(Closed) Baby issue….advice needed!

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

to be honest, as the uncle i dont understand why he would be so upset over not being asked to be godparent – afterall uncle for me has bigger naming and bagging rights than godparent

and why would he be responsible when (because at 70yrs its a waiting game) something happens to the baby daddy – i mean the SIL (and mother of the child) is still going to be around and shes still the parent. being named a guardian does NOT mean you have to financially support the surviving parent and child

Post # 4
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ok im confused…legal guardenship would happen if BOTH parents died. yea he might not make it much longer but she is still long.

your FH cant be held responsible for any finiancial responsibilities to thier child unless both parents are dead.

Just pray for the best and continue what every plans you guys have in the future for your own family.

Post # 6
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Your Darling Husband would only need to be legal guardian if something happens to baby’s father, baby’s mother and baby’s godfather.  All three!  Your Darling Husband would be 4th in line.  I think it is safe to assume that father and godfather likely won’t be around too much longer but baby’s mother will be around for years to come.  If that does not happen and you two get the child, you will raise her as your own and it will have no bearing on you and your Darling Husband having children.  Your niece would be raised as if she was your children’s sister.  

Post # 7
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am confused as well.  Are you saying that if her husband dies doesn’t want to raise the child herself and would want to hand over guardianship to your FH (and you, because the two of you will be married)?  Or is she asking in the “in case something happens to the two of us” what if world?   I don’t get it.

Post # 8
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

she has asked him to step up finiancial

good grief – some people shouldnt be allowed to breed.  personally i would only accept raising the child if she signs over legal rights, the last thing i would want is the child to be treated to a revolving door of her being unstable and you being taken advantage of.   not saying the child shouldnt have a relationship with his birth mother but if shes already stating now she needs a free ride in life then i would be worried about being taken advantage of and the child being used and a bargining tool

Post # 10
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@eloping: HA!!! well said. im sure she will be getting some kind of government assistance.

all i can do is pray for you because this sound like a serious situation. it is true what they say, when you marry…you marry the whole family!

Post # 13
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Feels like a lot is being left unsaid here, but I’ll give it a shot.

1st, though that’s a huge age difference, DH’s dad is 72 and still very active and independent. I know you said he has some health problems but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s at death’s door. Does he have cancer? Is there a diagnosis or an expectation of how long he will live?

2nd, he and his brother may be old but unless they’re totally infirm they should have some resources. Neither he nor his brother have life insurance or a pension? No property? No investments? No social security? I think you should speak with the brother. If he’s the godfather perhaps he has some opinion or possible feeling of responsiblity.

3rd, I don’t think you should alter your own life plan based on the possible breakdown of someone else’s. Sure, if what you imagine will happen actually does happen that will be complicated, but the other option would be waiting around for years and holding up your goals in order to financially support other people who have family and resources and circumstances that could all factor in.

Post # 15
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I see. Well, there’s nothing you can do about the godparent business now, so I think the best thing to do is just try and let it go.

If they’re really wishing to give your Fiance some responsibility then I think he should have the clout to make a few ultimatums or at the very least strong recommendations.
-Paying rent in only one place for example. Maybe the 65+ place can be sold and the money can be put in trust for the child.
-Encouraging your Future Sister-In-Law to get some treatment/counselling so she doesn’t break down when he eventually passes. She and you don’t have to simply accept that she will be utterly unable to continue without him. I’m sure it will be tough but there are steps that can be taken, and her expectation of complete dependency shouldn’t be taken as a foregone point.

At this point, I don’t think there’s much you can do about the smoking and drinking aside from encouraging your Future Sister-In-Law not to enable him

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