(Closed) Baby help

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

How old is your FI? He sounds like he has some growing up to do. Most men are not really ready to be fathers until into their 30’s. Agreeing on children could make or break your marriage so I would investigate further.

Post # 4
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t want to have children with you I think it’s just something a lot of teachers experience. As a teacher myself I have occassionally (very rarely because I am SOOO excited to have kids) thought that I didn’t want kids. This usually happens when I have an especially challenging student or class or after a bad day. You have to remember that as a teacher he sees all kids of things with kids. He sees them when they’re tired, hungry, stressed, excited, sometimes abused, deprived, hurt, etc. He probably feels like he is already a parent to his students and the idea of bringing that home with him might be more than he can handle right now. I don’t think this means you will never have children I just think now isn’t the right time and he needs to have some time to separate his role as teacher and parent (it’s not as easy as one might assume!).

None of this is an excuse for him to say that he’s happy your scared of being pregnant. He shouldn’t have said that and you should discuss that with him. Perhaps you need to have some type of an agreement where you won’t pressure him to have kids for xyz number of years/months/whatever but in xyz years/months/whatever he needs to be willing to have that conversation with you because he told you he was willing to have children when he agreed to marry you.

Hope that helps!

Post # 6
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m probably in the minority here but I wouldn’t worry about it too much. My guy is kind of the same way. He used to say he wanted kids but now he says he doesn’t (but always in a semi-joking way). I’ve told him I want to have at least 1 kid, maybe 2 between 30 and 35 (we’re 25). He says his concern about kids is that it will ruin our marriage. I feel like once we’re in the marriage and we get a bit older he’ll come around to wanting to have kids again. He knows it is important to me (and your guys knows its important to you). I haven’t even really tried to talk him into it at this point because I think its premature. When I’m starting to feel like its time then we’ll have some serious convos and I’m convinced that he will be excited to have a kid with me. 

Post # 7
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

My husband went through a several year period where he was very anti-babies. It seemed like every small child we saw (random strangers in public, nieces/nephews, his own kid sister) was constantly misbehaving and just being annoying. It made him think he didn’t want kids anytime soon. Within the past year or two as the possibility of us having them becomes more real he has really started to come around and now is completely in love with the idea. The desire for kids doesn’t come as naturally to men I think. Maybe he was just glad that your fears were a sign that you’re not ready yet and that you’re both on the same page about waiting for a while?

Post # 8
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I actually am the one saying I don’t want kids, and hubs is the one who is more open to it. I have many reasons for not wanting to have kids, and maybe one day I’ll change my mind.  I wouldn’t read too much into it, I’m sure he will change his mind as he gets older

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