(Closed) baby at head table? help!!!

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@redshoesbride:  Sweetheart table! She can sit with her baby far away from your table!

Post # 5
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We had a “mostly child free” wedding so I understand your concerns. I think asking her about where the baby was appropriate, but since she doesn’t seem to think that will work, I’m not sure this is a battle worth fighting. 

Honestly, most photographers aren’t taking many pictures during the dinner. People don’t look that great eating. Also, people are chatting, music is playing, glasses are clanking. A fussy child isn’t going to make as much of a disturbance like they would at the ceremony for example. 

 

Post # 6
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@redshoesbride:  A sweetheart table might be the only way to avoid this situation without offending her though. Whats more important? Having them sit with you at the same table or having a stroller and a screaming kid in your pictures/video? Your really only going to be sitting for the dinner portion.. Even during toasts they stand right next to you.. Does the seating really matter?

Post # 7
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@redshoesbride:  Why not have a table with The Bride, Groom, best man & moh? Becasue you are leaving out all other bridesmaids besides the Maid/Matron of Honor, i don’t think anyone can get angry.

 

edit: I don’t think there is a nice way to tell her she can’t sit with her child

Post # 8
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

One word babysitter.  Tell her you’ve thought about it and it just doesn’t seem fair to let her baby be there when you’ve made it known only out of town can bring their kids.

Post # 9
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that the weddings are just as much about family celebrating the couple as it is about the Bride and Groom. When the day gets there, you will be having so much fun that you won’t even  notice the baby. Not worth it to offend the mother. Also, if you are having an evening wedding, there is a good chance the baby will sleep.

Post # 10
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

well there aren’t really going to be any pictures taken of you guys eating dinner – which is the only time you’ll really be seated at the head table, so there’s little to no chance that baby will (god forbid) “ruin” your pics.

The photographer will eat when you do – no one needs pictures of people with their mouth full.

Post # 11
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My bridesmaid had her 3 month old baby at our head table this weekend. It was a blessing that she even was able to have the child so I was dying to see the baby and would never have told them they couldn’t sit with their child. The baby was in her carseat most of the night, and my bridesmaid walked her around sometimes, too. I don’t think the photographer took photos of us at the head table either.

I think it’s silly to think that a baby can ruin your night.

 

Post # 12
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It is true that usually there are virtually NO Pictures taken during Dinner… for a variety of reasons.  Eating pics look awful – Photographers have to eat too (this is typically their “break time in the day”) – And there is a lot of crazy other stuff going on that is distracting overall… Servers running around, lots of noise etc.

However, that said I do get the whole ambiance thing… I wouldn’t want a baby at my Head Table either.

How to tell the Bridesmaid tho without offending at this point in time will be difficult (more so because you’ve already broached this subject… vs just telling her upfront the way things will be)

I think now your options are going to have to change to fit the circumstances.

1- Have a Sweetheart Table just for the 2 of you… nearby but seperate from the Regular Head Table

(I personally find Sweetheart Tables very romantic… the Head Table at my first marriage… was meh… Hubby and I barely spoke to our Attendants, we were too busy chatting to each other, kissing for glass clinking, watching all the things going on in the room around us… and TRYING to eat)

2- Have an ONLY B&G, Bridesmaid or Best Man & Maid/Matron of Honor Table… one on each side of you, let the rest of the gang sit elsewhere.

3- Change the whole concept of WHO gets to sit at your Head Table… Bride & Groom, Best Man & Maid/Matron of Honor, Bride’s Parents, Groom’s Parents

In this scenario, the Bridesmaids & Groomsmen can sit at a seperate table, with their Spouces, Dates, Family etc.

The only other way I could see opening the door on this topic again, would be to say… “I’ve thought about the baby at the Head Table, and it really isn’t going to work for me.  The table will be Attendants Only… so no other family members / Guests … be they Spouces, Plus Ones etc (and that includes babies).  If that isn’t going to work for you, you have to let me know, because it means I have to revamp the sitting plan to something else (one of the 3 options I’ve listed above)”

Hope this helps, and good luck.

EDIT TO ADD – If you do go with “the talk” you should also be prepared for “the walk”.  She might be super offended, and say fine… I’m done !!  Which is WHY I suggested the other 3 options to begin with.

I don’t drama in my life at my age… seen enough of it Thank You Very Much.  So I’d just look at my other options, talk em over with Hubby2B and pick one that works for the two of you.

BONUS – No hurt feelings… no lost friendships

 

Post # 13
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m going to go against the grain here and say, suck it up and let the baby sit at the head table. Ask the venue to provide a proper high-chair so the stroller isn’t in the way.  The baby will make the same amount of noise no matter where it is seated, and having its mom nearby will quite possibly keep it quieter, since she is the baby’s most familiar person.  If the baby screams, the mom is going to get up to go look after it, regardless of where the baby is located, so it’s going to be the exact same impact no matter where the baby sits.  No one takes many photos during dinner; guests don’t want to be photographed with food in their mouths, and your photographer will probably be having his/her meal then too. 

In the grand scheme of things, separating the baby from the mom is going to create far more problems, stress and drama than leaving them together.  It’s a baby; it’s not a wild hyaena or swarm of bees; nothing bad is going to happen having a baby at the table.

Post # 15
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

WTF she is being  ridiculous. Don’t make any concessions for her. There no reason why a 9 month old baby should be at the head table. Either she sits with him somewhere else, or he sits with his Dad or grandparents or other family member.

Post # 16
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@redshoesbride: Is the baby’s dad in the picture? (EDIT OK, I see, he’d be FI’s brother so he’s probably a groomsman). Anyway, I agree, just lay down the law, baby can sit with her grandparents. At 9 months, there is no need for baby to be joined to her mother. If there was no one else to mind baby it might be different.

@littlemisst08:  a 3 month old baby is quite different: they mainly sleep (I see your BM’s baby was on the floor in a car seat, out of view), and are generally breast fed. By 9 months they’re mainly eating solids, as well as sitting up and being active. There’s a lot of difference between a sleeping newborn and an active almost-toddler.

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