Post # 1
I’m going on 6 months pregnant and my husband and I are not agreeing on any names. We know we are are having a little girl which we are both thrilled about! If we were having a boy he would be named after my husband, which wasn’t my first choice, but I understand that he would like a name sake, so we agreed on that. Now that we found out we are having a girl he wants his names to be priority which I think is unfair. I would like a name that has meaning to me and my family especially since he would have his namesake if we were having a boy. We got into a huge argument last night and I said well if we choose your name for the girl and we have a boy next, he’ll be named after you that doesn’t seem fair. His response was life isn’t fair. Ladies I consider myself a reasonable person but this set me off especially with the pregnancy hormones raging! Am I being unreasonable? Every time we talk about names it winds up in an argument and I’m growing weary of it. A very frustrated bee ☹
Post # 2
“Life isn’t fair”
Ew. GTFO with that attitude. I would be livid if my husband trumped all of my opinions on important matters and said that to me. Is he always such an ass hole?
Post # 3
artis80333: uh, the baby is probably going to have his last name, right? That’s the most “namesake” you can possibly get.
I would have murdered him already.
Post # 4
artis80333: I agree 100% with you.. why is his opinion on a name more important than yours..?? I ccan fully understand the boys name being after him which you agreed to, but the girl needs to be decided by you both, not just him. It is your child also… I would not back down on this..
Post # 5
Can you take a systematic approach? We each came up with names and now we’re trying them out one a week to see how they feel. I would be pissed if my husband thought he was just going to name our child without considering my feelings.
Please don’t tell me he’s upset you’re having a girl and the name is his consolation prize
Post # 6
“I’m sorry nurse, I know he has the same last name as me, and he’s a really nice man for driving me to the hospital, but he’s not my baby’s father. Could you ask him to leave the room till I’m done filling out the name paperwork?”
= my threat to Darling Husband whenever he was being a butthead.
In seriousness though, you should get priority over at least 1 sex. Either he picks girl names and you pick boy, or the other way around. He doesn’t get final say in naming all your hypothetical kids (unless you are 100% okay with that.)
Post # 7
artis80333: Personally, I think it needs to be decided upon equally. You each get a say in both names. You ok’d him having a namesake and he should ok whatever girls name you choose.
Sure, his attitude kind of sucks but its BOTH of your child and you should BOTH get to name her.
Post # 8
You’re not being unreasonable at all! I hate how namesakes seem to favor the men’s family. We are not TTC yet but Darling Husband has mentioned that when we have kids he would like their middles names to be after his parents. I’m always like what about my family?!?! My parents aren’t the type to be upset about his but still.
He really wants our first girl (if we have one) to have his moms name as her middle name. His mom died last year and he was really close with her so I think I’m gonna lose that battle. But what if it doesn’t sound good with the first name we’ve chosen. Also, I HATE his moms name (loved her as a person, just really don’t like that name). My parents picked our names because they liked them and they flowed well. I always envisioned doing the same with my kids
he wanted the first boy to be named after him. I said no way in hell. I told him maybe the middle name if it sounds good with the first name we chosn
he also went through a phase where he wanted our future children’s middle names to be his mothers maiden name I said no way she had her chance, if they have a maiden name as a middle name it will be mine
but seriously the babies will already have his familys last name, why does the mothers family always get left out?? It really bugs me
Post # 9
My Darling Husband and I had the same argument. I finally told him he either had priority on the girls name or the boys name. If that wasn’t going to work we would not be naming any children after him and we would have to come up with names the old fashioned way.
That said after we would have a blow up I would drop the subject until we both calmed down and were in a decent mood to talk about it. I then expressed this thought by also telling him how I felt when he discounted my ideas and allowed him space to do the same. Eventually we came up with a name we both love and he gets teary eyed every time we say it out loud. It will work itself out. Be patient with him and yourself
Post # 10
I think all couples go through this arguement. We went through the same thing. Though we ended up having a boy, so our son has part of my DH’s dad’s name in his name. We came to an agreement, if we have another child, I get to chose the name boy or girl.
Post # 11
My husband and I aren’t agreeing on any girl names (we don’t know what we’re having yet). He picks what I feel to be the most atrocious names. I told him half jokingly that when a baby comes out of his vagina, or ripped from his stomach, he gets more say. Haha. However of course I want us to agree on a name together.
If it were me I’d go ballistic over the life isn’t fair comment. Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. You get just as much say (if not more) than he does.
Post # 12
He is definitely being unreasonable. Why does he trump you over every single name? Give him the ultimatium that you need to either like a name together or you’re picking it … or you can simply give him free reign over the middle name and you can pick the first name for your daughter. Explain that he obviously had impact for the male name and now you want to have it for the female.
My situation for our future kids was opposite – he was close to a woman on his side and I’m close with my dad, who is the namesake of my departed grandfather, which we hope to pass down since he didn’t have any sons. I’m choosing the middle name for a girl and he a middle name for a boy. I’m pretty sure we have our names set by doing it this way. It seemed the most fair to us – we really wanted namesakes aafter his grandmother, who raised him, and my father, since it was really that important for us.
Post # 13
Um. What?! He needs to stop. I assume you’re already giving the child his last name. And if it was a boy his first name too! I would never have even agreed to that much. He’s completely in the wrong but you still need a solution. So…
You need to agree on some kind of system for choosing. I seriously think that since you agreed to his name on a boy, you should get first pick for the girl (with his ability to veto if he totally hates the name or somehing).
But I think maybe you should do the family name thing for a middle name, get some old fashioned baby books, and start highlighting what you like. Start fresh. I’m sure you’ll find a name you can both accept by 3 months from now.
Post # 14
I think your problem is the argument of “he would have chosen the boy name so I get to choose the girl name.” That, to me, is pretty immature. You both created this baby so you both get equal say. If you each don’t like a name, throw it out and think of another one together. You’re a team and you need to start acting like it.
Post # 15
artis80333: you both have to like a name. This normally means neither of you gets your first choice. I know we ultimately agreed on a name that wasn’t in either of our top 20s, but we both could live with.
Maybe you could go through it super rationally– each come up with 25 names you could live with and work from there?