Post # 1
What is the appropriate response to a situation where a groomsman and his wife want to bring their 9 month old to our wedding? They have another 2 year old child who will be staying with grandparents. It’s not an adult only event, but our youngest cousin is 12 and there are no children in the wedding party. We feel like our hands are tied by the fact that the child is breast-feeding and that his friend will be helping us out. We’re having a small, intimate ceremony/reception and the addition of the small child will actually take us to capacity on our venue. Neither Fiance nor I particularly like small children and are therefore not well-versed in dealing with them.
I’ve read several other posts about guests bringing uninvited children and it seems like most people suggest that it’s an all or nothing – either the kid comes or the parents don’t. So I feel like that leaves us with no choice but to say yes to the baby. Ugh! It makes us feel like horrible people for being upset with FI’s groomsman for telling us a month before the wedding that he was bringing his uninvited baby…
Post # 3
It generally is all-or-nothing, but I’ve also heard that babies who are still young and breast-feeding are a “pass.” And in this case, it’s not just any old guest who can decline the invite if they don’t want to leave their baby, it’s your groomsman.
I’m not all THAT well-versed on early-childhood development, but my guess is that a 9mo-old baby is not going to be that much of a distraction–certainly not like a toddler (which the couple IS leaving at home, suggesting that they WOULD leave their other kid if it wasn’t for the fact it’s very young and still dependent on mom for breastfeeding). Our friends brought a 1yo and she kind of toddled around and cooed and then collapsed in the bassinet for most of the time. Really, I don’t think that one baby is a big deal and I think that others who have kids would understand why the baby was permitted, given its age.
I also don’t think that a venue would count a 9month-old baby towards capacity–I guess it’s their call in the end, but I would be a bit surprised. Personally, I wouldn’t tell the venue about hte baby–if it’s one baby over capacity then f*ck it–venue staff can stand there and count the bodies for all I care.
Post # 4
I don’t know how to go about it ettiquette wise but if you can manage to have the baby not there def try to do so. I had my FSIL’s little girl crying throughout our entire ceremony. I couldn’t even hear half the vows so Dh’s mom had to take the little one outside. And Dhs mom missed most of us getting married as a result:( Yeah, not fun.
Maybe have a babysitter for the little one, even for just the ceremony? That way the couple can still attend, she can still breastfeed, but you dont have to worry about a crying little one during what I would consider the most important part. Obviously baby not being there is the ideal, but maybe this would be a duable alternative?
Post # 5
If the baby is still breast feeding there is pretty much no way they would leave it at home, hopefully your groomsnans wife will be a good mommy with the baby, and leave the ceremony if it starts crying etc. We have three breastfeed babies coming to our wedding, but we were expecting them we knew people had children that young when we asked them to be in the wedding party so we knew it was going to happen. Just be glad they are leaving the toddler at home and be gracious about the infant.
Post # 6
@Zelkara: OP, if the baby’s mother will be there, then unless she’s a daft one, if the baby starts to fuss, she’ll be up and out of the church immediately. Yes, you’ll have one less witness, but it’s the groomsman’s wife in this case, not your own Mother-In-Law or mother.
Post # 7
if she is still breastfeeding then i would let it go – they have already made arrangments to leave the 2yr at with grandparents so i feel they are trying to do whats best for both you and their family
one 9mth baby isnt going to mean much in regards to venue maximum numbers and i doubt you will be ask to mind the child during the night so hopefully you will be so busy enjoying your wedding that the little one will not bother you at all
Post # 8
@BothCoasts: I must have missread the post as I was thinking her groomsman was a close family member. My mistake. Then yes I agree that the wife being able to walk out if needed makes sense.