(Closed) Baby names and family names

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I can’t help but wonder if he asked you that bc maybe he thinks his mom will get upset? (Not that I think she has any reason to)

can you suggest a compromise? First baby has your moms name incorporated in tribute to her, then you can incorporate his moms name with your 2nd baby? 

Post # 4
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t really think it’s him being selfish. But why would the kid have to have 4 or 5 names? Why not use your mother’s name, or a version of your mother’s name as the first name and his mother’s name as the middle name?

I like PP’s idea of using the mom’s name with the second child. That is a good compromise. For our first girl’s name I will be using a play on my mother’s name as the first name, but the name we’re thinking is of Scandinavian origin which is his background, so it’s kind of a compromise!

Post # 6
1430 posts
Bumble bee

Me and my husband have had a recent conversation about this too. We are only in the trying phase so no baby yet.  We like the idea of having his middle name for our future sons name and I have alwayyyys wanted my mom’s middle name as our daughters middle name. Well it just so happens my moms middle name is my MIL’s 2nd husbands (now married to her 3rd) name who they all hate so now that name is scratched. Seriously bummed me out!

For yuor situation I would think he would be a little more understanding since your mom passed away. If you have a second maybe that would be the right time to use his moms middle name.

Post # 7
9832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I agree with PP, incorporate your mother’s name with the first one, and his with the second.

Or if you do have a girl, maybe have your mother’s name as the first name, and his as the middle name? Fiance and I are not going to have kids for several years, but if we have a son we are going to name him after his two grandfathers, with my father’s name as the first name and FI’s father’s name as the middle name.

Post # 10
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

Fiance and I have discussed this… I have a family name I am very attached to, and he wants to use his cousin’s name. His cousin (who he was very close to: they were best friends. As in if Fiance didnt have a brother, his cousin would be his best man) was killed in action in Iraq in 2009.

Now, his cousin has a sister and two brothers who might like to “have” his name for their future kids, so we wont use it for a first bame. And -myfamilyname cousin’sname- just doesn’t sound good in that order. Also, we can’t guarantee that we would have two boys! So we’re going ahead and having firstname, cousin’sname, myfamilyname, last name. He will have 4!!

I know it’s not your preference, but more names is a middle ground. What about his mother’s middle name? Are either of his mothers’ names usable in either a male or female format? Like if she’s Patricia, a boy could be Patrick?

Post # 12
1577 posts
Bumble bee

You could combine the names in some cases (depending on the names) or give her a variant of your mothers name for first and variant of his for middle. I like the idea of having your 1st honor your mother and 2nd honor his. But ideally, I think you should just tell him why it upsets you and come to a compromise between the two of you. Perhaps hyphenating the middle name with both mother names?

Post # 13
2650 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@greenidlady:  Maybe this is selfish, but I think that because baby will have his family name as a last name, adding a family name of yours (your mom’s) is fair, and then keep the previously discussed name you both liked as the first or middle.  Seems fair to me. I also think he should respect that you want to honor your mom who passed when you were young. You could discuss the possibility of using another family name from his side for baby number two.

Example, I have my maternal grandmother’s middle name as my middle name. And my sister (baby #2) has our paternal grandmother’s middle name as her middle name. I always thought it was nice and fair of my parents to do this in honor of their mothers and our grandmothers. 🙂  Good luck!

Post # 16
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you can’t or don’t want to do your mom’s first name and his mom’s name as the middle can you combine the two to make a first name? It may not mesh, but you could at least consider if it is a possibility. Otherwise, I don’t think he is being selfish, but I don’t think he is being reasonable either. You’re using it for an entirely different reason than he is. He needs to understand this.


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