(Closed) Baby overshadowed engagement

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
10540 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Your family is excited but a new baby (even if it’s number 4) is more exciting than an engagement. It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy/excited for you. I think you should cut them some slack.

Post # 3
Member
4271 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m genuinely not trying to be a dick, but a new baby (even the fourth grandchild) trumps pretty much everything. It just does. 

Your family will probably show more excitement as the wedding comes. Most people celebrate the wedding more than the engagement. Try not to focus on it

Post # 4
Member
7645 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

An engagement is always a matter of “oh, that’s great!” and then moving on. A new life trumps a promise to make a committment every time. People will be excited about the wedding, but a baby is more exciting for grandparents than just about anything else. 

Post # 5
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I know that engagements are prized as a huge life event (and to some extent, they are), but at the end of the day, they’re a pretty “toothless” life event. The wedding/marriage is the real life event, the engagement is the promise to plan the life event. 

A baby being born is a real, actual, tangible life event. Of course it’s much more exciting, in this brief moment in time, than a yet-unplanned wedding. Unless your family are all awful people, they’ll adjust to the excitement of a new baby and get more excited for the wedding as it draws nearer. 

We found out we’re going to be an uncle/aunt again shortly before our wedding, and I was honestly almost as excited about that as I was the wedding itself! Families grow, both through marriage and babies, and it’s all exciting. 

Post # 6
Member
813 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Mlim :  I am sure they are all very happy for you (and the bees are too!) but like the PP’s said…a baby always wins. 

Post # 7
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Sorry to hear about your disappointment . It seems like most grandparents seem to be very excited about their new grandkids. I’ve never been too excited about other people’s babies. It’s like that’s nice, but I kind of don’t care.  Caveat is I never cared that much about children in general.

i bet your parents will be more excited about the actual wedding day. Try to brush it off and good luck on planning your special day !!

Post # 9
Member
9162 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yeah sorry but your family are being dicks. You can express excitement/happiness about more than one life event at a time and to not even say congratulations is really rude. They are making a choice not to do that. I am pretty sure most people would be a bit upset to just recieve a “that’s good” from their parents when they got engaged.

Congratulations on your engagement. 

View original reply
Mlim :  

Post # 10
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

a baby (especially a premature one) trumps a party that’s likely over a year away any day… this is your marriage no one elses and films have created false expectations that the world stops for your excitement but you only get ONE day and life carries on around you and its not an attack on you personally its just the real world.

Post # 11
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

They will be excited in the run up to your wedding, the actual engagement isn’t really exciting for anyone else – even close family.  

Post # 12
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
j_jaye :  I really second your opinion. There’s no natural hierarchy of life events and people can easily focus on two happy occasions, it’s about taking the time for it. It literally takes five minutes to express your excitement, to talk about the proposal and the ring. A baby is no excuse for being inconsiderate. 

OP, congrats on your engagement!!

Post # 13
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Op I’m sorry your family is being like this.  Yes, a baby is exciting for a lot of people but that doesn’t mean that it should overshadow everyone else’s happy news.   I definitely don’t agree that a new baby automatically trumps a wedding.   I was more excited for my best friend’s wedding than I was to meet my husband’s cousin’s baby. Congratulations on your engagement.  

Post # 14
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Im sorry, but all this “baby trumps engagement” as an excuse for OPs family to piss on an exciting announcement is total crap. 

Is a new baby a blessed, exciting event to be celebrated?  Of course it is.  Does a new baby mean that when two people announce that they have decided they love each other enough to spend the rest of their lives together, that you can’t take ten damn minutes to squeal and hug and gush with happiness?  No, it absolutely does not!

OP, you have every right to be hurt and disapointed. I’m sure it stung to be dismissed so quickly and with so little reaction.  I’m sure your family will come around, but in the mean time try not to let it dampen your happiness. 

Congratulations on your engagement.

Post # 15
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

This is bullshit. 

As a grandma, I have been over the moon each time a new grandchild has been born (I have four as well). However I can celebrate the birth of a new grandchild without diminishing another child’s special and important news. I love my grandkids to bits but I absolutely can’t imagine crushing another loved one’s happy announcement with such an underwhelming response. As a few other people have said, it’s perfectly possible to celebrate more than one event at a time. 

I would also like to add that this kind of insensitivity or seeming favouritism can cause a rift between siblings, creating a rivalry or competition or hurt feelings when it’s just so unnecessary. Yes, engagement means the most to the couple involved and I don’t expect more from casual friends or co-workers than a ‘congratulations’ before they move on with their day- but surely we can expect more from those closest to us? 

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