Baby first or house first?

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

As someone who manages a health plan for a large company…. BABY FIRST!!!  At any moment, there will be someone like me that says we shouldn’t be covering IVF on the health plan (and I will be doing IVF myself this October).  They can take it away at Open Enrollment.  If you’re worried about money and need IVF, jump on this opportunity.  

I can’t remember the stat, but it’s definately less than 10% of employer plans that provide that benefit.  $20K plays for a lot of diapers.  

Post # 4
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Baby first! Especially since you have IVF coverage and you know you need IVF. 

Post # 5
3224 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know, I’ve always been of the opinion that people have had babies with far less. Really, honestly, babies don’t need much. Sure, there’s always things you can buy and gadgets you can own, but the baby itself NEEDS very little (of course, there are exceptions to this). 

I would start. Nothing in life is guaranteed, that includes savings, houses, people, etc. The best thing all of us can do is live in the moment. Sure, plan for the future, by all means, but don’t be constantly waiting for it and missing the now. 

You’ve been through cancer, you know how precious life is. Start the journey to having a baby, you can ALWAYS buy a house. You can’t always have a baby. I usually ask myself “If tomorrow were my last day, what would I regret not having more?” In the case of baby versus house, I can guarantee my response would never be house. I get it, it takes time to have a baby, but you can enjoy the process every step of the way. A house will rarely (if ever) complete your family like a baby could/would. 

I don’t believe in putting life on hold for material things, and a house is just a really big material thing. I can find lots of places to live, but I can’t find lots of people to share my life with. 

Lots of rambling, sorry. But at the end of the day, if you have a place to live, and you’re not stressing about your next meal, I would choose baby every time. 

Also, every plan will have worries. You just have to decide which outcome you would want more if you could only have one. 

I often remember that saying: If you’re torn about something, flip a coin. Not because it will tell you the answer, but because in that second when it’s in the air, you’ll know which answer you really want. 

Post # 6
4087 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think a baby needs a house. But will being pregnant hurt your chances of contract renewal? And can you afford your bills plus a baby if it isn’t renewed?

If so, I say go for it if you feel ready.  I’m sure you know, life never goes according to our plans.

Post # 7
9853 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Baby first!

We are doing baby first without any of the very logical and reasonable reasons that you’ve listed. We just don’t feel the need to buy a house right now and it doesn’t make sense since we will be moving within the next 5ish years and again a few years after that for my husband’s job. However, we absolutly feel ready for a baby. 

And having IVF covered is HUGE (which I’m sure you know!). Don’t worry about not going in the “traditional” order. Plenty of babies are born every day to wonderful families that don’t own a house and they are no worse off for it.

Post # 8
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

dizzybee130 :  Girl I totally came here ready to say its easier to do house first than move with a baby. But hell yeah go for the free IVF now!! Like right now, call the doctor and set up your appointment! It can take months just to get the ball rolling before they even do anything with the IVF. Also it sounds like you have a good plan for an apartment and it doesnt make sense that you would buy a house and then have the financial burden of a house and IVF on you. 

Post # 9
1745 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I agree with your reasoning based on your circumstances. We did things a little out of order, bought the house big enough for a family, getting married with a small civil ceremony in a few weeks, then trying for baby in about a month! The health insurance is definitely a bonus and I think really makes the deal!!  

Post # 10
488 posts
Helper bee

I think baby first makes sense. It would be fun to have a few years of just couple time but sometimes you just can’t if you know for sure you want kids. I’m in a little bit of the same situation without the IVF stuff – just married and in an ideal world I would have a few years of travel/fun times with my husband, but due to our ages we just can’t wait. 

Post # 11
1745 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017


pancakes11 :  agreed

Post # 12
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Some other things to consider – what exactly is covered in IVF through your insurance? Is it coverage for medication (are there limits?), the retrieval itself (which it sounds like you wouldn’t be using), the transfer (this cost is generally significantly less than a retrieval). Would it cover egg donation/can it be used for the retrieval cycle of someone who will be donating their eggs to you? Does it cover genetic testing, PGS/PGD, ICSI?

Personally, if I was in your situation, I would weigh the options a little more after researchig what is covered. If your insurance doesn’t cover the cost of donor eggs, for example, but only medications or a transfer, then it might be worth putting off. Donor eggs (at least through my clinic) can range from $6k to $20k if you get frozen from an egg bank or fresh from a donor. If it covers all of it, then by all means I would be moving forward….but the likelihood of insurance covering a donor egg IVF cycle at 100% is slim. Usually insurance will require a certian diagnosis or amount of failed trials prior to covering IVF, and I’ve never heard of a case that covered a full donor cycle (apologies as I don’t persnoally have experience but thought I would mention it as I’ve dealt with infertility for a few years and joined plenty of support groups/boards). I would also be inclined to say that since you generally “purchase” donor eggs, these costs will not be included in your insurance coverage.

With that all being said, you also have the option of utilizing what you can now and freezing any embryos you get until you are in a place or time where you feel absolutely certain you want to have a child. As PP mentioned, will being pregnant impact your contract work? If you’ve always wanted to wait 5 years before having kids (or buy a house for that matter), then frozen embryos give you those options. 

Best of luck!

Post # 13
55 posts
Worker bee

Not even a question- BABY BABY BABY!  🙂 

Post # 15
13753 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In your situation, I’d lean towards baby first just because of your (incredible) insurance plan.  I live in an area where lots of people raise kids in apartments, so I don’t think that should be a major concern, considering you could easily move to a two bedroom in the same area to accomodate your growing family. 

Best of luck in whatever you decide!

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