Post # 1
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
I think I have lost the plot. All I think about is babies, being pregnant, having a child, being a mother. It’s 24/7 – never a break! Its really getting me down. Everybody is telling me (including my fiance) that now isnt the right time – we havent bought a house, and I am still at Uni (graduate next year). To me, owning a house isn’t what is important right now, I am happy to rent for a few years first but my fiance is 150% against renting. I want a family, and I want to start living my life. A house can come at any time – be it in 10 years time. I just want to feel better, I’ve never in my life felt so alone about something – please help?
Post # 3
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
Don’t assume a baby/being a mom will be the answer to all your prayers and bring you great joy. It is frickin hard, way harder than anyone could imagine and you don’t know what you’ll wind up with. My neighbor has a 12 year old autistic son who screams, cries, and tantrums all the time. Enjoy your freedom while you have it because having a child is a gamble; you don’t know what you’ll end up with. Finish school, get a house, nurture your relationship, then have kids. Don’t have tunnel vision over this.
Post # 4
Member
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@BabyBrain: It seems people have already given you (excellent) reasons not to and you still can’t get it off your mind. I’m not sure what any of us can say to sway you. However, if I were you I would have a few other things I would be focusing on rather than a baby. How old are you? I say you finish school and work on a home and career first. Are you married yet? How long have you been with FI? I would try and shift my focus. Also try and find other things that fulfill you.
Post # 5
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
I’m only 21, young I know. This was never my plan, I was so academically and career focused, I was going to live at home until my career was stable bla bla bla. Then I met Fiance, and amongst some other family issues, we ended up living together after a year. We have been together 3.5 years, lived together 2.5 years. I’m still very focused on Uni, and my job as a childcare worker – I just feel like it’s time to start a family. We’ve done everything we want to do together, holidays, date nights, late nights, weekends away, bought a puppy – that plan worked for all of three weeks and now I’m back to square one. I’m ready for my life as a mother – I want my life to be about being a mother. We don’t have a wedding date as Fiance wants to buy a house before anything. Problem is – I’m going to be a teacher. So I’ll be working as a casual for a long time – which is great pay and regular work in Australia, but ultimately the bank still sees it as casual – so buying a house could be years and years and years away yet. But Fiance refuses to rent in order to start our lives.
Post # 6
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
People can’t just have a baby because it’s “the next step in our lives”. That alone leads me to believe that you definitely are not ready to have a child. You are only 21 years old and your fiance is absolutely right that you need to finish college/wait a few years. Being together for 3 years is nothing. The both of you haven’t even gotten married yet or had time to just chill out and enjoy being married. Do you want a screaming infant on the plane ride to your honeymoon?
I think you just need to take a deep breath and find something else to do that will take your mind of this.
Post # 7
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
I am not going to have a baby – I came here to find support, maybe someone to say it’ll be OK. I get plenty of negativity from everyone in my family. All I wanted was somewhere I could talk without being told what I want is wrong. If I had acted on my WANTS then that would suggest I’m not ready for a baby. I know I am ready for a baby – we both are. Just not financially. Hence why there is no baby. I wanted support. Not to be yelled at some more.
Post # 8
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
No one is yelling at you. You got a lot of good advice. If you post your issues on a public forum, you’re going to hear things that aren’t patting you on the back and telling you everything you want to hear.
Post # 9
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
I’m being told that being together for three years means nothing – it may not be the longest relationship in the world yet – but more has happened in that three years than most couples deal with in their entire marriage. Advice I appreciate – but being patronised like that is simply disrespectful. I might be young but i am by no means naive or stupid.
Post # 10
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
First of all, I just want to say that I understand your deep desire to be a mommy! I am there too and once that feeling came last year, there was no getting rid of it. My DH and I are 30 and have been together for over 10 years, so I definitely feel like I’m beyond ready. We both have stable jobs and bought a house and I could not be happier that we waited this long to start the process. I by no means think that owning a house is prerequisite to having a baby, there are many many people who rent and have babies, however, if a house is possible then waiting a bit longer to get a stable job and a house is totally worth it. Also, there is no magical age when having a baby is right. No one can say for sure when is the best time for you personally to start TTC, but one thing is sure–you have to be on the same page with your SO or it will go horribly wrong. It does not sound like your Fiance is on board just yet, so in the mean time I would suggest for you to focus on your career, saving up some money, doing some more travelling, getting as fit as possible, and if you’d like, start researching baby things just to satisfy those “cravings” a bit. If buying a house is not reasonable any time soon, maybe you should talk to your Fiance and discuss a more realistic timeline that both of you would be happy with. Hang in there!
Post # 11
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
@BalticBee thank you for your advice. I know having a baby right now isn’t the smart thing to do – and seeing as I’m the sensible daughter, waiting is my only option. It’s just super super hard. Its been over a year feeling like this, and seeing friends from school having babies, and the parents at work who’s children I love more than they do. I think more than anything I’m looking for someone to understand, but noone around me does! He is on board for a baby, but not for a baby now, so at least I know its coming! If I could see some progress with the house situation it would probably be easier to wait – but saving feels like we’re going nowhere fast! Which just puts a baby further and further back.
Post # 12
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
“A house can come at any time – be it in 10 years time. I just want to feel better, I’ve never in my life felt so alone about something – please help? “
I’m helping you by telling you that your family/fiance are right in advising you to wait. Nowhere in your post did it say that you didn’t want to hear anyone say anything that would oppose your views. Nobody is yelling or patronizing you. You just view it that way when someone points out that your reasons for wanting a child are not good ones.
Post # 13
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
I found it rather insulting of you to tell me that my relationship is nothing – that is what offended me.
Post # 14
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
@BabyBrain: I hear ya! I am baby AND wedding crazy lol double whammy! I totally empathise with how you’re feeling.. I live vicariously through friends who are pregnant/have children and I cannot WAIT for that to be me! Don’t worry about people being negative, they don’t know you’re situation or you as a person so they can’t pass judgement – you can’t deny your feelings!
I know there are a lot of things to come for my SO and I before babies which makes it hard sometimes, but when I’m getting super clucky, I make lists of baby names, dote on all the babies in my life, pin nursery ideas etc on pinterest.. as if I actually am expecting! It settles that niggly feeling for a while!
And don’t worry, while some people certainly aren’t ready for children at a young age, others are amazing at it! My mum was 19 when she had me and is/has been the most incredible, selfless, wonderful mother to me and my brothers. I have other friends who have had children in their early twenties and are far better mothers than woman I know who are in their mid/late 30’s and financially stable!
I’m in my mid-twenties so getting closer to the age where you don’t get so many side eye’s for wanting children but honestly, it’s a completely personal situation and if you want babies, don’t be ashamed of it! You sound like you will be a wonderful mother when it happens for you guys 🙂
Post # 15
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
@BabyBrain: Like I said, I know exactly how you feel since I dealt with it myself for a while! The great thing is that your Fiance is on board with the concept of a baby one day. Maybe the timeline will change and get moved up earlier if you both decide that it is the right time for you. 🙂 In a way, there is never a perfect time or reason to have kids, but being better off financially I’m sure helps. I know that perhaps the people around you may not fully understand this baby fever, but trust me there are plenty of girls on the WB who will. There are some posts for the girls who are waiting to TTC and a post with bucket list ideas for those that are trying to take their minds off the constant baby thoughts. Hope the wait to TTC is not too long for you!
Post # 16
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
@Miss_E_xx thanks very much for saying I’d be a wonderful mother – it has to be best thing I’ve heard all day! I want a baby so much, that I can 100% convince myself that I am pregnant, while at the same time knowing I’m not – it messes with my mind so badly!!! Pinterest is my favourite thing in the world! I am starting to persue cake making as a little adventure to hopefully ease it a little. And thanks for telling me not to be ashamed – thats a big thing for me, i always worry about what people are thinking of me!