- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2017
andiebear91: Yeah, honestly your post screams “not ready” to me. First, I think it’s the excitement of the impending (“T-2.5 months”) wedding that’s making you think about the changes in your life coming up, subsequently putting babies on your mind. This is also why I think your Fiance is becoming more “open to the idea”. Which brings me to my next point…. becoming slightly more excited and open to the idea of having a kid DOES NOT mean he’s ready for one now. He was really uncomfortable with the thought of a kid not too long ago. You don’t magically wake up one day and go from “No way” to “Yes!” on a baby. It doesn’t work that way. And if he isn’t 100000% ready, don’t do it.
Also, being good with a nephew is not anywhere near being a full time father. So he plays nice with a cute toddler for a few hours and passes him back to his parents? It’s not a fool-proof indicator of parenting skills.
You’ve already stated you’re young and I can tell. You’re more worried about conceiving a child after the wedding and having people “think” it happened before. Um, what?? First of all, if you’re mature enough to have a child, you’re mature enough to not let people’s opinions/judgements of you change that choice. Especially if your reasoning is because they are super Roman Catholic… I mean, you’re already “living in sin” so what difference does it make to your family?
Lastly, you say you’re so conflicted on this. If you aren’t 100% positive, don’t do it. Enjoy being newly weds and reevaluate after the dust settles from the wedding. It really sounds like a case of wedding-fever spilling into baby-fever.
Maybe I’m an outlier because I do not currently have baby fever (I’m only 27) but I don’t see anything wrong with wanting time together just the two of you (and pups!) as a married couple despite dating/living together before the wedding. Fiance and I will have been together for nearly a decade by the time we get married and have lived together for 2 years. I still am very much looking forward to a few years of just being a married couple. If your Fiance isn’t ready now, I would definitely put on the brakes. It sounds like you have plenty of time to think about having kids and it’s a LOT of responsibility. I wouldn’t take that on unless both of you are 100% sure you’re ready.
Our wedding is in Oct and we totally plan on starting to try for kids as soon as thats over. Similar situation as you are in. We own our home, we’ve lived together for a few years and been together longer than that. Mostly it comes down to our age, we’re turning 28 this year and we wanted to have all the kids popped out by 30(ish). I say if you both want kids and are in a place in your life where you are stable enough to have them then why not?
Thank you everyone for all your comments! This got way more attention than I ever thought it would. I don’t always feel the way that I did when I posted, it kind of comes and goes. As for Fiance, I guess I should explain further. He used to be open to the hypothetical idea of kids in the future. As time has gone on, he’s much more open to talking about kids, having kids, etc.. I don’t mean right this second, but I don’t mean 2-3 years away either. Are either of us 100% ready right now? No. But we can both see us starting to try in less than a year. I wasn’t suggesting that I should start trying immediately. I’m just asking if it’s crazy that my ovaries make me feel that way sometimes. Also, though I am on the younger side of you ladies (so it seems), having children at my age would in no way make me a young mom. As someone else also commented, I want to be done by around 30.
andiebear91: I have an adorable, precious infant son…who has been on a constant growth spurt since birth making for a lot of sleepless nights and no (or very little) alone time for me or me and my husband. We love this beautiful kid to death, but newborns/babies are a big change to a relationship and a major life adjustment until you get the hang of things. While I am so glad we made the decision to have him when we did, I do have moments of missing the ease of our life and the time we got just the two of us before. Life after a baby is awesome, but it’s different. If you’re both ready for different, then go for it. If there are doubts, there is no harm waiting a bit. Just make sure it’s completely an agreed upon choice by both of you!
ETA: But, yes, I had that feeling before we began trying for our son. A miscarriage with our first pregnancy, while terrible, solidified that now was the time for us. Our son is 3 months old and it just feels like he was meant to be our baby. Just a fun test-try setting an alarm for every 2 1/2-3 hours one night and simulate getting up, changing, and feeding a baby (which takes roughly 30-1 hour depending on variables). Try for a couple of nights and see how you both respond and deal.
andiebear91: I will also say that baby fever ebbs and flows a lot, at least it did for me. For example when I was in my first serious relationship with my boyfriend around 23-24 I had CRAZY baby fever. I think I had almost romanticized the thought of having a baby with him if that makes sense. In the years since then I have gone from wanting a baby immediately after getting married to now sitting on the fence as to if I actually *want* to have a child. I was at one extreme now it feels like I am at another. That is a big reason why I caution you on this.
I was totally in your shoes right before our wedding. We had planned to start trying on our 1 year anniversar, but I caught the baby fever bad. We agreed to start trying on our honeymoon. We were in the exact same position that we had been together for almost 4 years and had lived together almost 2 years. I say go for it right after the wedding. Definitely wait until after and don’t let the crazy baby fever brain convince you otherwise. A month before our wedding I decided it would be fine to start trying since it was probably going to take a few months to conceive anyways. Nope, we got pregnant on the very first try and I got hit hard with morning sickness on our honeymoon. It sucked.
I have a 4 month old and it’s both exhausting and equally enjoyable .. Follow your heart but do realize that life changed dramatically after having a baby .. more so than with pets
I have baby fever as well. I believe we are the same age? Born in ’91? Anyway, we have been married for a half a year. We both intend on waiting until atleast our 1 year anniversary before we start trying. But I agree with you, I want to be done before 30. Good luck on your upcoming wedding and future 🙂
Maybe I’m weird, but if you and your fiance want to have kids go for it! It sounds like everything is going well for you both and honestly you’ll be hard pressed to find an “ideal time” for kids. It’s always something… money issues or whatever. Just make sure he’s ready~
If I were you, I’d personally wait 6 months to a year after the wedding before TTC but that’s just because I think it’s important to enjoy the major stepping stone of marriage before children come into the picture. However, for you it may be a different story.
I get baby fever like crazy and I’m only 24… but I want to wait until 27 (getting married at 25) when I get my bachelors degree so I’m more financially stable. I started taking college seriously pretty late in life though so I’m a bit different than some my age. My best friend is already about to get her masters and wants to have kids at 25 (which I’d love to do if I could afford it).
andiebear91: if you try as soon as you’re married, any person with brains can figure out when you conceived so if they THINK you conceived before, hand them a conception wheel or Google it from your due date. We’re basically the same person I think, we have 2 cats and 2 dogs lol been together for 4, lived together for 1.5 .. we both have major baby fever and are trying right after we get married. Honestly, unless you don’t live together before marriage, you probably don’t need the “enjoy being married” time in my opinion because not much will change! That’s how I see it. What am I enjoying without kids here? The last name change and the ring on my finger? Because other than those things, your daily lives will be the same as they’ve been since you moved in together lol That’s why we’re not having “married time”.. plus, you have 9-10 months of just you two married time before it’s officially the 3 of you 😉
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