(Closed) baby conflict

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Maybe he just needs more time? Not everyone is right on board with having kids, maybe he needs time to emotionally get ready to have a child.

I don’t think you should be pushing this and I def. don’t think you should be sleeping in the other room acting like a spoiled child just because you aren’t getting your way. This isn’t a decision to take lightly, it will affect you both for the REST OF YOUR LIVES and your Darling Husband probably just needs more time to come around to the idea of having a baby, wouldn’t you rather him be ready on his own time then you forcing him in to it and him resenting you and possibly the baby?

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have basically said it all. you are being immature and chilidish regarding this. You dont want to have to force his hand on this. You want him to want it.

And NTNP is pretty much TTC because the outcome can be the same. A kid. And if he is not ready for a kid, whats the point of either?

A couple of weeks deadline sounds like he has been more than fair in compromising. So what are you looking for then? for him to come home tonight and say “to make you happy we can throw out the condoms right now. But just so you know, I dont really want this. I am doing it for you”

Is that really what you want him to say vs. in a couple of weeks or months for him to say “I am ready for us to add to our family and I think this is a good decision. I am excited for this”

Post # 6
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@thenewlynamed You obviously see how you are acting and don’t want to continue to act like this so since you haven’t been awesome wifey this last week and sleeping in another room I think you should make a nice dinner for Darling Husband or have a fun date night to make up for it. Laughing

Remember no Darling Husband will want to think about making a baby when his wife is sleeping in the spare room and making his life harder than it needs to be. He will come around when he is ready, a few weeks is nothing, you’ll have the kid for the rest of your life! Do some things YOU want before you start trying, or things you can’t do while preggo, like eating brie or sushi and drink beer or wine! It will make you happy and time will pass quicker Wink

Post # 8
Member
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You need to put yourself in his shoes, if you didnt want to have kids just yet, would you like him to act like you’re acting?

Think about the baby, would you like him/her to have a father that probably wasnt ready and therefore cannot take care properly of your child?

A baby is not a doll that you can buy or get whenever your want just because, your husban will have to feed him, love him, listen to him cry, and a lot of things both beautiful and not so pretty. Its a huge responsability, i don’t blame him for being nervous.

The baby will come eventually, there’s no need to rush. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am sorry that you’re struggling with this but I think you are being WAY out of line with the way you are behaving. Just saying out loud that you know you are being childish and immature, doesn’t make it ok. Just stop. Everyone comes to this MAJOR life decison in their own time, and you cannot be angry at the fact that because you have decided one day you are ready, that he doesn’t just jump on your baby band wagon. He deserves his own time to come to terms with it. Give him some time, and treating him the way you are is absolutely unacceptable, and will only create resentment and anger. Is that the circumstances under which you want to have a baby together? Pressuring him and acting like a spoiled brat will get you nowhere, back off and let him think about this, his opinion matters too. His feelings matter, his thoughts matter. Try to work on this together and come to an understanding as a couple. Getting pregnant today, or 6 months from now, will not make a difference in the grand scheme of things, UNLESS one of you does it under duress and isn’t ready.

Sorry if this has come across as harsh. I totally understand the frustration you are feeling because I am 31, and when my husband said to me recently “I’m in no hurry” after telling me a few months prior that he was ready when I wasn’t, made me like WHAT THE HELL!? But acting this way, won’t help you, it will only make him shut you out and close down. Show him you love him and care about his feelings and that you are in this together, because you are, isn’t that why we all get married? 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Give him time.  You want him to be on board with such a life-changing decision.   While you wait, you can work on your conflict resolution skills — you will only have more issues once you have children.  You don’t want them to grow up in an environment where their mother is, as you put it, “childish and mean” when she doesn’t get her way.

John Gottman’s books on communication and conflict resolution in marriage are excellent.  Give them a read while you wait. 

Post # 12
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@thenewlynamed:  You admit you were both vague on the kids thing. Now you have changed your mind and he hasn’t, but you expect him to be on the same page when you know how vague he was about it. 

You need to find other ways to get your point across – you say you don’t want to be walked over, but it seems like that’s what you’re doing to him. Sleeping in the spare room and behaving badly until he hopefully gives in, is so not the way to deal with this. It would be different if he really wanted kids, then changed his mind – but that’s not the case. He’s just not ready. You are the one that has changed – not him. He’s felt the same way he’s always felt, and you being suddenly ready, and him not, doesn’t make him wrong. It just makes him not ready yet. And that’s okay – you knew this going into it.

Just give him time without pressure, attitude and mistreatment. It’s not reasonable to expect him to backflip.

Post # 13
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When it comes to having children, the person that isn’t ready trumps the person that is.  You admitted you both have been “vague” about a timeline for this and now all of sudden IT MUST BE RIGHT NOW!?  That’s terribly unfair to him.

You’re trying to justify your behavior by checking off these sacrifices you’re making for him.  The examples you provided are simply what married couples do for one another.  It’s not tit for tat, especially not when it comes to something a serious and life-changing as having children.  He doesn’t owe you a child because you’re letting him build his business… can you understand the disparity between those two things?

You admit you’re being unreasonable, so at least you know.  Now it’s time to STOP actually BEING unreasonable.  Talk about a timeline and agree on something that suits you both.  Rather than tell him “I’m ready now!” try “When do you think you will be ready?” 

But come on!  Give the guy a freaking break!

Post # 14
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nothing you say or do will make him ready. You both need to be ready to have a child.  I was a bit thrown off by the fact you alluded to him not letting you walk all over him as a negative trait to be quite honest and think you should put yourself in his shoes and be a bit more empathic towards him.  Maybe once ou drop the whole baby thing he’ll come around to it on his own time – I know this was the case with me.  Once my Fiance stopped talking about TTC the second we got married, I came around to the idea and now want to do it sooner rather than later.

Post # 15
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@MrsWBS:  +1 to everything and I’m glad I’m not the only one who did a double take at that line about him not letting her walk all over him as him being stubborn.

Seriously though if you’re going to have a child you need to work on how you respond to not getting your way.

I’m glad you’ve taken the first (big!) step of realizing you are being unreasonable.

Good luck with everything.

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