Post # 1
So, I have this cousin. She’s been married twice and is now pregnant. We all had to go to both weddings and they were big extravagant affairs. So, my aunt calls my mom tonight (not, NOT me, the bride) to ask if we can have a baby shower for my cousin the day of our wedding after my fiance and I have gone for the honeymoon. I really, really, want to stop this, I’m so upset and it feels like no one cares what I want, or how I feel about my own wedding!!!! I just feel like all our family is going to be gearing up for the baby shower instead of being excited about my wedding. I understand that she and her husband live in VA and the extended family will be together, but they are coming here for my wedding- or supposed to be anyway. My wedding will not be big and extravagant, but I’m sure the baby shower will. I mean, is it too much to ask that I get one day to be mine? I feel selfish and know I should be nice and say it’s fine, but this is just the latest in all the decisions about the wedding being made by others and I’m very frustrated. Please help!!!!
Post # 3
@SoFarAway3130: Eh, we had a similar thing happen. A friend of DH had his engagement party after our wedding (they had already been engaged for 6 or 7 months). Trust me, it won’t steal the thunder from the wedding. In fact, a lot of people who were invited to the engagement party thought it was weird he would choose that time to do it in light of our wedding. And a lot were far too hung over to even attend.
Post # 5
I don’t think anyone “gears up” for a baby shower, so I’m not sure you have too much to worry about. And this isn’t a decision about your wedding, your wedding will be over and you will have already left. Just be grateful you have an excuse to not have to attend an overblown baby shower!
Post # 7
@SoFarAway3130: Did your Mom agree to this? Even if she did, you can always ask her to call her aunt and ask her to please consider having the shower another time.
Post # 8
Yeah, my mom agreed to this. She thinks I’m at fault for letting it bother me. She is very critical of everything I have done thus far, it feels like the wedding is hers, not mine. =/
Post # 9
I think that honestly, it’s one of those things that sounds worse than the reality will be.
I would be annoyed too, but I think that the reality is you’ll be so enthralled with your own day and so excited about your honeymoon, you won’t care. And I guarantee that people will be just as excited for your wedding (in fact, I bet a lot will be quite tired/hung-over/full by the time they get around to the shower).
I think this is one to do your best to roll of your back. Don’t let her event interfere with your wedding, though.
Post # 10
Honestly, I think you’re blowing this out of proportion a bit. You do get your day and it will be done and you’ll be off on your honeymoon before this baby shower ever happens. I don’t see how it affects you and your day in any way, shape, or form.
Without question, people will still be just as excited for your wedding and they may even be less excited for the baby shower as they will be tired from the wedding. But your cousin still deserves to be able to have a baby shower with the family and this seems like the only feasible way to do it.
Post # 11
I totally see where you’re coming from & why this sucks. But here’s some positives that occurred to me:
- PERFECT excuse to NOT attend your cousin’s shower!
- PERFECT excuse to not be expected to spend much on her baby shower gift (you just paid for your wedding & honeymoon)
- It’s more likely that family & friends will be talking about your wedding at her shower than vice versa
- Use it as leverage against your mom to lay off your choices for YOUR wedding…”Hey, you (Mom) you gave Cousin the rest of the day, let ME have MY part of the day the way I want it.”
It’s your wedding day…ignore your cousin/aunt, spend more time with your friends & family that ARE excited about your wedding, & forget about that shower. Literally FORGET…you’re allowed, since it’s YOUR big day & you can’t be expected to remember anything else.
Post # 12
If the entire family is being gathered for your wedding will they all be around for several days? If so, why don’t you or someone else (your mom) suggest that the shower be held on a different day during the same weekend. Just a thought.
Post # 13
I can see why you’d let this get to you, I think its naive to think people won’t be thinking or talking about the baby shower during the wedding celebration, etc and honestly I’d be upset also. There are just some people who are blind to how their actions affect others.
However, I do think that you’ll be completely immersed in your own day and wedding that you hopefully won’t see the affect of your cousins/aunts selfishness.
Post # 14
you’re overreacting. she isn’t hijacking your wedding day – it’s AFTER your wedding, when you won’t even be in the same city! why not let your family have another reason to celebrate? i would suggest they hold the shower the day after your wedding, but even if they don’t, people will know these are two separate events. calm down.
Post # 15
I think it sucks and it’s a little weird to have a baby shower later in the day like that, but do you even want to go? If not, it’s the perfect excuse for you to miss it! 🙂
Post # 16
Hi So Far Away, I don’t think you’re overreacting, and I would be peeved as well. but I also think the point already made about not having to go to the shower is pretty awesome. Also, I do think the focus will be on you that day. If I was invited to a baby shower that was the same weekend as a wedding, let alone the same day, I think I would be a little confused, to be honest. But if it’s just family, maybe it’s a chance for them to get together post-wedding and unwind. In any event you’ll be a newlywed on your way to your honeymoon so you don’t have to deal with any of it! Yay