(Closed) BaBY FEVER! how many kids do you want and what is your parenting style?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m the oldest of 3, and Darling Husband is the oldest of 4. We have one Dear Daughter who is quickly approaching 10-years-old (!!!!), but we’ve always wanted 2 children. Hoping #2* comes along sooner-than-later!

*I suffered a miscarriage around 8w in October.

Post # 17
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is a long way off for us, but we’ve talked about having 3. Hubs is from a much larger family than I am. I also have personal reasons for three children since I only have an older sibling. His parents and my parents are total opposites and we were raised differently. His family was very restrictive and strict Christians. My family was a lot more laid back and not religous at all. Hubs had gone against his family when he got to college, so I’d imagine our parenting style more similar to my parents’ style.

Post # 18
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Well, my fiance has a daughter from a previous marriage who is with us more or less full time. We would love to have two more if financially feasible.

As far as parenting style goes, we are old-school in that we are very big on manners. As my fiance and I say, “We are not raising kids we are raising little ladies and little gentlemen.” We have a sit down family dinner every night and we hammer in the table manners, amongst other things.

We are also pretty strict on how we talk to each other. For example, if ours has a temper tantrum or a crying fit, the rule has always been that it is OK, but she needs to go scream and yell in her room until she calms herself and she can come out and communicate calmly with one of us. Works wonders and it makes it MUCH easier for us to understand and attend to what is ACTUALLY bothering her.

Appart from that we try and have a lot of openness as parents. We feel strongly that we establish a relationship where our children do not feel embarassed or self-concious about coming to either of us. We both felt that way about our parents growing up and we want to make sure that we avoid that with our kids.

Parenting is kind of a big mess of improvising when you boil it down haha.

Post # 19
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, had baby fever until I ‘found’ out after having my first that a good daycare alone was like up to a couple of hundred dollars a week and counting.  Also, after having two, I am exhausted already.lol

 

I am sooo done.

 

Post # 20
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee

When the time comes, DBF and I would ideally want two children. Under certain circumstances, I’d be alright with one, but the only way I’d ever go above two would involve a multiple birth. Although I am the youngest of four from a somewhat religious family, I have a feeling our family will resemble DBF’s more in terms of size and family culture. DBF is one of three, but he is also a twin…given that his parents are from Europe, chances are that they otherwise wouldn’t have gone beyond two.<br /><br />In terms of parenting styles, I’m a lot more open to wiggle room. I truly believe that before many people become parents, their opinions on certain decisions are much stronger than they become once they have a child to raise. They may absolutely swear that they’d never spank, for example, but eventually they may see the value in it, or even choose to do it themselves.<br /><br />I do have some philosophies that I want to raise any children of mine with, though. For the most part, I don’t believe in sheltering children from things. The only thing I kind of endorse along those lines is putting substantial limits on screen time until children begin to reach school age, but I really don’t want to shelter my children from other people’s ideas or realities. Not everyone’s household looks the same, nor do all families share the same rules and beliefs. Additionally, while I see the importance of teaching a child to say please and thank you, I could never see punishing a child over not calling their uncle “Uncle _____” as long as he had problem with it himself.

Post # 21
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My husband and I agree: ideally, one child. Maximum, two. I started thinking more along the lines of two before I got pregnant — right now, I’m happy with having one (baby has a cousin who will be almost exactly a year older, and another cousin long-distance who will be 2 years older).

My parenting style would probably be classed as more authoritative, i.e.: rules are always enforced and are clear to the child. When a mistake is made, punishment tends to be more supportive than punitive. It’s a more democratic process — I will listen to my child’s concerns and complaints, but ultimately, I’m in charge. I am a warm, comforting person. Discipline is consistent and administered after one warning (“If you continue to do (blank), I will do (blank)”).

 

I grew up with authoritarian parents. We were given no reason for rules (“That’s just how it is.”). Punishment was inconsistent and often severe. Punishment was focused on being punitive and discouraging — they mostly seemed intent on watching us suffer and be humiliated, rather than focusing on us becoming better people (in all of these years, they have not changed). We had no privacy and our parents freely went through our things, computers, journals, etc., then blabbed about it to the entire family. My parents had no business having kids and they were  emotionally abusive.

As an adult, I’m very averse to authoritarian parenting styles (not just my parents’ mode of it, but the general principles that the idea encompasses). I think it involves treating children like prisoners, rather than giving them the security and encouragement to slowly become more independent.  I wouldn’t want them treating others poorly (nor would I want anyone else to treat my kids that way), and I want them to have positive self-esteem.

There is balance, of course. I don’t like the “my baby is an angel, no one can ever say anything bad about my princess,” or the “My child is the BEST” entitlement attitudes. I expect to raise my kids with an awareness of their weaknesses, but also with emphasis on their positive characteristics.

For what it’s worth, I have been involved in raising my young cousin since his birth (he’s now 8). I treat him the same way that I expect to treat my own children…and he’s better-behaved for me than he is for anyone else in the family. He knows my boundaries and knows that candy goes back on the shelf if he continues acting out/he will wind up in the corner again and again each time he tries to escape. I have also cared for several other children. While demeanor and personality can vary, and certainly you have to adjust accordingly…this is generally a parenting style that works well with most kids. <br /><br />Even the power-hungry ones.

Post # 22
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would love a bigger family. I grew up with two sisters (so a family of 5) and 3 children would be my minimum.  I loved having sisters to play with, we are each 2 years apart and would like to do the 2 years apart too.  

I would like to raise my kids how i was raised.  My parents were protective, but loose?  For example, they made sure we had all the knowledge and tools and what to do in any situation, and well as keeping them in the loop on everything.  However, they also would trust us that we would continue to make the right decisions when they were not around.  

One of my favorite memories and a great example of how i want to raise my kids is when my family went to Paris.  I had turned 13 one week before and this was before cell phones were common and certainly before you took them out of the country.  we went to the Lourve Museum and my parents told my sisters and i that we could go off on our own as long as we all met at this designated place at this designated time.  So here i was, freshly 13 wondering an amazing museum on my own with only a watch on my wrist!  I was able to go at my own pace and stay longer at exhibits i found more interesting, it was wonderful and is one of the best memories i have.   In my friends circle wondering off alone (Even in a building) would be completely uncalled for And never allowed.  Yet my parents knew that we had all the tools and knowledge to make all of the right decisions. 

Post # 23
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I want 4 to 6 kids and I think my parenting style would be laid back. I’ve seen too many people from helicopter parent homes end up down the wrong path. My parents were very laid back with me and my siblings and I thinks we all turned out great 🙂 We didn’t need tons of crazy rules and stuff to keep us out of trouble because our parents were great role models and I hope I can instill that into my kids as well.

ETA @ Miss-Joker: my parents were similar! I also felt more well-adjusted when I started college because everyone was all “OMG NO ONES TELLING ME WHAT TO DO” and I was already used to the freedom 🙂

Post # 24
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

rbuchanan09:  I wasn’t sure I wanted kids until I was pregnant and now that numbet 1 is here I want lots! Darling Husband wants 4, I can see myself having 3-4 we will see. Originally I thought two was good but I can’t imagine only having one more. I hope to be a balanced parent.

Post # 25
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am one of 6, husband is one of two. I caught baby fever about 6 months ago when I turned 28. I would like 2 at the most and still trying to convince the husband as to when we can start to ttc. As far as parenting style, I would say old school. I have no intention to be their friend before I am their parent.

Post # 26
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would prefer to just adopt children.  Thankfully my fiance is also on board with adopting.  I’d love to adopt from other countries.  I know that he really wants to have one or two children and but honestly the idea of giving birth is terrifying and it’s only getting more scary. So…for his sake, I hope that goes away sometime in the next 10 years.

Post # 27
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013 - Omaka Scout Camp (Hopefully_

Fiance ad I have discussed it, and we want no more than two biological children. But should we find ourselves in the position of wanting a third we would look in long term fostering or fostering to adopt.

As the child of a helicopter parent I can guarantee that that is not the style I would use. I believe in allowing the child to develop independence from a young age and offering them choices within reason. As for consequences they will be learnt from a young age, but physical punishments are not an option (They don’t work other than to invoke fear into the child, and they are illegal here in New Zealand anyway). 

Children are a good 6 years off for us, but that doesn’t stop the baby fever 

Post # 28
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’ve always wanted 2-3 kids. We’ll see what happens…I want to be pregnant twice for sure, and mulitples run in both our families, so 3 is likely even with only 2 pregnancies.

I plan on being as balanced as possible. Mother first, but teach them they can come to me with problems, like a friend, and I will always be there to help. Manners and respect will be big in our household for sure.

Post # 29
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We want 4 or 5 kids. I want to be their parent first, and friend second. I think too often than not, people want to be the “cool parents”, which I think is great once your kids get to a certain age, but when they’re young up until when they graduate high school, I think one needs to be a parent, who will discipline when they need to, be a great role model, and listen to them when they talk. I want to be the type of parent where my kids know I mean business, but at the same time, are not afraid to come to me with any problems, questions, concerns, etc. that they are having. I also want to be very support of them and what they choose. I want them to know that I am their biggest fan. 

Post # 30
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

We would like to have at least one child.  I’d like to have 2 but considering my age we’ll see how one goes.  As for parenting style I’m not really sure.  Probably similar to how I was raised – manners, respect, boundries.

The topic ‘BaBY FEVER! how many kids do you want and what is your parenting style?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors