Baby name disappointment – talk me down please!

posted 2 years ago in Babies
Post # 46
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m jessica and a close family friend called their daughter jessica when I was five. Guess what? My parents haven’t seen this family in decades! Just use it.

Post # 47
8008 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

A good friend of mine from high school named her baby the same name as my daughter about a year after I did. Our daughters are Tabitha- which is not popular at all. But I think it’s nice and never thought for a minute that she “copied” me.

Post # 48
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
mkbee :  I know heaps of babies called Oliver (and Noah for that matter) including multiples in my friendship group  – I wouldn’t give it a second thought to still use it.  

Oliver is the second most popular boys name here at the moment I’m sure it’s similar where you are,  so I think it’s a given that there will be others you know using that name.

Post # 49
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

I honestly don’t understand this thinking. There have been lots of people named Oliver and more will be born everyday. If you like it, use it. There will ALWAYS be another “Oliver”…..

Post # 50
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel

100% I would still use it too 🙂

Post # 51
4099 posts
Honey bee

I would use the name no matter who else had it. It really doesn’t matter…we have like four David’s in my family and it’s not a big deal at all. And quite honestly, the name is about your child, not about you or your friends. It’s the name he or she is going to grow up with, and whether someone else you know has it or not, is not going to matter to your child. 

Post # 52
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I believe you should tell her you plan to use the name.  Maybe even ask for her blessing, but at the very least tell her.  My cousin did something similar to me, and I have to say I still resent her for how she went about it.

  My daughter’s name is in the top 30.  My cousin got pregnant when my daughter was about 8 months old.  She spent time with my daughter on various occasions.  I was holding my daughter at my cousin’s wedding when my cousin told me that she had chosen a name for her baby but was keeping it secret.  (My cousin was 6 months pregnant at her wedding.)  Our families are pretty close and her family was at my daughter’s first birthday party.  Our parents spend time together regularly, and we used to as well before she moved to a different city.  Anyway, we were all very excited for the new baby.  Then, she goes into labor.  Her parents had been texting my parents with updates on her labor.  All of sudden, they stop the updates.  We don’t hear from them again. We find out the baby is named the same as my daughter, same spelling and everything.  Her family stopped contacting my family for months.  I took these factors combined and assumed they no longer wanted a close relationship with us.  It ended up sort of resolving when her mom heard I didn’t plan to come to their annual Christmas party if someone in their family didn’t contact me in some way.  But I don’t know that I really feel the same way about them that I used to…

Point being: Telling me they loved our daughter’s name and also want to use it ahead of time, and maybe a friendly text after the baby was born saying they couldn’t wait for the girls to meet or something, would have made a world of difference.  But avoiding me because they don’t want to face the fact that my kid already had the name they decided to use? I think our relationship is damaged for a long time, if not forever.  Everyone knows they don’t own a name, but I think there is a right and a wrong way to duplicate names of people close to you.  You don’t want to put a shadow over such a happy time by doing it the wrong way.

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