Baby fever. Am I ready?

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You don’t.  You Wait. You admit your relationship is rocky,  you’ve already broken up once.  Just wait.  Being a single mother sucks,  don’t have a baby with him yet,  babies are a huge stressor on an already rocky relationship

Post # 3
Member
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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ilovelife89 :  

Have you been to therapy to deal with what your mother put you through? You won’t be your mother if you break the cycle.

As for your boyfriend, do you know if he wants kids? Just ask what his thoughts are, but I would build a more solid relationship before thinking of kids, things were rocky only a few months ago.

Post # 5
Member
7150 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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ilovelife89 :  Honestly, it sounds like you should wait if you want a stable environment. Either you wait until you are in a good place with your current boyfriend, or you break up if it can’t ever be in a good place and find a more stable relationship. 

As far as addressing the issue with your mother… Therapy. It will help so much to talk it out.

Post # 6
Member
10641 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Don’t have babies with some dude you have barely been with a year and have already broke up with once. I don’t say that to be harsh, I say it to be realistic. Wait until you’ve left the honeymoon phase and spent some significant time together and really let your relationship get some legs. 

If marriage is important to you I would wait until that milestone has been met to think about children, but again, I would really really feel out this relationship before any big commitments like marriage/children. You want to have a strong stable foundation for your child, you owe it to them to really spend some time working on that foundation and making it as sturdy as possible before bringing them into the world.

Post # 7
Member
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
ilovelife89 :  

Therapy would be an excellent tool to work through all of your anger towards your mother. If you work through it and let go of the anger, you kids won’t pick up on any of it. You can also protect them from her if you feel the need to, if you feel that she would be damaging to them in any way, you don’t have to have her in their lives.

I still think you should focus on your own healing and your relationship first, before thinking of babies.

Post # 9
Member
710 posts
Busy bee

Therapy can work wonders, but only if you find the right therapist. So don’t give up if you don’t think your first therapist is helpful, keep at it. And honestly, I’m so sorry to say this but I don’t think this is a good time to have a child and I don’t think your relationship is stable enough at this point. 

Post # 10
Bee
5254 posts
Bee Keeper

Therapy helps some people and others do just fine without it. But in my opinion your relationship is not ready for a baby. You’ve been together 1 year and spent part of that year broken up. Wait a year and see where you are. Also, I believe it’s not a great idea to have kids before marriage. Yes, a lot of people do it, but that doesn’t make it sensible.

Please no comments from the peanut gallery. I’m well aware that women these days have kids without the benefit of marriage. I just happen to think it’s not smart for reasons that have nothing to do with morality.

Post # 11
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wait until marriage and give your kids the stability that brings.

Post # 12
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Babies are hard and will test the most stable relationships. I really don’t think anything prepares you for your own baby. You should wait. 

Post # 13
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

No no no.  Your relationship is on/off and unstable, you’ve been together for less than a year, and you’re still in your 20s.  This is asking for major trouble.  What’s the rush?  Wait to see if this relationship even pans out first.

Also, therapy could really help with some of your fears stemming from your upbringing.  I know a lot of people who had bad childhoods and are wonderful parents because they know what they DON’T want to do.  I’m sure you’ll be a great mom!  Just be sure to be smart and wait until you know you’re bringing a child into a stable, loving, STABLE environment.  Stability is so important for kids.

Post # 14
Member
7062 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

You aren’t ready to have a baby- no one really is until they’re doing it. So that just is what it is. 

In terms of your relationship- it’s great that your commitment to this person is renewed after your separation. You still don’t really know him, though. You haven’t even been in a relationship for 365 days; you are definitely NOT ready to commit to creating an entire new human with him.

Post # 15
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I halfway stopped reading at “for almost a year” and 100% stopped at “very rough patch.” No.

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