Post # 1
I am currently 25 weeks pregnant and hubby and I have been talking about baby names. We have found a name we loved but have stumbled into a bit of a problem with it.
We LOVE the name Tessa, absolutely adore it, it’s the top of the list BUT my mother’s name is Theresa, which Tessa is derived from. I do not have the best relationship with her, she was awful to me growing up and overall not a great parent. We are doing better and our relationship is growing although I wouldn’t consider myself close to her by any means. Well with knowing how my mother is, I think she would think we chose this name to ‘honor’ her because she is slightly delusional and doesn’t think she was a horrible parent. I don’t really care if she thinks it in her mind, but I’m not sure if she is going to bring it up or say something about it (and if it will be a reoccurring thing) because that will completely piss me off. Obviously we would correct her with a “no, that’s not why we chose this name” but I can just imagine her smugly saying something about it and me going off on her because that isn’t why we are picking the name and I don’t want her to feel ‘honored’ like that and it will really make me mad if we name our kid this and she tries to ruin it that way.
On the other hand, we absolutely love this name and it has taken us alot of time to find a name and agree on it. I really don’t want to go back to the drawing board and I also feel like she is ‘ruining’ this name for me if we don’t pick this name for that reason (but she can also ruin it if we pick this name).
What would you do?
Post # 2
I didn’t even know Tessa is derived from Theresa. I’ve only ever known Theresas to be shortened to Terri. I don’t think anyone will notice any sort of link between the names.
But if your mum bringing it up regularly is going to really upset you then you need to decide if you love the name enough to deal with that consistent level of frustration.
If I thought it was going to be a constant source of annoyance for me I would probably pick a new name. But if I thought my mum would get over it after a while then I would stick with it.
Post # 3
This will sound silly, but hang on. My mom liked the name Christine when she was expecting me. She had an ex-best friend named Mary Christina, who everyone called Teenie.
So my mom named me Dana. She didn’t want it to look like she was naming me Christine after Teenie. I wonder sometimes how my life would have gone if I was a Christy or a Chris.
Think about the future for the baby. You can tell your mom the truth, it has nothing to do with her, you just like the name. Who cares about her. Do lots of people in your orbit know her? If not, no explanations might be necessary. If anyone asks is she named for your mother, just say no, we like the name.
Post # 4
I also didn’t know that Tessa was a derivative of Theresa. Are you sure your mom would even make the connection?
Post # 5
The Tessa I knew was christened Esther not Theresa.
You have to decide what is more important. Your dislike of your mother seemingly happy in her idea that the child is named after her or your desire to call your child Tessa.
If you don’t have much of a relationship with your mother than let it be water off a duck’s back for you. Who cares what she thinks or says?
Post # 6
I would just make up that it came from your husband’s great grandmother’s nickname or something.
Post # 7
I did not know Tessa is short for Theresa. Not to be a buzz kill but I was in this situation. I ended up deciding that it was not worth risking a life of potentially being reminded of bad memories of that parent. I also didn’t want anyone to think I named said child after that parent. I am glad I made that decision and love my childs name. However, only you can decide.
Post # 8
I know two Tessa’s and AFAIK neither of them are derived from Theresa. Their name is literally just Tessa.
If you are worried about it though, have you considered naming her something else that could conceivably have Tessa as a derivative?
Otessa? Esther? Tesseract? Lol jk on that last one.
Post # 9
Not that you need my stamp of approval, but I love the name! I tried to talk my husband into naming our daughter Tess, because I took a whole lot of literature classes in college, and I loved the Thomas Hardy novel Tess of D’Ubervilles.
Sounds like a whole lot of responses here suggest that not everyone thought that Tessa derives from Teresa, so I’m betting that in your friend and family circle the same will happen. If your mom thinks it’s for her? Let her be smug….just say that you both liked the name and that your daughter is not named after anyone….. although you could always tell a lie and use the novel reference if you like!
Post # 10
I would have never guessed that Tessa was derived from Teresa. I know someone named Tessa and her name is just Tessa. I wouldn’t bring it up unless your mom does but be honest from the beginning that she’s not named after anyone. It also may be smart to wait to announce baby’s name in case for some reason you change your mind and to avoid any drama that may result of it. From what I’ve gathered family members have less of an opinion when baby is already born and legally named.
Post # 11
I think if you love the name you should stick with it. And if your mom makes it an issue and refuses to stop bringing it up, that’s probably a sign that you should take a step back from that relationship.
Post # 12
ahartig : I’d personally pass if you foresee a lifetime of your mother driving you nuts over it. That said – I do love the name Esther and that’d be a cute nickname. You’d be able to have your cute name and have it be clear that your daughter isn’t named for your mother!
Post # 15
Just wanted to go against the grain to say that I knew the name was derived from Theresa. The real question would be whether or not your mom knows that. You could always play dumb if she tries to take credit and say you had no idea the names were related!