in front of your baby, and I agree that it’s rude to go visit someone and refuse to enter their house. If they agree to smoke out of the house and you’re not there 24/7, I can’t imagine it’s all that harmful (although definitely annoying, as I also hate the smell of cigarettes).
Post # 10
The lingering smell of smoke isn’t necessarily ‘second-hand’ smoke, so even though it’s irritating, it wouldn’t be that bad to just suck it up for a couple days. I wouldn’t stay there overnight though, and as long as they actually smoke outside or far away from the baby, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
If you want to get away from the house, maybe pick a local park or something and suggest picnics or other little activites to get everyone out for a little bit.
Post # 11
Your baby’s respiratory system is fragie — even the third-hand smoke (the residue on their clothing) can harm his lungs.
Stick to your guns. Google “second-hand smoke” and “third-hand smoke” and “infants” and show the results to your Darling Husband.
Post # 12
I say go for a day. I think it would be rude to ask them to come to the hotel room. Ask them to make sure to smoke out side and maybe see if it is alright to bring one of those candles with you or even if they wouldn’t mind picking up a couple. S’s parents are both smokers but they do not smoke around their grandkids and they do not smoke in the house when they are visiting.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t hang out at their place. The lingering smell of smoke that clings to the curtains, carpets, furniture, etc is third hand smoke, and has been shown to be a danger (the residue left can mix with other elements in the air to release carcinogens) especially to babies and toddlers. At a minimum, you should also ask that they wash their hands before touching the baby if they have been smoking.
Maybe you can find a family friendly place to meet and hang out for the day, so you can spend time with them without asking them to come hang out at a hotel all day?
Post # 14
I do agree with your Darling Husband that it is a bit rude to ask your ILs to come visit you at a hotel.. If it is for just one day- maybe arrange that you all go out for the day- out for lunch, a walk, play in the park with LO.. If you don’t want to broach the subject with them then at least that way you avoid it entirely.
Post # 15
You are completely right in wanting to protect your baby. Good for you! More parents need to be able to protect their little ones from lung damage. Expecially now that his lungs are developing. I think you are wise to try to stay away from their house. Could you maybe spend time with them away from their apartment? Theme parks, zoos, parks, etc are all outdoor places where you can spend time with you Father-In-Law and not offend him about not going to his home.
Post # 16
I’m in the “go out for the day” camp. You just have to be polite about it, and not make a big deal out of their smoking. But I agree with you. I wouldn’t have my baby around all that smoke either. Their little lungs don’t need it!