Post # 1
This is the first time writing this, but truly looking for honesty from ladies who may have gone through something like this.
My fiance and I purchased a home together last year, and planned on having our wedding in 2021, getting pregnant just before or right after. I’m 30 years old and ready!! (He is too, maybe a bit more nervous about it than I). With COVID, our plans are pushed back to Fall of 2022. We’ve been talking about maybe starting to try to have a family now, and having our first baby celebrate our wedding day with us come 2022. Is this crazy?!
My parents are a bit more old school, would prefer to see a wedding happen first. I’m just so ready for motherhood. Honest opinions or advice from women who’ve had a baby before marriage or can relate to this! Thank you!!!
Post # 2
- Wedding: October 2021 - Boulder, Colorado
It’s 2021 so you should do whatever you think will be best for you! The only thing is that TTC can be unpredictable so it’s possible that you won’t have a baby by 2022. Would you be okay with getting married while pregnant or TTC? Make sure your fiancé is ready before TTC too if he is still nervous. You also have the option of getting legally married now then doing the ceremony later on.
Post # 3
There are a lot of legal advantages to being married with a child. I would say get married before the baby, and then, recognizing the weirdness of Covid, hold a big wedding reception in a year with the baby!
Post # 4
I’d do a small courthouse wedding now/soon, start TTC and then look at the big party after.
Post # 5
I don’t think you’re wrong to have a baby now and get married later. However, if you’d like the security of marriage then I’d just do the legal ceremony and plan for a reeception. I personally wouldn’t have felt comfortable having a baby unmarried, not for religious reasons but for legal and financial reasons, but COVID has changed the landscape of how people build their families so there’s nothing wrong with going for it if you’re ready to be a parent now. I do agree with the PP that you may want to figure out a timeline for when you’d want to stop if it doesn’t happen immediately if you don’t want to be super pregnant for the wedding.
Post # 6
Echoing pps on legally getting married now, try for family, and have a wedding celebration later. I think, with kids in the mix, you want to secure your marriage and assets with each other, in case something bad happens.
Post # 7
Just jumping on the “get married now, celebrate later with a wedding” train. I know this varies couple to couple and different things work for different folks, but I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with having a baby with someone without marriage first. Go ahead and take care of the business end of things, TTC (as another poster pointed out, who knows how long this could take) and celebrate later at a time that’s convenient. Good luck!
Post # 8
I accidentally got pregnant 3 months before our wedding and I tell people all the time I’m happy all our deposits were paid bc no way in hell would I have spent that much on one day with a child. So…not sure what your wedding plans are but you may have a drastic change of heart after your baby comes! I also say d what feels right for you though!!! Covid sucks!!
Post # 9
I agree with everyone who said get legally married now and have a wedding celebration later. The celebration may end up getting pushed even further depending on when you get pregnant. I couldn’t imagine planning a wedding while either heavily pregnant or with a newborn.
Post # 10
If you’re employed and plan to continue to work, honestly, I’d just go for it. Does marriage come with benefits? Absolutely! But in terms of babies…not so much. If you plan to stay home, then definitely get married first so that you’re entitled to alimony should things ever go south, since you took a direct hit to care for the family. If you plan to keep working though, it’s much less of a big deal…child support is owed to the child, not the mother, so it’s not like marriage status matters there. It can matter for insurance purposes, depending on that situation. It shouldn’t impact his paternity leave, since again, it’s for the child.
There’s nothing wrong with opting to get married first, but if you want to wait until late 2022, and your personal circumstances allow it, go for it! Screw what more traditional family members think. We got married because we knew we’d start trying for kids not long after, and while I obviously like being married, I now wonder why I had such strong opinions on not having kids first.
Post # 11
Why not just elope? My now-husband and I started ttc before we were married, but then we got married before our baby was born. Like someone else said, there are a lot of legal advantages to being married when you have kids…. you can write up wills and power-of-attorneys and stuff yourself if you’re not married, but getting married makes it all automatic.
Post # 12
Do you have a cohabitation agreement for the house? Health care proxy? A will?
If you don’t have those things, just get married. If your relationship goes south, one of you has a health emergency or an emergency while traveling, you’re up a creek. Spouses have rights that unmarried couples don’t.
Paying an attorney to draw up all of the necessary documents to give you the right to act in each other’s stead for important issues would cost a lot more than a marriage license.
Post # 13
Agree that it makes most sense to get married then have a celebration after COVID.
That said, my parents had me before they were married and then really only got married for immigration reasons, and they just celebrated their 37th anniversary.
Post # 14
Get legally married now, TTC, have the ceremony later…but also you are young, you can wait till 2023
Post # 15
Get legally married now. Have the baby when you want. Plan the wedding celebrations at your leisure.
There are many, many reasons to be legally married before TTC. Health insurance. Paternity. Inheritance.