Baby fever vs. logical brain

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It could easily take you 3-4 months to get pregnant even if you are a perfect specimen of fertility. And even if you got pregnant immediately it still takes 9 months to grow the baby meaning that he will have sorted out whatever it is he’s sorting out with his job by the time the baby comes.

I would at least talk to him about it. Bottling it up won’t help either of you. 

Post # 4
Member
4245 posts
Honey bee

Do his job issues have an end date? Like, he knows that all the problems will be sorted in x number of months?

Post # 7
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

SweetyBee :  I wouldn’t TTC until your husband has stable income/employment.  Maybe baby fever is your way of dealing with the stress from your husband’s unemployment? 

I’ve had fertility problems that led to needing surgery and medication to get pregnant with my first child so I full empathize with the stress of fertility issues, but you don’t even have a diagnosis of any kind to suggest you can’t get pregnant without medical intervention.

Rushing into TTC based on two hypothetical outcomes (your husband’s employment and your fertility) seems really ill advised to me.  

Post # 8
Member
2771 posts
Sugar bee

Even if you got pregnant tomorrow, if we take the conservative route and say 4 months you’ll still have 5 ish months until the baby is born. 

I don’t see how it would hurt to start now. It could take a few months to get pregnant, like it does for most people. It’s scary to think about, and it’s fine wanting ducks in a row, but nothing is a for sure thing. Life is so uncertain that unless there is something definite keeping you from trying (like chemo for someone I know), you might as well. By waiting, especially when you’ll be settled by the time you’ll likely be pregnant, you’re hedging a lot of bets that other things won’t be getting in the way of trying. 

 

Post # 10
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Unless you are in your late 30s +, just chill till it makes sense. Don’t just bank on your anticipation that his job situation will be better by the fall… wait and see what happens. 

Post # 11
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It just sounds like something you need to talk to your husband about.  You don’t need to add stress, but he deserves to know how you are feeling.   Once you lay down both of your feelings you can come up with a plan to address them all- having a baby is kind of something both people should be on the same page about.  

Post # 12
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think you both can keep anticipating that the work situation will be agreeable in a number of months..however, you won’t know. Worst case scenario, if it doesn’t get sorted and you got pregnant thinking it would be enough time then imagine the stress you both will have. The last thing I would want is a newborn and a husband facing overwhelming amounts of financial/work stress.

As for the fertility, I would not stress it until you get to a point where it truly presents itself. Otherwise, you’re just already setting yourself up for a stressful enviroment and potentially making very rash decisions that neither of you are ready for just yet. Seeing your doctor isn’t a bad move and something that may give you peace of mind and perhaps even tips on any health related things you can do to prepare for when you are finally ready to TTC.

If things were to go south further with the work situation or just simply be the same and if another emergency comes along, can you say the savings won’t be affected and still leave you with a cushion for having a child now?

Ultimately, you need to talk to your husband and figure out together what you both feel. I think it sounds like you know this will absolutely add stress and therefore I think the best answer is the one you already have which is wait. Baby fever is baby fever so really, besides reminding yourself of why it’s important to wait and doing things to improve yourself for when you are ready, there’s not much more you can do. Try to appreciate the time to improve yourself whether physical health or emotional health or mentally getting yourself prepared by seeking out more knowledge. Focus on the positives of having this time to really get both of yourselves adjusted. Is he stressed visibly right now about finances and work?

Lastly, don’t be afraid to talk about children. Talk about them. My husband and I aren’t ready but baby fever hits us both and sometimes it’s just nice to talk about parenting/pregnancy things, watch baby related things, read pregnancy/children related things together etc but without stressing how badly we want to TTC now. So, maybe something to communicate about with your partner if you both agree now is not the best time.

Post # 14
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

SweetyBee :  I don’t think it’s bad at all to talk to him. You both are partners. If nothing else, you both should be able to talk especially at these times. I think the important thing is while you share your fears to also gets his, acknowledge them, and still just give one another support. Like I edited above, when the baby fever or fertility concerns get at an all time high, it’s important and healthy to discuss them. It’s just important to recognize how you’re discussing them. Naturally you can discuss them in a pressure free enviroment and even turn it around to focus on the positives together of how you’ll utilize this time between improving yourselves, improving your home, and improving your careers. Talking may not change the fact of waiting but it can only bring you both closer if done productively and give you both more comfort rather than letting whatever build up on both of your sides.

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