Post # 1
I guess I’m actually after a bit of advice here, my DH and I have been together for nearly 8 years, we have lived together for over 4 and have been married since October 2014. We always said from the start we’d TTC when I’m 28/29 and his 29/30, we’re currently 24/25. The past few weeks I have had baby fever to the extreme! Suddenly other people’s kids really interest me and I have tolerance, interest and patience for them also a friend and family member are pregnant right now and I love talking to them about pregnancy/anything baby related! (I used to be not able to stand others kids for more then a few minutes lol – though DH and I have always wanted to have a family, he wants 6!!) I’m constantly picturing us as a family and imagining what it will be like and always stalking the boards here! I feel like I could be ready to TTC as early as next year. DH is a little hesitant as he wants to travel with his music career and focus on that over the next few years, but is happy to bring our plans forward to TTC in 2-3 years in stead of 5.
I guess my question is, am I actually ready? Or is it normal to feel so clucky after marriage and it’ll come and go? Is it best to wait?
I feel as though feeling secure, in a good place (we have a house, full-time jobs, will travel this year and be out of debt next year) I guess things feel like they’re starting to line up.
The only thing that’s making me hesitant is I’m worried I’m feeling this way because I’m not enjoying my job right now and I’ve always been very career focused (I’ve worked in the wedding industry for over 5 years and I actually love my job, I just hate where I’m working right now! I’m in a quite location 36 hours a week on my own, with the occasional customer, I was promoted here to run the store 6 months ago and have been miserable since, I used to work in the busiest store/location with friends but in a lower role, I just feel bored and lonely and stuck in my own head too often) I have been applying for other jobs in my field but they don’t come up often and I’ve been knocked back a few times. I am normally very career and money driven but right now I feel I’d be more fufilled being a Stay-At-Home Mom.
Am I just feeling this way because of my current circumstances or are we actually ready to start TTC?
Should I stick it out at my current job, save over the next 2 years then TTC? Or should I wait until I find a more fufilling job and see if that changes things?
Sorry for all the questions! I’m just feeling confused and overwhelmed right now 🙁 Thanks ladies xx
Post # 2
congrats on the recent wedding!
my take on the deal is that once you decide to be a parent, you don’t ever get to not be a parent again. Until you are super duper sure that you and you DH are ready for a baby, I would just relax, travel, pay off your debt and see what else life throws at you.
Best of luck!
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Well obviously TTC right niw is not an option, as your DH is not onboard with that. I think he’s offered a reasonable compromise of TTC in 2 years or so, which is a significant advance of the original timeline. So what can you do in the next 2 years to make them awesome years and get yourself in the best possible place to TTC? Maybe that is a job change. Or maybe it’s achieving savings goals, travel goals, health goals, hobby-related gfoals, or anything else you can imagine. Enjoy your marriage. Enjoy this time as a twosome. TTC will still be there in 2 years when your DH is ready and has achieved some of his own goals.
Post # 4
I probably need to just relax, I think working 36 hours a week, every week on my own is doing my head in and causing me to be stuck in my own head over thinking and over analysing everything 🙁 Plus being extremely clucky and around pregnant women isn’t helping me either! But yes you’re right, I want DH and I to be 100% sure we’re ready to be parents before bringing a baby into the world and the concern that I’m feeling this way because it seems the more fulfilling option than being at work is what concerns me. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve always wanted to be parents! I’m just not sure the timing/circumstances are right x
Post # 5
Thanks lovekiss, you’re definitely right, DH has been so supportive and said last night if I really wanted to start trying for a baby now he’d be up for it and joked it would give us plenty of time to fit it the other 5 kids he wants! (I say joked but he really does want 6! Probably the only thing we don’t see eye to eye on, but we’ve compromised on 3 or ‘seeing how we go’) I definitely want his music career to succeed and I would never take that away from him! I do support him 100% and his passion for music is one quality I admire in him, so yes I agree he is being great in bringing our timeline forward 🙂 x
Post # 6
I totally get where you are coming from! I didn’t want to have kids previously, but that might have been because I never really interacted with kids that I liked from younger generations. Plus, I am huge into traveling and furthering my education, so I didn’t see how I could achieve everything at the same time. Now, we are looking at paying off all our debts in the next two years, and then saving for a house. My DH didn’t even want to consider making a decision until 30, but now that we are getting closer to “checking all the boxes”, we don’t know where we are!
I would say that since you are young (so am I), that you should enjoy the next two years childfree. Since you are going to be out of debt, you can really put that money into having big blowout adventures and seeing the world before settling down. I am not saying you can’t do things like that when you have kids, it just changes and complicates the logistics.
Every time I get all baby feverish, I just remind myself how good it will feel to be able to put several thousand dollars a month to retirement, a new house, and baby without batting an eye. If we wanted to go on a trip, no problem! I am just going to take that time and really enjoy living the financially independent life!
ETA: If you aren’t really into traveling, let those 2-3 years be the guilt free years of your DH pursuing his music without being away from the family!
Post # 7
If your DH wants six kids then you should start within the next two years.
Post # 8
Thanks fvsoccer, I’m glad I’m not alone in this! 🙂 yeah I dedinitely think I will take this time to enjoy life, travel and let DH focus on travelling with his music guilt free 🙂 I guess I just have to accept the feeling of wanting a little one as perfectly normal and it will happen eventually! I’ve decided I’m going to keep applying for a new job because eventually the right one will say you’re hired! And I can go back to focusing on my career while DH focuses on his 🙂
@daiseybee90 – This is true! But it’s a constant battle of him trying to convince me 6 kids will be great and me trying to convince him it’s not! Lol. I’m 5’2 and under 50kg, I don’t think my frame could handle so many pregnancies! 😛 That and emotionally I don’t feel I could give 6 kids as much love, attention and one on one time that I could to 2 or 3. This is just me personally, I know everyone’s different! 🙂 x
Post # 9
I think once your feeling ready, its not going to move backwards to you feeling not ready. I would see how you feel the next few months, and if you are still feeling like you will be ready next year than go for it! Especially if you already have a house, jobs, will be out of debt, and want multiple kids.
Post # 10
Haha, I cracked up with your back and forth about the number of kids thing. It reminds me so much of my DH. He used to keep insisting on waiting until mid- and late- thirties, but I was like “hell no! my body is already going to take a beating, we aren’t putting it under that much more pressure!”. It sounds like you two have a good thing worked out, you get to try earlier for babies, and he gets a few years of travel and pursuing his music. Maybe, if he is really set on that, he will give up the 6 kids thing and recognize that putting it off for a few more years will likely mean you aren’t going to have 6 kids unless you are able to have them back to back.
Post # 11
Six kids! Holy shit. If he really wants that many then I think that the sooner you start the better. That way you can space them out a little instead of being constantly pregnant from ages 30-40. Otherwise, if you guys can agree on 2 or 3 then waiting another 2-3 years seems reasonable to me. I don’t really think it’s fair for him to put it off so he can do music and still expect you to produce that many kids. He can’t have it all…
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
I’m currently pregnant and I had serious baby fever since meeting my hubby, so 3 years of non-stop fever.. it doesn’t go away! But I’m glad I waited until I’m 28. 6 pregnancies is a big deal though and probably not very realistic… this one has been hard enough so far for me.. it’ll take a lot of forgetting to get over this one to even face a second tbh.