Baby shower dilemma

posted 2 weeks ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
5409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

It seems pretty obvious that you can’t invite these family members if you can’t accommodate their full time carers. 

Posts like this are exactly why things like showers should just be low key things at home. Having two people who have limited contact with each other plan a party in a venue sounds like a recipe for disaster. 

Since you didn’t know these people required full them care then you obviously don’t really know them I would just skip the invites. 

Post # 4
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

don’t budge on your side.  let your Mother-In-Law figure this out.  i don’t see a 100% positive return rate, so i;m sure you’ll be fine numbers wise.

Post # 5
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I mean if I was invited to a shower and had a 24/7 care attendant I would assume they could come with me. Inviting me is inviting them.

It’s like inviting a blind person who has a guide dog.

 I don’t think the care attendants need their own invitation though, they arnt a guest in the traditional sense, they shouldn’t feel like they need to bring a present, they are at work. I’d just tell the relatives their care attendants are of course welcome to accompany them. 

Not everyone will be able to make it, even people that say they will make it. Things come up. 

Post # 6
Member
5409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

miabear1989 :  Not everyone has to be invited, you don’t even know these relatives so I wouldn’t feel bad.  It is pretty normal to want a babyshower to be pretty intimate. 

Post # 8
Member
5409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Nevermind. 

Post # 9
Member
4481 posts
Honey bee

Well, I mean your Future Mother-In-Law is right.  These family members who require round the clock care require a plus one to all events (not just your shower).  You can’t just ask their caregiver to dump them and then go wait in the car while grandma eats cake and be “on call” in case of emergency.  They are a package deal now and the polite thing is to offer them food and drink.  So they will be taking up space and be considered a guest as far as catering is concerned.  You (royal you – as in the people planning) need to actually budget for them (space and money).  You can’t depend on no-shows.  What happens if you get a 100% yes response rate? 

If money and space is non-negotiable, then you need to either 

A) cut other people from the guest list to accommodate grandma and all the other family members with full-time care givers (now what “side” those cuts come from is tricky and I would probably stop viewing the guest list as “sides” as that point and just make cuts as a whole list based on who you are least close to),  or

B) cut grandma or some of the others requiring care attendants from the guest list.

Only you know which one is right for you.  As someone who grew up with a parent and grand-parent who both did in-home care, I know that a lot of people at that stage of requiring round the clock care may not want to attend events because it requires a lot of effort and they find it exhausting.  I suppose that may depend on what their impairments are requiring the care.

Post # 11
Member
5409 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

miabear1989 :  this is family I do know, and see frequently. I knew they had care.

Okay, I’m just going off your OP since said you only knew that your husband’s grandmother had care and not the others, so I could only assume you weren’t that close with them. 

I’m only really familiar with his grandmothers situation and not the other family. She has some sort of care in her house with her 24/7 and I learned the other family do as well.

Your choices are still the same if you have such tight capacity, either you cut X amount of people from the list to free up room for the carers or you don’t invite the relatives who need care. 

Post # 13
Member
13584 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I understand your frustration, but if these people require full time care to get there, to use the restroom, and for any other needs, it’s pretty irresponsible to suggest that they attend without, or not include the caregiver.  Not including the caregiver basically makes it so that guest cannot attend, period. 

It seems pretty obvious to me that you’d have to invite the caregivers.  How many extra people are you talking about here? 

It’s rude for your Mother-In-Law to ask you to trim your side of the guest list.  Hopefully you guys can find a compromise somewhere. 

Post # 14
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Caregivers get free admission to museums and such. The venue changing them as guests might actually violate the ADA. Though of course this doesn’t help with venue capacity limits if it is set by say the fire marshal. 

Just because you invite them doesn’t mean they will come. Obviously you have to be prepared if they do but if getting out of the house is that big of a deal and they need restroom help a lot of people are thrilled by the invitation and being thought of and send a gift but don’t attend.  

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