- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Yes, it’s another one of those posts! I’ve name-changed for this. I could really use some advice/perspective. I have been giving my husband the silent treatment a lot this week and I have been a brat. But I am so hurt. I think more than advice, I need perspective. Maybe I’ll even get some perspective by typing this out.
Got married nine months ago. Both of us very vague about babies because both of us genuinely felt vague on the issue, not because we didn’t talk about it. I was a bit consumed with wedding planning and busy with my job. We both said we wanted babies, we just never decied exactly when.
Fast forward to this last few months. We use condoms and always have done really. Then we went on a holiday and forgot to pack some. Without going into too much detail, we only had the withdrawal method and then afterwards…… my AF was really late, I mean waaaaay late, nearly a month. There was an outside chance I was pregnant. Turned out I wasn’t. But I wonder did this incident really get me thinking about the possibility of being pregnant.
Also I guess there’s a lot of comments from others about when am I going to have a baby – female friends, colleagues, family. Like they are geuinely so hoping and so exicted about the prospect of me having a baby. No pressure whatsoever on me; just excitement. It would be the first baby in my (very large) family. I just smile and continue to be vague. But it gets me thinking and it’s starting to beceom geart-breaking becuase I would rather not tell them personal details – that I’m ready but Darling Husband isn’t. That’s personal info and I don’t want their comments “Oh my Darling Husband couldn’t WAIT to have kids. Tell hmi it’s the best thing he’ll ever do!!”
Darling Husband would be mortified if I told people these personal details.
So this has been going on since before Christmas (feels like longer)……basically I want a baby and I want it now. But I know it doesn’t work like that. They can take time. I also know it’s unfair to expect my Darling Husband to accept this change in my feelings. But he will not even entertain the idea of NTNP and that’s what has me so angry.
Instead of just huffing and being a brat and freezing him out (yes, I am a bit&h) I tried to be mature. After not getting through to him verbally without arguing, I wrote to him, explaining my feelings. How I feel I “give” in the mariage over a lot of things (am the breadwinner while he gets his business slowly off the ground; we eloped cos he wanted to; have given him some of my savings for his business). Anyway, he replied but basically WON’T CHANGE HIS MIND and that’s what I want, stubborn little brat that I am. (No need to tell me that I’m unreasonable, I know that when I hurt I want him to hurt, yes I am childish and mean). He keeps pushing back WHEN we can ditch the condoms. About four months ago he said we could “soon”, now he says “in a couple of weeks”…..yes, that last dealine is close but this infuriates me even more becuase it’s arbitrary, random and just invented to shut me up.
I have never been pregnant, he has no children either, we have been together for 6 and a half years, married for nine months; live near family; my salary is good and “enough”. Yes, I think he would like to have more money but I’m thinking there’ll never be enough anyway, let’s stop preventing a pregnancy at least. Plus, it frustrates me when he mentions money as a reason to wait. My salary is good and it and I “allow” him to get his business going, which is his dream. So what more can I about that aspect fo things?
Any thoughts? I’ve been sleeping in the spare room all week and have cried so much…..
Other than this (and being generally stubborn aka not letting me walk over him like I have done with my ex) he is a great person. I’m 32 almost 33 and he’s 34