Baby Fever Advice

posted 7 months ago in Babies
Post # 46
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think you’ve had a lot of useful advice and some tough love in this thread, but I just wanted to echo the “stop talking about it”. Your husband has said he isn’t ready. You talking about it to him all the time is going to make him feel under pressure. He’s just not ready yet, and that’s ok, you still have lots of time. This advice would be different if you were mid/late 30s, but you’re not at the stage where his indecision will make a difference between pregnancy or not.

Start up a Pinterest board, where you can pin your heart out on baby name ideas, nursery designs, baby food recipes, all that baby stuff. Get some hobbies that don’t involve babies, but might make you feel like you’re making progress (learn to knit or sew, do a fitness class to get in babymaking shape, that kind of thing). Or just a hobby you want to try! I do calligraphy, and it requires way more concentration and time than I’d have with a newborn. Make some future plans that you just can’t do while pregnant (we’ve booked wine school classes for April, that’s given me a few months of respite from baby fever). There’s tons of things you can do to help it feel not so damn hard. 

I hope it starts to feel better soon!

Post # 47
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I completely get the baby fever not being a passing thing or an impulse.  I’ve had baby fever for about 2 years now, and really bad for about 6 months!  I’m like you, I’ve done the research, read the books, I know what sacrifices need to be made.  I want a baby BADLY and it’s hard when you’re in a position where you can’t.  For us we’re a little older, I’m 26 and he’s 27, but we’re not financially ready yet.  We’re both 100% on board emotionally and have almost daily conversations about cloth vs. disposable diapers, will we breastfeed, what happpens if our child is special needs, etc.

For me it was NOT at all helpful for people to tell me “you’re too young” or “you don’t understand what having a baby is all about” or sooo many people telling me “go hang out with kids for 2 hours and see what it’s really like” (just made baby fever worse and honestly got to a point where it was insulting, like people were assuming I hadn’t properly thought this through).

The most helpful thing by far was to sit down with my fiance and make a list of everything we needed to accomplish before we talked about having kids.  It used to be pretty long, including career and educational goals as well, but things have gotten crossed off and now all we have is:

1. Wedding/honeymoon (September 2019)

2. One more big international vacation (tentatively September 2020 depending on my vacaiton time)

3. A certain amound in savings (emergency fund plus 20% down on a house plus closing costs, moving expenses, money for new furniture, etc)

 

When all 3 have been crossed off we’ll talk about kids again, and it’s really helped to keep us grounded it what matters to us while also feeling like we’re working towards getting ready for a baby.  Number 3 is definitely the hardest, but if we stick to our budget we should be there by July 2020, and assuming we start trying October 2020 after our big vacation and take about 6 months to get pregnant, I’ll have the first at age 29 which I feel will still make me a young mom.

Also I don’t mean to be rude or assume anything, everyone’s situation is very different so I’m sorry if this comes off as rude, but I was wondering if you can financially afford kids at 22?  I’m only asking because we both have college degrees (fiance has his masters, I have my bachelor’s) and we can’t afford kids right now.  We are budgetting for extra health insurance for the little one plus a sibling to come later hopefully, $500/month/kid for a college fund, a house in a good school district plus the extra groceries, laundry, utilities that come with a house vs. the 1 bedroom apartment we have now, extracurriculars, vacations for a family of 4, and there’s no way we can afford that right now and we each make about $100k.  But if we wait about 2 years, we’ll definitely be able to afford it.  For me, knowing that putting off kids a couple years helps us give them the very best that we can give them is worth it to me.

*edited to fix typos

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