Baby before marriage?! Good idea or not. COVID pushed our plans back

posted 2 weeks ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@jbirdy005:  Not me but a friend did this, she bought a house and had a baby then saved for their wedding and got married. Her baby was around a year old at the wedding, so cute in the ceremony, and she said doing things in that order was fantastic motivation to get her figure back! 😂 However she didn’t set her wedding date until they’d conceived (it took her over a year), and she was lucky not to have any pregnancy complications or postpartum struggles. 

One thing she did mention is that the wedding seemed a bit of a waste of money by the time it came around. It was something they both wanted and enjoyed, but in retrospect they kind of wished they’d eloped and used the wedding money for a down-payment on a bigger house or a college fund. So financial priorities shifting after children seems to be a common theme… personally I think spending tens of thousands on a wedding is crazy so I say have your baby now and who cares if priorities shift!

Post # 32
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

You are in a common law marriage. Have a baby! We are common law too and have an 8 year old son.

Luckily for us Canadians, we don’t have to worry about a lack of legal protection if we aren’t married. 

Post # 33
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not Canadian so cannot comment on the protection etc. But I can think of only 2 people that were married first within my age group (I’m 30) so I don’t see too much of a problem cause it is the norm. In here marriage does mean you don’t have to do as much paperwork, but you can work around these.

Post # 34
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

18 years from now when your son/daughter asks you why you didn’t get married before they were born what will you tell them? 

Post # 36
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

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@Mary Ellen1: Would a child even care? When I was a teen, I found out my grandparents got legally married after my mom was born. They were together for 50+ years (until my grandma passed). The wedding date literally doesn’t matter at all. 

Post # 37
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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@Mary Ellen1:  also, anywhere from 33-50% of marriages end so let’s not pretend that marriage is a huge safeguard against a “happy home”…

Post # 38
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee

It’s a really personal decision! If you’re rock solid in your relationship and both completely on the same page about the timeline for when you’ll get married, then I’d say there’s no harm in TTC now.

If it were me, I would want to be married before TTC just for the protection it offers. I’d go to the court house now and have a low key wedding to make everything official, and then do a bigger wedding and/or reception in 2022 with all your loved ones.

But again, totally personal decision and there’s really no right or wrong answer, provided you and your partner are on the same page.

ETA: Just saw pp’s comment about common law marriage. Not sure how that works but if you’re already provided the exact same legal benefits as an actual marriage through common law…then I’d say all the more reason to TTC now and get married later when you can have the wedding you want, assuming you and your partner are both in total agreement on that!

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