- 2 months ago
My husband and I have been talking about buying a house early next year, and also about having a baby. I was envisioning starting that process late next year, but we hadn’t really discussed timing. We’re going to need IVF with donor eggs because of my cancer treatment, so it will be a process. We were talking last night and he drops the bomb that if you asked him which he was ready for he’d say baby. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I realized it makes perfect logistical sense to do baby first.
First, we live in a one-bedroom apartment in a “luxury” building with lots of amenities we don’t use. A cheaper 2-bedroom in a building without a concierge and no pool and street parking instead of garage could be found when our lease is up in a few months and would be perfectly liveable for years while baby is small. When we’re ready, husband, baby, pets, and I could make the move out into the burbs, which we’ll need to do to afford the space a teenager will need (and for the better schools.)
More than this, I have health insurance that will cover up to $20,000 for IVF at my current job. I literally jumped up and kissed my husband when I read that in my insurance plan. But, and this is a big but, I’m a contractor and my current contract only goes through February. My boss is fighting to keep me for another year, and I am optimistic that he’ll be successful. However, if he’s not, I’ll be looking elsewhere and will almost certainly not, as I’m sure you know, have insurance coverage for IVF. Bottom line, I have IVF coverage for the next 6 and MAYBE 18 months. After that, it’s unlikely.
Our financial situation has stabilized now that we’re both a few years out of grad school and while we don’t yet have the safety net savings I’d want, I’m confident that in the next year or two we’ll get there. If we both have good incomes, especially considering that doing IVF now rather than in 2-3 years will save us $20,000, is our lack of having 3-6 months expenses saved a reason to delay getting on the baby train?
Is it financially dumb to do baby before house? Will the baby expenses make it impossible to save for the house? Also, now that I’ve been thinking about it, I’ve been thinking that living with my baby and my husband for a few years (maybe until baby goes to school) in the city neighborhood I love could ease the transition to the burbs (which is necessary for COL and school quality reasons in our area but which I’m dreading). Is that dumb?
One last thing. I’ve always pictured being married 5ish years before baby. My parents were married for 8 years before they had me, and my mom says she treasures that time that she had with my dad. My husband and I only been married a little over a year and a half. Will we regret not taking more time to be DINK? But, we’re early 30s already, so we’re not getting any younger – we just took our sweet time settling into careers, getting grad school out of the way, and finding each other.
I do fiercely want to be a mom and my husband will be the best father on the planet, I just need some help sorting through some worries about the change in plans. Thanks!